I have just returned from a training course. Every so often my company sends me on industry-related courses and this one was held in Welgemoed at Bell Rosen, overlooking the golf course. The venue was fabulous, but the actual training left much to be desired. The majority of the courses I’ve attended have either been a load of nebulous nonsense or common sense restated in industry jargon. This course ended up being a bit of both: nebulous nonsense restated in industry jargon. In short, a complete waste of time.
The presenter was one of those creepy guys with piggy eyes, moist hands and a face that just ached to be slapped. He spoke in a measured monotone carefully calculated to induce maximum somnolence. As the course progressed, he developed several of annoying habits: He would repeat the last thing he said. The last thing he said. The last thing he said. He also liked to pause dramatically and wait for us to fill in the missing… word. Nobody ever did, which was hilarious and resulted in much brow-furrowing on his part, causing his piggy eyes to vanish alarmingly. Every so often he would lapse into a strange ‘wannabe priest mode’, where he would raise his hand while nodding and smiling beatifically – as if offering us benediction. Extremely weird. I couldn’t help squirming uneasily in my chair every time this happened because neo-nazis on happy pills make me nervous.
The course was allegedly offered in English, but was so liberally splattered with jargon, I wasn’t entirely sure at times. For example, “The outcome objective indicators for this simulation are referenced in the module and must be recorded on the appropriate integrated assessment tool template. Include these in your portfolio of evidence, or you will be found not yet competent in terms of the unit standard”. Huh? Translation: the answers for the exercise are in the course notes and must go on the correct answer sheet. Put these in your work file or you will fail the course.
The presenter’s preferred way to emphasise a point was to use the phrase, “Are you hearing what I’m saying?” I hear the words, dude. I just don’t understand them.