Judgement day

I’ve said it numerous times: opinions are like arses – everyone has one, but some are more attractive than others. To extend the metaphor (or simile, if you are from the Grammar Police), I don’t begrudge anyone their opinion, I just don’t necessarily want it shoved in my face.

I’m a fairly tranquil guy on the surface. As a result, some people incorrectly assume that I’m fairly relaxed. The truth of the matter is that the facade is only smooth as a consequence of internal pressure – sort of like balloon. Most of the time, I’m desperately trying not to kill the person talking to me. How does the song go? ‘Pop goes the weasel’ – well, I’m trying to defer the day when you can colour me weasel, but it’s difficult, let me tell you. How the hell did I get here? From opinions to weasels in one easy step. Surreal.

Anyway, to borrow heavily from a joke that’s been doing the rounds: Before you judge me, walk a mile in my shoes. That way, when you judge me, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have my shoes.

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17 thoughts on “Judgement day

  1. Poor you.

    I wouldn’t envy you in my shoes. They rub, the heels are too high when you’re pissed and they’re a bitch to get off.

    Yes, *just* like me. πŸ™‚

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  2. Seems you and I posted on similar subjects today, albeit from different perspectives.
    Opinions are just that… opinions. While everyone has the right to have one… some people should forefeit that right on the ground that it amounts to a gross abuse of human rights.

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  3. It’s extremely gratifying sometimes to just go “hmmm…” in the face of a preposterously obnoxious/stupid/hateful/unfounded/wrong opinion, with a mocking smile for good measure. Inside my own head, an ear-splitting scream is echoing, but it’s fine because the person opposite me has just been dumped in the doldrums of self-doubt and other “was she just taking the mickey?” interrogations. All in one swift move.
    And of course if I could kill, I would. But then, they’d win, wouldn’t they? Can’t let that happen.

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  4. Yes, “opinions are like arsholes,everybody’s got one, and if I wanted to hear from an arshole – I’d fart!” I used to say that alot – but I am not that crude anymore, it worked though and would shut people up pretty quickly. Or you could also say – “If I want your opinion I’ll give it to you.” Thats the one I like to use nowadays. It also works quite well.

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  5. Heh. I’d actually never heard that last saying. Thanks for sharing it.

    And am I the only person who is scared of the song ‘Pop Goes the Weasel’? Seriously. I hated jack-in-the-boxes.

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  6. lee: I swear the thought never crossed my mind. Even once. Well okay, once.

    chitty: Weird isn’t it? The thing is, if I ask for an opinion (which I do on occasion), I know that I have to accept what comes my way. It’s the unsolicited ‘you are utterly wrong’ ones that I have difficulty with.

    anne: They would, but what a hollow victory if you have to die to achieve it, eh?

    michelle: I am not a peanut!

    nomad: Thursday? Well, okay.

    banquo: Always good to find something that works. Still exploring options here, but I rather like Anne’s approach.

    zube girl: Interesting. I’ve always understood the song to have been based on fabric spinning and the sound the loom makes.

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  7. I’m afraid I don’t have an opinion on this one.
    I don’t get fazed by other peoples’ opinions – I have a rare ability to see things from all points of view. The downside is, making decisions is a bitch!

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  8. I’ve heard that saying before, but a little differently:

    “Opinions are like assholes. Everyone’s got one and they all stink.”

    I like banquo’s version too.

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  9. I have one of those placid surfaces that covers a thousand seething snakes, too. I’ve been known to let one pop out at times, in the form of the snarky sarcastic comeback, but I’m finding that less and less satisfying. (Am I growing up? — God, I hope not.)

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  10. I make it a point to force people’s opinions out of them. Most people just don’t want to share. But it’s all part of my evil scheme to rule the world.

    (shhh, keep this quiet, though, please.)

    I can only walk a mile in your shoes if they are at least a size 13 (american).

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  11. I have a Happy Bunny window sticker that says ‘Thank you for not making me kill you’. That should explain where I stand on that.

    Just don’t ask me to walk north for a mile… I’d a mile (less 500 feet) under the lake.

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  12. paul: Sure, I’ll try anything once.

    terri: Ahahaha I’ll bet it is. Ordering pizza must be a killer.

    jj: Thought you might πŸ™‚

    andrea: Nooooo! Say it isn’t so. Growing up is horrible. I did it once and it has nothing to recommend it. You’re probably finding that your remarks are less satisfying, because you realise that most of them are falling on ears of cloth.

    bryan: That is evil. Could be fun, though. Incidentally, if you’re a size 13, then a mile in my shoes would be a thoroughly unpleasant experience.

    livewire: LOL. Gotta get me a sticker like that. No walking for you, then. I hate wet shoes.

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