The Tooth? You can’t handle the tooth!

The sprog is teething at present and this translates into much nocturnal unhappiness for the entire household. I sometimes suffer from insomnia but as luck would have it, this is not one of those times. As a consequence, I have a permanently bleary look plastered on my face during the day and you can use my eyes to plot a route to Kuruman via Orania from anywhere in South Africa.

One of the worst things about being awake at 2 a.m. (apart from being tired, of course) is that sufficient time has passed since dinner for my stomach to start wondering when the next meal is due. On the one hand, I have difficulty falling asleep when I am hungry, while on the other, I have difficulty keeping my weight in check. Therein lies the dilemma.

It doesn’t take a nutrition expert to understand the energy conservation principle: The amount of energy entering your body (in the form of food) has to either leave via the rear exit or be used for something useful (like powering your arm to lift the TV remote). Any surplus energy will hang around like an unwanted house guest in the form of an expanding waistline. Of course, since not much in the way of energy-burning takes place in the small hours of the morning (“What? Sex at this hour? Are you nuts?” “Aw c’mon. We’re both awake, aren’t we?” Meaningful silence…), the food just heads directly towards my boep without bothering to pass ‘Go’ or collect $200.

To eat or not to eat, that is the Question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the night to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous hunger pangs
Or to take arms against a stomach of rumbles,
And by bingeing end them? — Omelet Act III, scene i


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