The lowest form of life

About six months ago I was involved in an accident. In a nutshell, a guy driving a giant cretinmobile decided to see what my scooter would look like as a hood ornament. Once he had satisfied his curiosity, he sped away leaving me bleeding and fuming, surrounded by an interesting 3-D puzzle that had once qualified as a mode of transport. The scooter was repaired, my injuries healed and my insurance company did a bit of bullet-biting and that was that. Or so I thought…

Today I received a registered letter in the post. It is never good to receive one of these things, because about the only people you get them from are lawyers or seriously paranoid aunts who don’t trust the postal service. As luck would have it, the envelope contained a Letter Of Demand from none other than Mr Cretinmobile’s lawyer. As is typical in this sort of correspondence, the page was overflowing with excitingly scary legal terms, but actually containing very little of actual substance. It pretty much boiled down to: To compensate our utterly blameless client for damages that were absolutely 100% totally YOUR fault, you negligent bastard, you will surrender the fillings in your teeth and your first-born child by such-and-such a date or there will be trouble!.

I’ve heard that attack is supposed to be the best form of defence, but I think these boys need to ease off on the caffeine or up their Ritalin dose a bit.


10 thoughts on “The lowest form of life

  1. I think there’s a form letter for these situations.

    Got one myself after some idiot in a brand-new Merc slammed into my poor little Toyota, taking out my hip and moving the seat across the gear-stick at high speed (he was NOT there when I started to pull out across the road, but came speeding around the corner on a rainy night…).

    We handed it over to the insurance blokes, who probably sent another form-letter response, but we never heard back from him and assume they sorted it out between them.


  2. I am hoping that my insurance will send them packing. If not, I have a Plan B: they foolishly included their e-mail address on the letterhead, which means vistas of oppotunity open up before me… (evil cackle)


  3. These people who instruct their insurers to claim…

    A couple of years ago I was on my way home late at night in pouring rain and managed to spin my car on the M1 in Johannesburg.

    A Porsche came round the bend (after I had got out of the car) and slammed into the back.

    Then a golf came round the bend and hit the porsche.

    All in all, the Porsche was sandwiched / totalled (as was my car).

    A few weeks later my isurers phoned saying the Porsche owner had instructed his insurers to file a claim against me.

    Now while a little knowledge may be a dangerous thing, my little knowledge proved to be dangerous for this guy. I knew that if someone hits you from behind, no matter what happened, their insurer admits liability. So I instructed my insurers to counter-claim.

    Poor bastard. Wrote off his dad’s Porsche and ended up paying for my written off car too!

    Now I just hope he didn’t get clever and sue the poor student driving the 1979 Golf who hit him from behind…


  4. Arrrrghhh, I hate people who do that! So frustrating…

    I have only been in two accidents in my life, and one was because of an impatient dude, in peak hour traffic trying to get across the train boom gates before they closed, and the second thanks to a drunk dude on a Sunday.

    My poor car will never be the same. I wish you the best of luck – assholes are the worst kind of life form.


  5. bad penny, poppy cede: I could take my antagonist to task (and I still may, if things get ugly), but this is simply an insurance tactic and I refuse to bite at present.


  6. If you are in the right – and especially if this bloke hit you from behind – just tell your insurers to counter claim. Then forget about it. They do the rest. They’ll probably only get back to you in a year with the result.


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