A couple of weeks ago (during my weekend stint at the radio), a fellow presenter and I were discussing the funeral service of a colleague who died earlier this year. We both found it sad that the music chosen for his memorial was so generic and pedestrian. Surely it would have been preferable to dispense with the usual tired old hymns just this once? After all – this was a man who loved his music and had a particular fondness for Vivaldi. The eerie whirring sound in the chapel was probably the poor man spinning in his coffin.
Last night, I was attending a function of sorts and during the break, the subject of mortality and music came up. It transpired that my conversational companion and I both had firm ideas as to the character of each of our future funerals. It made sense to me that I should make these preferences known, rather than have people speculate after the fact as to what I “would have wanted”. The following list should take away some of the guesswork:
- Music: Bizet: Symphony in C (2nd movement Adagio); D Scarlatti: Sonata in B min K27; Schubert: Piano Trio in E flat major op. 100; Vivaldi: Nulla in Mundo Pax Sincera; Pretty much anything by Bach; and KC & the Sunshine Band: That’s the Way I Like It
- I wish to be clad in an amusing suit (optional, but would be nice, if there is an open coffin).
- My epitaph is to be as follows: “A holiday, at last! Bit warm, though”.
- There is to be free booze after the service. And snacks, of course.
- I wish to be cremated and have my ashes discreetly sprinkled on the snacks, so that I will become be a part of everyone there (at least for a while).
- Guest list: knock yourself out, but the following people are NOT welcome, because there will be free booze after the service and I’ll be damned (hmm… poor choice of words, perhaps) if I’m going to lubricate and feed any of them: My boss; The annoying old bat from downstairs; That irritating, opinionated know-it-all (Mrs K knows who I mean); and Frogface from the radio.
Good. That’s settled then. Hope to see you there and meme away, if you so wish.