It’s just as well my wife doesn’t live in a cheesy detective story, because she left town over the weekend. For good. Bye bye Miss American Pie – well, except for the ‘miss’ part. And the ‘American’ part – and I actually haven’t a clue what the ‘pie’ is all about, but ‘bye bye’ is still appropriate, dammit!

Anyhoo.. the point is that soon-to-be-ex Mrs Kyknoord kitted herself and the sprog out in their best travelling gear and headed off to greener pastures – i.e. the bustling metropolis of Port Elizabeth*. Why there, of all places, you ask? Well, PE has several advantages over Cape Town: It’s where she grew up; it’s currently infested by my soon-to-be-ex Mother in law; and – most importantly – I am not there.

So I moved back into the flat on Saturday. She had stripped the place of most of the furniture and fittings, but she’d left just enough to make it appear utterly abandoned and desolate. When I unlocked the door for the first time in three months, I understood how it must have felt to walk onto the Marie Celeste (assuming there had been a “let’s throw all the furniture overboard” party beforehand). I managed to thrust aside the incongruous image of a lonely tumbleweed blowing across the lounge before my metaphors collapsed under their own weight.

I spent the remainder of the weekend scrubbing the floor. If she’d been a little bit more diligent in her endeavour to create the filthiest carpet in the history of time, the entire thing would have been one big stain and I wouldn’t ache all over.

* Approximately 500 miles to the east of Cape Town


21 thoughts on “Jiggity-jig

  1. And there are plenty of chairs around this week… 😉

    Wow – it must be hard to have to move back and clean up – but I suspect good for the soul – proper “wash that woman right out of the carpet” stuff..

    Would you like a picture to put on your wall? I could send you something new. It would be a gift. I’d have to get around to painting it first of course… to make sure it really was new. And then if you liked the look of it I’d send it to you, otherwise I’ll save the postage…. 😉

    I’m not entirely sure why this idea got into my head but it has and I mean it! Maybe its a random act of kindness, or whatever they are called, trying to emerge…

    Let me know.


  2. It’s strange how the selection of furniture left in a place can either make the place look sparsely furnished(acceptable) or abandoned (not so nice).

    Although PE isn’t that far away, how often will you get to see the sprog?

    And, talking of the Marie Celeste, do you remember of a ship abandoned off the coast of Moz in the early seventies? I think that it may have been called the Angoche. I don’t know if the mystery was ever solved but, at the time, there was talk of Frelimo/Russian/E German involvement.


  3. anne: Those are brilliant. Of course, the footstool alone is guaranteed to keep me single forever. Perhaps I should view it as an extreme prophylactic?

    caroline: How could I possibly pass up a kind offer like that? Thank you muchly 🙂 Drop me a line on my Gmail address (at the bottom of my blogroll) and I’ll send you my postal address.

    nomad: I will be permitted to see her one weekend every month. Whether I will be able to afford to make the trip to visit her monthly is another story. We’re still haggling over the final settlement, but whichever way you slice it, I’m going to take quite a beating financially. I can’t say I recall the ship off the east coast. Piracy on the high seas, possibly?


  4. I guess she never heard of sweeping things under the carpet. All you need now to match the footstool is a zebra-skin rug. Could’ve saved you some scrubbing too 😉


  5. jessica: Amen to that!

    terri: It would need to be a HUGE zebra-skin rug to cover the multitude of stains.

    beastarzmom: No help for it now. I’ll just have to pull out my bullet collection and start biting.

    angel: Of course 😉


  6. Sorry to hear that KN. Can’t conceive of not being able to see my lil gal. Horrible. Hope ur ok as can be under the circumstances. Did she consult with you before leaving or just vamoose?


  7. Lol at the tumbleweed. Thats hilarious. I can just picture it blowing across the living room…

    PE The Friendly City huh? Not so friendly right now.

    Mr Bachelor, on behalf of all our kind, welcome back into the world of the carefree.


  8. Time to buy paint, oodles of it – erase the past and spruce up the flat with shades of blue and green, so you can have a peaceful place to call your own. make a sprog friendly room. Make it a home where you can finally heal and move on with your life, everyone deserves a second chance, although I must say PE over CapeTown?? Is she out of her mind?? Wait scrap that question its rhetorical.


  9. sure – I’ll fight ya 🙂 You think pay per view will cover it??? Although it does depend which colours you are leaning toward and what your weapon of mass destruction is – mine is chocolate chip cookies!!!


  10. Funny you should mention tumbleweed. When I read the “desolate” bit, I actually had visions of tumbleweed rolling over a dirt road with “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” playing to it…

    Anyway, I’ll have a drink to a new start in your bachelor pad and whatever you do, don’t take any decorating tips from Anne or Terri!!!


  11. Bee: ‘Consult’ kind of implies some sort of dialogue. Her approach was more along the lines of, “I’m leaving. Have a nice life”

    Lyn: Technically I’m still married, but I take your point, so thanks 🙂

    Tammy: How many litres in an oodle?

    3T: Mirrors everywhere, you mean?

    andrea & tammy: You want to take this outside? If you get paint on the carpet, I’m going to have to kill myself.

    DelBoy: I’m thinking of going for the ‘minimalist’ look. I’m just about there already.


  12. I live in PE and have probably walked past Mrs K and the sprog in the shops. It is tough being apart from your children. Mine are almost 2000 kilometres away. Not so easy to just go for a weekend. I have a friend who lives in Cape Town and comes to PE often to visit his daughter. Maybe you guys can get together. One good thing is that you can now turn your flat into a home for yourself. Your own zone!! Good luck! Enjoy the rugby!!!


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