A bumper buttock blasting bonanza

Another interesting side-effect of my medication is that it has made me gassy. Extremely gassy. I have already had several firm offers from major oil companies wanting to exploit my digestive tract and Greenpeace has started a protesting outside the flat. Hmmm… it says ‘mild hallucinations’ here on the package insert. How odd.

Anyway, the reason I mention this is because until recently, I have never been able to produce anything truly spectacular in the backside burp department. A pathetic ‘pfpt’ or a mortifying ‘mEEEEeeew’ has pretty much been the full extent of my repertoire. Lately though, I’ve been setting off derriere detonations that have the potential to become the stuff of legend.

Before I left the office on Friday, I made a stop to use the facilities. Just doing my bit to curb incipient road-rage (you try keeping calm in the traffic when the contents of your bladder has reached critical mass). Of course, I find that giving the urinal a good sluicing-down relaxes me no end and relaxes my end, too. Consequence: a real rip-snorter that shook the building to its foundations and reverberated in the upstairs corridor.

Several of my colleagues happened to be in the vicinity as I exited the toilet. The look of utter horror on the faces of the ladies and the look of grudging respect on the faces of the men was the perfect start to the weekend.

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15 thoughts on “A bumper buttock blasting bonanza

  1. You actually had me laughing so hard that I have tears in my eyes! Well, at least I think it was from the laughter… {ahem}. Hey, for all you know, this could be one of the hallucinations they referred to.

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  2. See those meds would have a totally different effect on us ‘wimmin’ [sic] as we never and I mean NEVER have any sort of gaseous emit from our nether regions. Prove it. Mwahahahahaha.

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  3. anna: A weak end story, maybe?

    LiVEwiRe: What’s IN these pills?

    WT: Welcome to the Pleasuredome, chum. Glad you could make it 🙂

    bee: Yup, them wimmim is jest A-mayzing ain’t they? It’s E-nuff ta make ya sic (sic).

    Paul: Without a Shadow of a doubt.

    ZG: Class, try to find alternatives for the words very; nice; and weewee.

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  4. I usually have one of those rip- roarers after a night of particularly spicy food. “After action, satisfaction”..
    I am never quite sure who’s “foundation” shakes the more… the buiding’s or mine? O-K… I’ve said more than enough already.

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  5. “Derriere detonations”? If I hadn’t just completely fallen in love with you for inventing that alliteration, I would steal it from you. You genius you.

    However, I cannot comment on this topic any further, because farting is not something a lady does. Ever. At all. No sir.

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  6. IITQ: Doesn’t make sense to me either. Maybe my system is just used to it. Call me the Rusputin of the smelly soup world.

    Lisa: High praise indeed, from the Almighty Alliteration Administrator herself. You are more than welcome to use the expression, although as you point out, it wouldn’t be in connection with yourself. Ever. At all. No sir.

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