Space invader

One of the fundamental principles of physics is that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. One of the fundamental principles of the Kyknoord household is that my morning routine remains fixed. Unfortunately, my wife’s early morning preparations are anything but routine and all attempts to describe them in coherent terms would reduce a hardened chaos theorist to tears. This means that every so often, these two principles fall foul of one another and contrive to make me late for work.

Consequently, there are times (like this morning) when my wife manages to be exactly where I want be. At all times. Without exception. This wouldn’t be too difficult to achieve if it was planned, but it wasn’t. She managed it by means of a series of seemingly random oscillations between the bathroom and the kitchen. I say ‘seemingly random’, because her activities were utterly unconnected with anything I was doing, except in the spacial sense, of course. To illustrate: while I was trying to shave, my dear spouse desperately needed to check if the towels were damp or not. My attempts to retrieve the cereal were thwarted by Mrs Kyknoord’s urgent desire to find a pot to make soup in (not just any old pot – it had to be the right pot). And so forth.

An interesting outcome of our impromptu domestic pas de deux is that she was equally annoyed with me for obstructing her progress. Inadvertent revenge is just as sweet as the regular variety.


10 thoughts on “Space invader

  1. Being single, I do not have to deal with human space invaders, except maybe on the weekend. The only pas de deux I do in the morning is when I tiptoe across the cold floor in my jammies while hugging myself.
    I have space invaders of another kind. The make-up, panties, stockings, etc. the gf seems to leave around the bedroom and bathroom when she visits. I prefer them on her rather than “on” the interior of the house.


  2. It’s easy for me, as my wife has her own personal alarm system that’s motion activated….if I get within three feet of her in the morning, I get growls that would scare a wookie….

    Fortunately I have a fool proof alarm deactivation tool……I just ply her with coffee!


  3. Chitty: I think my life would be excruciatingly dull if I wasn’t married, so I’m rather fond of these daily challenges. Regarding your situation – maybe you should offer your gf’s undies up for auction on your site. I’m sure there’s money to be made there.

    Machine? I don’ remembah no steenking machine: (Sorry. I just had to get that out of my system) I’m not sure I’m brave enough to get the missus all wired.


  4. I kinda thought it was the other way around… when you get married, things tend to slow down. I guess it is all about perspective and the type of person you are.
    Don’t think the gf would appreciate me selling her panties. May be the fastest way yet to achieve ‘singledom’. 🙂


  5. It makes sense that she may give you the boot if you start marketing her frilly apparel. I was thinking more along the lines of an object lesson – i.e. use ’em, or lose ’em babe.


  6. Hilarious! I’m with you on the excruciatingly dull. I’m so happy to have found the one person I want to annoy for the rest of my life.

    Hee. Chaos theory.


  7. Hee hee, I’m on Mrs Kyknoord’s side here… what is it with husbands getting underfoot when clearly we have the right of way?!
    Congrats on finding the solution though – nothing like a few cups of coffee to turn us from banshees into loving wives in the morning!


  8. I’m in awe of the concept of impeding her progress in a situation that could bring a chaos theorist to tears. Mighty brave! And I have to say, inadvertent revenge is the best… no funny karma stuff following you around.


  9. ZG: Yup. It’s fun being an instrument of divine retribution.

    Terri: What can I say? You are evil and must be stopped. I have released the hounds, so it’s only a matter of time…

    LiVEwiRe: Damn those chaos theorists! Anything that makes them cry is alright in my book.


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