The seventh sense
14 November 2006 at 5:51 pm | In Philosophical meanderings | 25 CommentsI see needy people. All the time. They’re everywhere.
Hands up anyone who knows someone stuck in the needy+ cycle? This business of neediness seems to afflict an enormous number of people in modern society. Whatever the song may have led us to believe, “people who need people” are not, in fact, the luckiest people in the world. “Misery loves company” would be a bit more accurate, although I don’t think anybody’s made it into a Broadway song. At least, not yet.
I put it down to shoddy programming. Humans have a nasty tendency to get stuck in these destructive behaviour loops++ that prove surprisingly difficult to break – even when we are fully aware of them. People can spend years in therapy trying to come to terms with their own (apparent) weirdness and still be no closer to an answer at the end.
Although there is a certain elegance to this all-pervasive fucked-upness that permeates pretty much everyone’s lives, it does kind of beg the question whether such a thing as “normal” exists at all. Hands up anyone who knows someone normal? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
+ i.e. someone who is insecure, so they continually need others to validate their self worth. This can be seriously annoying and consequently, others will tend to avoid them. This, in turn, makes them insecure, so they continually need others to… (Repeat ad infinitum)
++ or the psychological equivalent of the Blue Screen of Death, if you will
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Not to mention that it’s quite costly to spend years in therapy, and then you have people who need people and to bum a few grand…
Comment by anne — 14 November 2006 #
Perhaps not Broadway, Kyk, but the following artists, amongst others, have done quite well out of songs entitled “Misery Loves Company“:
Nirvana
Norma Jean
Westworld
Jackyl
Mike Ness
My favourite, though, is Anthrax, who gave us the following delightful chorus:
Misery loves company
I’m your number one fan
Misery loves company
Die with me
Comment by Salman — 14 November 2006 #
I’m right now being faced with a family member who thinks he walks on water — and I thought he was the only normal one (thanks for the reminder that normal doesn’t actually exist). I guess martyrdom is another form of neediness: I *need* you to tell me what a selfless hero I am and I *need* to tell you what a worthless shit you are.
PS Please visit my blog and worship me. I *need* it.
Comment by andrea — 15 November 2006 #
Erm, Salman stole my thunder! I was going to mention Bon Jovi’s “As My Guitar Lies Bleeding in My Arms:”
Misery likes company, I like the way that sounds
I’ve been trying to find the meaning, so I can write it down
Staring out the window, it’s such a long way down
I’d like to jump, but I’m afraid to hit the ground
So I guess I should put a stop to starting my e-mails to you with “I neeeeeed you.”
Comment by Katt — 15 November 2006 #
There is a good possibility that you are the most normal person I know. That’s a hefty bit of commentary right there, don’t you think?
Comment by LiVEwiRe — 15 November 2006 #
ofcourse no one has mentioned metallica’s ‘my friend of misery’ lyrics
Comment by dystopia — 15 November 2006 #
that is what happens when i post without paying attention. what i meant to say is, no one has mentioned metallica’s ‘my friend of misery. and then link to the lyrics, with some form of semi coherent description of what the link is for. my apologies
Comment by dystopia — 15 November 2006 #
Kyk – Neediness extends to company’s, particularly medical aid companies and banks. It’s a pandemic.
I know someone normal. Just can’t remember that person from the top of my head.
Comment by peas on toast — 15 November 2006 #
anne: I always believed that the cost was actually part of the therapy – an incentive to get your shit together before you go completely bankrupt.
salman: Sounds like we have the makings of Broadway hit: Misery Loves Company – The Musical”
andrea: The ability to walk on water is all well and good, but it can really cramp your style when you want to go swimming. By the same token it’s difficult to fall asleep when the sun shines out your arse.
katt: Perhaps your people can get together with Salman’s people and put together a proposal?
livewire: Ponderous indeed.
dystopia: Didn’t Worsie Visser do a cover of that one?
peas: Especially the credit card divisions.
Comment by kyknoord — 15 November 2006 #
If needy=lucky, then the politicians are cashing in big time.
Comment by chitty — 15 November 2006 #
Found you! Hi there Kyknoord. Whatever happened to your old site?
I’ve noticed that people who enjoy therapy are those who love to talk without listening to a word they say. I wouldn’t be a therapist like that in a million years – they really couldn’t pay me enough.
Comment by Caroline — 15 November 2006 #
I am fearful of therapy & self help books, cause I have a very real phobia that they would make me “normal”. If normal means being plain, run-of-the-mill, only-allow-myself-one-tequila, sensible talk.
How am I expected to rise to the top if I am the same consistency as everyone else?!?!
Comment by Champagne Heathen — 15 November 2006 #
I don’t think I’m qualified to comment on this post, somehow.
I spent years in therapy trying to break my behaviour patterns until I worked out that my chemistry was awry and I NEEDED to do more than just talk.
I’m still me, I’m more me. My weirdness has not been medicated or talked away.
Comment by Jam — 15 November 2006 #
PS. I’ve listened to every word I’ve ever said in therapy.
Comment by Jam — 15 November 2006 #
“Normal” doesn’t exist – it’s more like a mass hallucination of what everyone thinks they ’should’ be like.
Comment by Terri — 15 November 2006 #
My family is so “normal” they’re bizarre.
Anyone else noticed that kind of thing? Normal is so abnormal these days. You’re likely to be followed by BBC documentary film makers if you happen to still be married, have two kids, and a white picket fence.
Comment by Katie Possum — 15 November 2006 #
Hey. I am normal. Ok.
Comment by Spookie the Warrior — 15 November 2006 #
What is normal? Maybe this fucked-upness is actually normal…
If there are stable people out there they must be on the endagered species list.
Comment by other-duke — 15 November 2006 #
Where would we be without our “needy” gene? Alone!
Bah Humbug, Kyk!
Needy smooches,
The Tart
; )
Comment by Cheap Tart — 15 November 2006 #
chitty: Hell, even if needy=UNlucky, politicians will still cash in big time.
caroline: This happened. I probably wouldn’t be a therapist in a million years either – I’d be dead.
champagne heathen: But by the same token, how do you know you won’t sink to the bottom?
jam: Let’s see now… the necessary qualifications to comment are : computer, internet connection & opinion. Yup, you’re qualified.
P.S. With any luck, your therapist was also listening.
terri: Six billion lemmings can’t be wrong, can they?
katie possum: I have the perfect name for the documentary: “Finding Normal”
spookieTW: Whatever you say.
other-duke: More like the Red Data list.
the tart: You say that like it’s a bad thing ;-*
Comment by kyknoord — 16 November 2006 #
you’ve used my favourite verb/adjective/noun/pronoun/serveseverypurposeword in probably every single one of your last 5 posts (too lazy to actually re-read them to affirm this) so where’s this uh..whats the word i’m looking for…unbecoming…influence coming from? In any case needless to say melikes! You are my new Colin farell *chuckle*
Anyway, to answer your question: Me. I’m perfectly normal. Well, at least in the sense that my abnormality is what make me normal.
Comment by lyn — 16 November 2006 #
Thanks for the pointer – shame about the squatter – even more of a shame that it was someone who hasn’t even bothered posting again…
And even if I wasn’t dead in a million years I wouldn’t want to listen to all that pointless talk!
Comment by Caroline — 16 November 2006 #
you see needy people – I see stupid people – wanna swap?
Comment by Cooked — 17 November 2006 #
ooh- don’t get me started bru! i have written off… i mean politely ended… a few friendships because they reach the point where i dread phone calls and emails from this person, and thats not a friendship anymore.
Comment by angel — 19 November 2006 #
I admit to not having an ounce of normalness in me. (I just fake it, based on old family sitcoms like “Leave it to Beaver” and “The Brady Bunch.”)
I like to think my lack of denial puts me a step ahead of the majority. Thus giving me the self-esteem that’s lacking.(Whatever gets us through the day)
3T
Comment by 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) — 29 November 2006 #