Good in parts

Perhaps this is an opportune moment to return to a narrative thread that I have left dangling for a while. I have been given a part in the play that I mentioned a few weeks ago, but my blonde friend didn’t make the cut. I must confess that this is something of a relief for me. At least now I can safely attend rehearsals secure in the knowledge that my wife isn’t lying awake imagining my body entwined in sweaty embrace with the fair-haired individual in question. I need not fear the prospect of returning home to the sound of the carving knife being sharpened.

Anyway, we had our first read-through last night. To a large extent, the cast is made up of distressingly normal types, but fortunately there are a couple of exceptions to add spice to the pot. One of my fellow cast-members is bland to the point of transparency and another has a really disturbing set of teeth like one of the HR Giger / Ridley Scott Aliens.

Incidentally, there is evidence to suggest that the director may have pre-cast the lead roles, in which case, the audition I attended was essentially to fill in the missing gaps. At first, I was concerned that I was going to be assigned the role of ‘Nondescript Young Man’ or ‘Man Who Comes On When Everyone Else Is Dead’, but as luck would have it, the director saw me as more of a ‘Grave-Digger Number 1’ type of actor. I get to say “Aaarrh!” and walk with a pronounced limp. Well, not quite. The part tends more towards mobile scenery part than that of sexy leading man, but I think I can handle it.

This is completely off the point, but is anyone else itching to post a bogus version of Dave & Debbie’s gift register?


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