Living the dream « the other side of the mountain

Living the dream

29 August 2008 at 8:00 am | In It's only a matter of time | 18 Comments
Tags: Comic, Dazzle me 5, Writing

This is my entry to the fifth instalment of Dazzle Me. The picture referred to in the story is this one.
This might explain why the work days all seem so similar
What?
Nothing. What’s this about?
Just a few questions.
You said that, but that doesn’t tell me much.
Doesn’t it? You seem a little tense. Why is that?
I’m not tense. This is my happy face.
So you wouldn’t say there’s anything bothering you?
Hey, lots of things bother me, but that doesn’t mean I’m tense.
What sort of things?
What do you mean, “what sort of things”?
What sort of things bother you?
What kind of a question is that?
Indulge me.
“Indulge me”? What the fu-
This would probably go a lot faster if you just answer -
This would probably go a lot faster if you would tell me what this is about.
Alright. I’m doing an evaluation. Of sorts.
Of sorts?
Yes. Of sorts. I can’t go into detail, because that might affect the results of the evaluation.
I see.
Good. Now you were saying there were things that bother you. What sort of things?
You don’t seem to taking any notes.
I have a good memory. Please answer the question.
Fine, whatever. What sort of things…? Hmmm. Okay, I’m not fond of this time of year.
Why?
Well, for starters, the sun is at an awkward angle in the morning. It’s just above the horizon, so it blinds me when on my way to work.
And…?
And nothing. It’s annoying.
You said, “for starters”, what else?
Ah, you know.
I don’t think I do. Could you be more specific?
Things. Stuff. What difference does it make? Is it important?
It might be.
Oh really?
Yes, really.
How so?
Look – never mind. Let me ask you something else. Do you know who this is?
Er – looks like the Clown Prince of Camp to me.
Yes alright, but do you recognise the person in the photo?
What does “Punchstock” mean?
It doesn’t matter. Do you recognise this face?
It must mean something.
It does, but I don’t want to get into that right now.
Why not?
Look, just tell me if you recognise this person or not.
No, I don’t.
Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure? Doesn’t even look vaguely familiar?
Define “vaguely”.
Aaargh!
Hey relax, man. Deep loving breaths.
What?
Nothing.
Would you please answer the question? Do you know who this is?
No, I don’t think so. The face is vaguely familiar, but I can’t place it.
This was taken by a security camera on the corner of Adderley and Wale Street. Any bells ringing, now?
Sorry, no.
Parade, hail of bullets, chaos, blood, gore? Seventeen dead? No? Still nothing?
What the fuck are you on about?
Don’t worry about it, let me ask you something else -
Hey, hang on – a moment ago you were popping an artery and now you’re all “Oh, don’t worry about it”. What is wrong with you?
Let’s just say I have an investment in the outcome of this conversation and leave it at that, shall we?
No, let’s not.
Look, I told you -
Yeah, you did. Now, how about you just get the fuck out of my office? Sorry to be rude, but I do have work to finish.
Look, it’s complicated.
Try me.
Alright, what’s the last thing you remember before today?
What’s that got to do with anything?
Everything! Think – what’s the last thing you remember?
Uh – I seem to have gone blank. Give me a moment.
What did you have for supper last night?
I – I – don’t know.
Where did you grow up? What’s your mother’s name?
Um…
Damn! Pause programme. Save. Close. Open journal. Record. Latest patch unsuccessful. Simulation is both uncooperative and mildly belligerent. He – ah – it is still unable to access the pre-death memories of the original. Even more disturbing, it does not even recognise itself now. This could just be a glitch, but that seems unlikely at this stage. I am beginning to suspect deliberate sabotage. It looks like the fundamentalists may have got to someone on the team. Pause journal. Save. Close.

Fucking religious nuts. The guardians of the rainbow don’t like those who get in the way of the sun.

18 Comments »

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No bullets? After all that?

Comment by peas on toast — 29 August 2008 #

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You mean we don’t go to heaven? *blink* *blink*

Comment by Dolce — 29 August 2008 #

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peas: Nope. Just the one I’m biting on.
dolce: Not unless you know Lord Flashheart. Woof!

Comment by kyknoord — 29 August 2008 #

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kyknoord, I think you’ve already been to heaven recently

Comment by nursemyra — 29 August 2008 #

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nursemyra: Hell yeah!

Comment by kyknoord — 29 August 2008 #

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heaven causes bruises and makes you walk funny?

sounds like another day at the office to me… except my interviewer was dressed like kabuki-boy…

Comment by daisyfae — 29 August 2008 #

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daisy: Nah, just bruises. I always walked funny.

Comment by kyknoord — 29 August 2008 #

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kyknoord, that is an excellent piece of fiction. Wait, I presume it’s fiction? How can I be sure? Hmm?

Comment by Rob — 29 August 2008 #

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You win a bottle of wine in this competition right? You don’t drink. You have sex on tap. This is equivalent to entering the lotto when you are already a millionaire… pff!

Comment by anicker — 29 August 2008 #

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Anicker: Correction. He wins SIX bottles of wine – if he wins. Silver medal award winning Shiraz I might add, and with his truly a non drinker, where’s the justice in that? It SHOULD be grounds for instant dis-qualification Perhaps it may still … watch for results, out early next week ….

Comment by Parenthesis — 29 August 2008 #

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[...] 29, 2008 at 8:40 pm (Bits ‘n bobs, Meme’s, Random, Why can’t I write like this?) Kyknoord has entered the fray. He’s possibly the last person I thought would submit an entry. Now that [...]

Pingback by Dazzle Me —- 2 days and counting …. « [Parenthesis] — 29 August 2008 #

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It’s like you’ve been sitting in on my therapy sessions. Cut it out.

Comment by robinaltman — 30 August 2008 #

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Surely you must only toast it on one side to be able to call it in the air?

Comment by beaverboosh — 30 August 2008 #

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Um. Would you like fries with that?

Comment by Mandy de Waal — 30 August 2008 #

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Ooh that was good. In fact it was so good it was way too short. (Commence immature but oh-so-funny sex jokes now.)

Comment by anne — 30 August 2008 #

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rob: You can’t.
anicker: pff? Have you sprung a leak?
parenthesis: Justice? Where have you been?
robin: I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.
beaverboosh: It’s an open sandwich.
mandy: Super-size me.
anne: I get that a lot.

Comment by kyknoord — 1 September 2008 #

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no. it is Neanderthal for cunt. anyhoo it would have been the only spring that has sprung around here. happy spring to all the capetonians out there having little orgasms over all the weather talk material from the weekend.

Comment by anicker — 1 September 2008 #

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Dave…my mind is going…I can feel it…I can feel it

Comment by Revolving Credit — 2 September 2008 #

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