I’m getting married to a moron…

I received some disturbing news over the weekend. I learned that one of my sisters in-law is engaged. “Engaged in what?”, was my first thought while I looked around for a suitable hiding-place. When it turned out that it was the ‘to be married’ variety of engagement, my wife was able to coax me back out of my cupboard refuge. At least this sorry state of affairs doesn’t affect me directly (for now), but it is disturbing news indeed. I wonder if Hallmark carries a ‘Be Afraid!‘ line of greeting cards?

I still get night sweats when I remember the times this particular sister in-law has come to stay with us, because she is very, very difficult to live with. She has a super-human ability to piss absolutely everybody off within seconds of her arrival in a room and things just go downhill from there. Her picture has been posted outside every cardiac ward in Europe, with warnings not to allow her to speak to the patients under any circumstances whatsoever.

The mind boggles at the prospect that she has found someone to settle down with. The thought that her genes may be passed on to the next generation is enough to make a strong man whimper (but I suppose the Antichrist has to come from somewhere). On the plus side, at least we can take comfort in the fact that my SIL won’t drive her fiancée mad, because he’s obviously certifiable already.

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17 thoughts on “I’m getting married to a moron…

  1. K: You do ralise that there’s a valid reason for all this. It’s so you can relay all the stories of their fucked-up life with your ever-so-twisted-yet-hilarious perspective on it and keep us all entertained. I say encourage this union!

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  2. You’ve never met the guy? Send him an anonymous letter, publish an ad in Metro, do something to save him!
    Or don’t and, as Andrea mentions, laugh (and make us laugh) at the consequences…

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  3. I always wondered who the other girls piture was… But this does mean there is still hope for me. Oddly, if they marry, they will probably be one of the couples that stays together forever. Love is weird.

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  4. Far be it for you to interfere in cosmic love… for all you know she could be a pussycat at home and only drives you insane because, well, she can
    😉

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  5. Sounds like you have a wealth of blog fodder in store! I’ll be very interested to read what kind of gent this is, insane? a total wuss? a brute who levied her into submission?…. I’ll be tuning in!

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  6. Maybe he likes soup. Think of all the in-law dinners you could enjoy! It might be enough to make this guy turn and run – if the SIL in question didn’t…
    It’s true – this will certainly keep us all entertained! Carry on!

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  7. andrea: It’s a dirty job, but if the shoe fits, sleep in it.

    anne: Another charming army expression springs to mind: ”As jy dom is, moet jy kak”, which translates roughly as “Wilful stupidity has well-deserved consequences”, so I’m planning to follow Andrea’s suggestion.

    livewire: ”…other picture…” Ahahahahaha [minor coughing fit. I wouldn’t be surprised if they stay together – each with their ever-stiffening fingers sweetly clamped around the other’s throat.

    paul: Indeed. About as thankful as I am that I don’t have the Ebola virus.

    terri: This time, it’s not just me. She’s like the leader of an anti-cult – wherever she goes, people disperse. At times, her own siblings have had to be restrained to keep them from attacking her.

    tj: Thus far, we have little information on the Man of the Moment. My other sister in-law has been kept totally out of the loop on this one, and she’s our chief informant in these matters.

    beastarzmom: Soup? Aaaaaargh! Excuse me while I tighten my straightjacket and retire to my study with the soft walls.

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  8. “Engaged in what?” Hahaha. Random activities of self gratification, perhaps?
    The words of the nursery rhyme somehow came to mind when reading the post.
    “Will you walk into my parlour?”
    Said the spider to the fly

    And we all know how that one ends

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  9. chitty: This begs the question: If she sucks him dry, will he die happy?

    jeff: Your profile indicates that ‘The Art of War’ is one of your favourite reads and if memory serves, “never underestimate the enemy” is an important aspect of continued survival. So to answer your question: Bloody hell, YES!

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  10. this is very exciting stuff. not only will i get to red about your lazy bird (wife) but now also about this crazy SIL. I’m wet just thinking of all the voyeurism that’s in line for my reading pleasure.

    yes, i’m a sick bastard.

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  11. eKapa: I wouldn’t take that deep breath just yet. After one brief flash of info, we have been plunged into data darkness again and there’s no telling when the next snippet will be released. [sound of teeth grinding]

    chitty: No flies on you, mate!

    christel: Everyone loves a Hallmark moment 🙂

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