Obstacle course

On Friday, my company sent me on yet another course. I’m not entirely sure why, but it’s possible that they are simply trying to get me out of the office where I can do the least amount of harm. On the other hand, it is also possible that my work is so appallingly bad that anything that manages to stick to the inside of my skull will result in an improvement, irrespective of the type of training I receive.

I am always suspicious of ‘training courses’ that are presented by manufacturers or consultants that provide a product or service related to the training topic. They invariably end up being an extended advertisement for the company in question. Friday’s course proved to be another of these ‘Why You Desperately Need Us To Pay Us To Tell You What To Do’ sales pitches. They could have saved everyone a lot of time and effort if they had mailed us their company brochure and let us decide at our own leisure just how much we really need them. The cherry on the cake was that my company had actually paid for me to attend this painfully blatant hard-sell session.

It would have been less annoying if the material had been at least vaguely interesting and the presenter hadn’t been such an irksome individual. This guy would be absolutely perfect for the role of ‘Fat Bastard’s Brother’ in the next Austin Powers movie. Nothing short of a tactical nuclear strike could shift the self-satisfied, arrogant smirk he had permanently plastered on his hideous face. He answered most of our questions with sneered variations on the theme of “Because I say so – so just sit down and shut up!” and his stock response to any queries related to legal issues was “It’s the Law!”

So was the policy of Apartheid, shithead. That doesn’t mean it was correct.

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14 thoughts on “Obstacle course

  1. What always amazes me is that these people *actually* get paid to stand there and insult our intelligence like that. People get paid to be shitheads! A-bloody-mazing!
    People like that guy – shouldn’t breath.

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  2. So, uh, tell me. Did this lovely speaker happen to mysteriously ‘disappear’ shortly after this course? Has he been found since? (Psst…. give me tickets to your play and I’ll be your alibi. And transportation, of course.)

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  3. I go through something similar with technical training. Our co. pays thousands of dollars per class only to find out the course barely covers introductory material and the instructor is an idiot… big scam that equals big write-offs and is a total waste of time.

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  4. Welcome to the world of the pseudo-intellectual who thinks just because they are able to present a course they are the alpha and omega on the subject.
    Do what I would so and write silly messages to myself. If that fails, you can always fall back on drawing stickmen.
    Never a dull moment, I tell you!

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  5. I figure Fat Bastard’s brother is probably thin as a rail. You know, because there was never any food around when he was growing up. He’s probably OCD as well, and washes his hands a lot, because he was so freaked out by his brothers disguting habits.

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  6. spookie: Supply & demand is weird, weird thing sometimes.

    livewire: The only way to make this guy ‘disappear’, would be to hide him behind a small planet. I’ll see what I can do about tickets. The transport should be no problem – just remember to poke holes in the cardboard box before you seal it up.

    anne: I knew we could count on you!

    tj: Yup. That’s the problem – technically it’s training, but it’s not technical training.

    andrea: I have nothing against people trying to sell me stuff – as long as they’re upfront about it.

    tertia: To borrow from Austin Powers again: that’s him in a nutshell (a BIG nutshell).

    chitty: Quite right. I need to learn to focus on the important stuff. Stickmen to the rescue!

    jj: I can foresee many, many problems if we end up working on the same set. Many problems. Creatively, we just don’t seem to have the same vision.

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  7. “Nothing short of a tactical nuclear strike could shift the self-satisfied, arrogant smirk he had permanently plastered on his hideous face”

    That’s just beautiful, man…(sniffsniff)……

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