A meeting of the mindless

“Hello honey, how was your day?”
“Oh, there were one or two highlights”
“Such as?”
“Well, I really enjoyed coming home”

Half my day had to be sacrificed to appease the corporate god of meetings. Meetings. Those black holes of time into which our youth and and enthusiasm and vanish, never to be seen again. Today’s meeting was on a par with those ludicrous meetings that are held to decide what to discuss in other meetings. The subject was – wait for it – “why are we not as productive as we should be?” Clearly our office is a place where irony is lost in equal proportion to time.

I suggested that the simple answer (at least for anyone with two brain cells to rub together, so I suppose that automatically excludes senior management) is that we spend too much bloody time in bloody meetings which were bloody pointless to begin with! Obviously, I am paraphrasing here. My actual comment was couched in corporate-speak, so that the section heads would understand and was considerably less bloody. I had to use arse-creeping phrases like, “streamline discussion content” and “focus on core issues”, because if I actually cut to the chase and said, “you guys talk too much crap”, my blog would probably be all about my search for a new job.

Anyway, as hour three of the bullfest rolled over us like a military parade in Red Square, I could see that most of my poor colleagues were quite obviously struggling to stay awake. One of the few advantages of suffering from insomnia (as I do) is that I appear to be alert in meetings, no matter how dull they may be. I suspect that it is this characteristic that is responsible for my advancement in the company, rather than any actual aptitude on my part for the work we do.


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