You’ve heard the expression “going postal”? I would have thought that “going retail” would be a more likely scenario – especially at this time of year.
Consider, if you will, the work environment of your typical sales assistant: The sound system has been spewing canned Christmas carols since October; there are annoyingly shiny things reflecting the light wherever you turn; and the store is clogged with customers who all appear to have had bargain-bin lobotomies. How is it that shop personnel are able to stand it day after day without exploding? You’d be able to replace the outer layer of the space shuttle with their stomach lining.
But there’s no time for these poor bastards to relax, even now, because in the week before New Year, ’tis the season to return (fala-lala-laah-la-lala-laah). Through some quirk of celestial mechanics (or possibly, plain stubborn stupidity), people who return gifts shortly after the solstice seem to lose all ability to read. Well, okay, maybe not all ability, but they certainly struggle with one particular phrase: “No returns without proof of purchase”