To the bastard who emptied the contents of his crankcase onto the freeway offramp
I would like to thank you for doing such a thorough job. This is the kind of attention to detail that is often lacking these days and you are an example to us all. If we’d been talking about a simple dribble or streak here, there’s a good chance that I could have missed it when I returned home last night, but as luck (or design) would have it, the quantity and extent of lane coverage ensured that there was no hope at all of me avoiding it.
As a consequence, within moments of the front wheel of my scooter encountering your tribute to Jackson Pollock, I was treated to the exciting experience of viewing the road from an altitude of two millimetres. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed seeing the tarmac rush past my nose at a hundred kilometres per hour, but let’s just say that bungee jumping holds little fear for me now. I also cannot thank you enough for the new and interesting linear patterns on the one side of my scooter. They give my transport that unique touch, which is so hard to achieve by conventional means.
By the way, please don’t be concerned about my dislocated shoulder, cracked rib and multiple abrasions. I would be more than happy to return the favour sometime.