Caustic cattle

Every so often my job takes me into the realm of the weird. We’re not talking the tabloid-quality ‘MAN EATS OWN HEAD’ type of strange, but definitely stuff that’s off to the left of the ordinary.

I recently paid a visit to a construction site, where I took a walk around to check progress and examine the quality of work on the roads, which were just about complete. The site is close to the periphery of the city, so there is a certain rural quality to the area. By this, I mean that every so often, you see cows wandering about the place. The bovine beasties don’t appear to be at all cowed by bulldozers and seem to enjoy showing their disdain for the Works of Man by defecating freely and ubiquitously.

During my inspection tour, I encountered evidence that one of the cows had been out on a bender the night before, because the deposit it left on the road lacked the pleasing firmness that you would normally expect. The bizarre thing was that this runny specimen had started to corrode the bitumen surfacing and that, I might add, takes some doing.

So the next time you find yourself groping for a simile for ‘acidic’, you have my assurance that references to ‘cow pie’ are perfectly acceptable (this may also explain why beef gives my father heartburn).


17 thoughts on “Caustic cattle

  1. How now, acid cow? Perhaps there is a secret experiment taking place to create a new “potent” weapon that is low cost? Cow poo – smelly and acidic, yet inexpensive and easy to store.


  2. Oh my. I have laughy tears in my eyes.

    Not only was the story hilarious, but I have a serious leg-humping adoration of the word “bovine.” It puts me in fits of giggles, ALWAYS.

    Thanks Kyknoord.


  3. anne: It’s possible. It could be a cunning disguise to lull us into a false sense of security, because nobody takes cows too seriously.

    banquo: I’m not so sure about the ‘storage’ part. This lot seem all to keen to offload.

    nomad: Depends on the context.

    paul: aka many other fun names.

    angel: No way to tell for sure, although for a human to produce the amount we’re talking about in one – ahem – sitting, then it might be an idea to get the tabloids involved after all.

    zube girl: I’m guessing you must be a Gary Larson groupie, too.

    jay: So does the contractor.

    livewire: Come to think of it, his sense of smell isn’t all that good…


  4. Eww, ewwww, and EWWWWW

    But I shouldn’t be the one grossed up. During vet summer camp we actually stuck our whole arms up there….

    Oh, I used a glove and lots of lube.


  5. 3T: You’ll be fine. This cow is waaaay over here and won’t see the inside of restaurant for long time, if ever.

    phoenix: If the movies are to be believed, I would think that’s almost a compulsary requirment for admission.

    juliana: So if I see you wearing gloves and carrying a small tube of something, it’s probably not a good idea to shake hands.


  6. That’s plain freaky! I know you can dissolve a plastic bag that a cow has swallowed by pouring 2 litres of coke down it’s throat (what a waste of coke) – but for its poop to dissolve things? Geez!!! That’s a new one.

    We did, however, have a Doberman once with powerful gastric juices. It could swallow a bone whole and the thing would be gone. And everywhere it peed on the lawn the grass just died. Strange beast, that.


  7. That’s ok, milk is an alkali.
    Oh, and why is an actor inspecting building sites? Method training? Cow pats cheer me up, and remind me of childhood. Aaaaah the fond memories of sinking my wellies into a lightly crusted brown disk. Fllluuuuurrrrrp.


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