A loan in the world

Dear Mr Mbeki

Thank you for so generously offering to pull Robert Mugabe out of the dwang. If there’s one thing that I, as a South African taxpayer, consider close to my heart – it’s ensuring that a dictatorial nutbag like ol’ Bob is kept in the style to which he has grown accustomed.

I realise that you are only offering him a little loan that will definitely be paid back. Please ignore your detractors who say that Mr Mugabe couldn’t find his arse with both hands and an anatomy textbook (let alone a viable recovery plan to drag Zimbabwe out of the pit of bankruptcy). Your faith in his economic prowess is inspiring. I just know that the money will be spent wisely. On humanitarian thingy and stuff. Incidentally, I happen to have some very nice swampland for sale that you may be interested in…

I was also wondering, though. Seeing as how you’re being so generous and all, maybe I could touch you for a few bob – er, I mean bucks. I’m coming up a bit short this month and the credit card company says that they will have to resort to the thumbscrew and hot irons strategy if I don’t cough up. I’ll pay you back. Promise.

Your friend
Kyknoord

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17 thoughts on “A loan in the world

  1. Sorry, Kyk – please can you also ask him for our railtrucks back – the one’s we need to send stuff to other parts of Africa. Also, the last lot of aid cargo we sent up that is rotting in Beit Bridge because he won’t waive the duty (even though the starving masses he has burned out of house and home – not to say displaced farmers – need it ) – could he at leat release it for animal feed ? I’d like to think at least someone will benefit from my last 4 years of free work!

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  2. Who could go wrong with such a sincere statement as that? Oh, and is the swampland you are referring to anywhere near the stuff you sold to me? I’ve yet to actually see it and all but I’m still not sure how I feel having him as my swampland neighbor. Hey wait… What? I don’t see swampland on this map!!!

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  3. agi: This is why I want to make it available to a great guy like Thabo. The interest of the people is foremost in his mind.

    piers: What? You think someone other than Bob should benefit? How selfish can you possibly get?

    livewire: Calm down, your swampland is prime property. The reason you can’t find it is because it’s split into three areas. You know what they say, “location, location, location”. The other swampland – and I must stress that it’s still a very good buy – is quite close by, but don’t be concerned, because Mr Mbeki makes a great neighbour. You can pretty much do as you damn well please and he won’t complain at all.

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  4. I can’t believe that the South African government is so openly supporting Bob’s regime. What do they expect to get in return? Zim no longer has anything to offer anyone! Or is South Africa getting ready to invade Zimbabwe and widen her borders? Who knows what Thabo and his mates are up to?

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  5. Crazy, hey?
    Are we just spectators on the atrocities happening over the border?
    I read something interesting recently: There is so much the government do to help the poor (which is great), but little is ever done for middle class people. They are the ones crippled by debt, cost of living increases etc. A billion bucks. Sheesh.

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  6. delboy: Who knows? ‘Quiet Diplomacy’ is just a tad too quiet, if you ask me.

    scott: You know the cryptic script that graces our new coat of arms? It translates as Kak en betaal is die Wet van Transvaal.

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  7. Seeing as Thabo’s in a particularly generous mood… I would settle for a reduction the petrol price. Most of the cost is due to government levies anyway.

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  8. chitty: As soon as those clever geneticists finish their porcus avioni experiment, we’ll be in business.

    In case anyone is wondering, the deleted comment was not removed by my hand. The originator decided to withdraw it, but for the chronically curious, the message was as follows:
    “That’s MISTER PRESIDENT to you, you irritating peon! First of all, my foreign policy is none of your damned business and secondly, I’m not going to loan you money AGAIN. I’m sending the secret service around to kick your ass! Have a nice day.
    Thabo Mvuyelwa Mbeki

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  9. Is your tax money being spent on Nuke-yuller weapons development? I missed that one completely! Thanks!

    Now, about this swampland… I’ve got a deal for you…. you familiar with New York at all? Well, see, there’s this bridge there…

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