Key words

The sprog has reached the age where she is becoming extremely vocal and is beginning to make herself understood in language terms (as opposed to the point and screech approach). For example, “uppoo” often means “would you be so kind as to furnish me with a piece of fruit? Apple would do nicely”. This is not unequivocal, since “uppoo” (usually accompanied by a noticeable pungency to the air) also translates as “I’m ready to be changed now, so you’d better finish that chocolate mousse quickly, because you won’t be wanting it later”.

It’s extremely gratifying for all parties concerned when there is a genuine meeting of the minds. Unfortunately, these occasional bursts of clarity are tightly interwoven with the opaque and utterly obscure. My Toddler/English lexicon grows daily, but it is still woefully inadequate. Every so often, the youngster will start to babble away in what sounds to the untrained ear like fluent Hungarian or some other Eastern European language. All the adults in the room glance at one another with that uneasy ‘did anyone get that or do we send for the exorcist?’ look on their faces. The sprog, in turn, can clearly see that no pennies are dropping.

This is probably why most kids develop ‘issues’ as they grow older. They’ve had to cope with the subtle trauma of having parents who appear to be just a little bit thick.