Number two
22 May 2006 at 1:02 pm | In Stage whispers | 20 CommentsNow that the play is over, I feel an overwhelming urge to unburden myself and gossip about one of the more irksome members of the cast. For the sake of convenience and to convey certain nuances of his character, let’s call him “Richard” – or “Mr Head”, if you prefer.
Mr Head is one of those rare specimens who can annoy just about everybody within a ten-yard radius without ever intentionally meaning to. He seems to suffer from an obscure form of Tourette’s Syndrome that involves him instantly blurting out whatever pops into his head without due concern for the consequences. It’s almost as if he has an extreme aversion to any thought taking up residence in his cortex, so he needs to get it out as quickly as possible.
He’s a reasonably competent actor*, but he spends so much time in the dressing room fiddling with his makeup and preening in front of the mirror with his shirt off, that he’s managed to miss his entrance on more than one occasion. It’s irritating enough having to ad-lib on stage to fill an awkward silence without the sure knowledge that the person you’re waiting for is too busy squeezing his pecs and rubbing his nipples to pay attention.
As I explained to one of the others, “Mr Head is like a laxative – fine in small doses, but prolonged exposure really gives you the shits”
* IMHO
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Read a DSM IV description of Narcissistic Personailty Disorder and I think you’ll have gotten your man! Pigeonholed him, anyway.
Comment by andrea — 22 May 2006 #
LOL. unfortunately I think everybody knows someone like that
Comment by tripeak — 22 May 2006 #
How odd – you mean he is so in love with himself that he’d rather look in the mirror than be on stage – isn’t that odd in an actor?
Or is it some sort of displacement actitivity? (whoops that was a freudian slippage that I’ll leave in
Comment by Caroline — 22 May 2006 #
Richard Head missed his entrance…?
Surely not.
Comment by Terri — 22 May 2006 #
Maybe while you’re waiting you could read some of the better b**gs to the audience? Something has got to amuse them…
Comment by Old Horsetail Snake — 22 May 2006 #
Maybe Mr. Head was getting some action and could not be swayed, the big and little head may not have been ad idem (of one mind).
Comment by Tammy — 23 May 2006 #
andrea: You had me worried for a moment there. I’m not ready for the RCMP just yet.
tripeak: And if you don’t, then it’s you.
Caroline: I believe all actors have an element of self-worship in them. Dicky Boy just has an extreme case. BTW, your Freudian slip is impressivly multi-level. I’m glad you left it in
Terri: I’m afraid so. To ensure that it didn’t happen again, every night someone would go and hiss in his ear, “Get on the stage, Dick Head!”.
Ol’ Hoss: A fine idea, but we’d need a projector to be able to convey the full impact of yours.
Tammy: The stage manager very nearly made him the demonstration model for ars longa vita brevis.
Comment by kyknoord — 23 May 2006 #
“…squeezing his pecs and rubbing his nipples..” LOL!! What a picture!!!
Comment by Spookie — 23 May 2006 #
Oh God he sounds like my recent ex.
PS: This isn’t necessarily a good thing. I may be sad over the breakup, but the squeezing of one’s nipples and pecks does get tiresome. Especially in the bedroom.
Comment by Peas on Toast — 23 May 2006 #
Read a book recently about a little-known syndrome called Asperger’s Syndrome, which is basically a very mild form of Autism – I’m no doctor but I think I’ve nailed it on the head!
Comment by Third World Ant — 23 May 2006 #
To use the sort of term that ‘glitter for brains’ would use, he sounds like he may be a man ‘with an appreciation for show tunes’ and ‘an appreciation for colour co-ordination’.
Comment by Reluctant Nomad — 23 May 2006 #
It’s a wonder the theatre is big enough for his head to fit into.
LOL@Mr Head is like a laxative… Let’s hope it is not the kind they give to horses!
Comment by ChittyChittyBangBang! — 23 May 2006 #
Spookie: Worth a thousand words. All of them bad.
Peas: I agree. Those talents are generally put to better use.
Third World Ant: If you’re volunteering to hit someone on the head…
Reluctant Nomad: Possibly, but I think he’s too much of an oaf.
Chitty: The ceiling is very high.
Comment by kyknoord — 23 May 2006 #
Your laxative quote? I may borrow that one in the future, if that’s all right with you!
Classic.
3T
Comment by 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) — 23 May 2006 #
maybe you should take the mirror out of his dresing room…?
Comment by angel — 23 May 2006 #
So was it a good run? A hit? Did you have fun? You have not told us enough!
Comment by Miss Cellania — 23 May 2006 #
I know a number of NON-actors like that.
Comment by Zube Girl — 24 May 2006 #
3T: Borrow away
angel: That would only work if we had individual dressing rooms, but since we all share, it would throw a minor spanner in the works for the rest of us.
Miss Cellania: It was a good run, because we all emerged with our sanity intact. The reviews were all over the spectrum – good, bad and indifferent. It wasn’t exactly a hit (about 60% average seat occupancy), but not too bad for a ’serious’ winter show. It was the most fun I’ve had on stage since doing ‘12th Night’ in 2001.
Zube Girl: Maybe there’s a support group for it.
Comment by kyknoord — 24 May 2006 #
How about placing a stink-
bomb under the cushion of
his dressing room chair !?!
That,ll make him sprint!
PRO & EDEL.
Comment by Anonymous — 24 May 2006 #
Sounds like a dream man for a couple girls I know… On so many, so many levels.
Comment by anne — 24 May 2006 #