Oil spill

To the bastard who emptied the contents of his crankcase onto the freeway offramp

I would like to thank you for doing such a thorough job. This is the kind of attention to detail that is often lacking these days and you are an example to us all. If we’d been talking about a simple dribble or streak here, there’s a good chance that I could have missed it when I returned home last night, but as luck (or design) would have it, the quantity and extent of lane coverage ensured that there was no hope at all of me avoiding it.

As a consequence, within moments of the front wheel of my scooter encountering your tribute to Jackson Pollock, I was treated to the exciting experience of viewing the road from an altitude of two millimetres. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed seeing the tarmac rush past my nose at a hundred kilometres per hour, but let’s just say that bungee jumping holds little fear for me now. I also cannot thank you enough for the new and interesting linear patterns on the one side of my scooter. They give my transport that unique touch, which is so hard to achieve by conventional means.

By the way, please don’t be concerned about my dislocated shoulder, cracked rib and multiple abrasions. I would be more than happy to return the favour sometime.

Your friend,
Kyknoord

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36 thoughts on “Oil spill

  1. Damn Kyknoord. Feel better. Hopefully you get to take it easy while Mrs. Kyknoord brings you some hot soup. Or, er, maybe just some toast.

    Here’s to a speedy recovery.

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  2. See, that’s when a “Dear Mr. Fucker” comes in handy.
    Feel better soon. Oh yes, and take advantage of that: force everyone to be at your beck and call…

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  3. Ouch. Take care of yourself — at least you’re young enough to bounce back (bad choice of words?) pretty quickly. Maybe you can get the guy in to conduct a workplace seminar on the value of thoroughness. And your scooter goes 100 km/h? I’m impressed.

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  4. Man,

    That sucks like a horny catfish. Damn funny post though.
    Which offramp is it? If it’s one off the M3, I need to know. Accurately. Mind you. After last night, it seems unlikely that there’ll be any oil left.

    Cheers for now.
    Keep up the good work.
    Flo.

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  5. I’d offer a hug but it sounds like it might hurt. I’m certainly glad you lived to tell and the way you tell it almost had me in tears. I should say it was your style and tone, not the fact that people are idiots and you got hurt. If you ever need someone to back you, you know who to call…

    Cap’n Lucy

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  6. bryan: [Homer Simpson voice] It’s a deal!

    IITQ: Thanks. Although in my case, it’s bad bikema.

    lee: If my tribulations can bring joy to others, then my work here is done πŸ™‚

    andrea: Yup, my scooter is quite impressive (but not very impressive looking, now). I can manage about 115 on the flat when there isn’t any wind.

    flo: It was the Ladies Mile offramp on the southbound lane of the M3. You can keep the broken bits of plastic for souvenirs if you like.

    paintingchef: You and me both.

    tertia: The second day is always the worst. Things should improve from here on out.

    scott: I’m not involved in any production at the moment, so fortunately, it’s not a problem.

    livewire: I was almost in tears, too. Oddly enough, my reason was because people are idiots and I got hurt.

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  7. pft. Broken ribs, abrasions, discoloations blah blah blah… mere bruises. As long as you are well enough to blog, I’m happy. Now if there were any bruised blogging fingers – hell would definitely have no fury like this scorned woman. hehehe

    Anyway, get better soon boet!

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  8. So sorry for you. Get well soon.

    I suppose your legs were ok ‘cos of all the ‘break a leg’ wishes recently. And they can’t be broken twice so soon! πŸ™‚

    Oh dear, I know I shouldn’t really try to do humour ……..

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  9. I have to say it too…I hope you’re feeling better or at the very least you got good drugs to wisk away the pain.

    I got into a bad scooter accident when I lived in Italy, did a flying flip going 40 miles an hour and spent two months with my face looking like it went through a meat grinder!

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  10. Ah – Bergvliet boy, huh? Nice tight corner there! Good choice.

    *Grr* Wish you’d told me earlier. Dark now and I don’t like collecting souvenir plastic in the dark. *Grumble*

    Flo.

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  11. jason: Thanks & my pleasure.

    tj: Ouch! I think I got off easily – all my injuries are hidden. I hope you are starting to feel better after your torrid dental experience.

    del: Nothing like a near-death experience to focus the mind πŸ™‚

    flo: Not that it really matters, but I live in Kenilworth. I was taking a detour to pick something up on my way home.

    beastarzmom: True enough and good advice. I’ll just have to maintain my foul mood for a bit longer.

    sophie: Ta and will do.

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  12. Aa man, that really just stinks. Trust me, it is the absolute last thing anybody needs, kinda like a hole in the head – not helpful. Feel better soon hear.

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  13. So sorry to hear about your accident. Hopefully the drugs has alieved the insomnia you have been suffering. I have to apologize for the very funny image I got from “seeing the tarmac rush past my nose at a hundred kilometres per hour”. I am sure you are already feeling much better.

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  14. banquo: Will do. Some holes are useful: ears, mouth, nose etc πŸ™‚

    buddess: Let’s put it this way, I enjoy my insomnia a lot more now.

    nomad: Hope you like Marilyn Manson, then.

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  15. You have my utmost sympathies, having done the “front wheel fandango” on a scooter myself and ending up with plenty road rash…. the wheels on those things are too small. Gotta get a bigger bike man…. Although… oil will pretty much fuck you up on anything kinda like loose gravel – only slippery :-)–>

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