Skid marks

You know the expression “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Put a man on a bicycle and his brain will turn into sponge rubber”? No? Well, it’s true – trust me on this one.

On my way home from work yesterday, I saw no fewer than three cyclists narrowly avoid being converted into sticky performance art. Once could simply have been a passing event and twice could be written off to coincidence, but three times is indicative of a pattern. Is there something in the geometry of bicycles that makes stop signs translucent or causes the onset of an invincibility delusion?

Maybe it’s just the angle of the seat that overstimulates the stupidity gland.


21 thoughts on “Skid marks

  1. I see that too all the time. I often think that cyclists think they have a different set of rules for themselves. They often ride on the wrong side of the road and dont stop at stop streets.

    And I should know, I used to cycle everywhere! I broke my arm in on accident – my fault, and in another I smashed my face into another (stationary) car and got stitches in my chin and a new set of front teeth. Both times were my fault, no one elses.

    I dont know what it is about cyclists but they are very dangerous on the road.


  2. This calls for testing, of the painful kind, to find out whether or not their brains were already carrying the disease before they bought the bike, no?


  3. It’s actually much simpler; anyone who gets on a bike in the middle of a busy city has a deathwish in some form or other. That explains it all.


  4. A keen cyclist friend of mine who used to cycle in the busy city streets always told me that a cyclist needs to be aggressive to get anywhere in the city.

    Seems like they combine it with stupidity, a potent combination, the sort that many an international incident can be blamed on.


  5. Spookie: Glad to see that the stitches didn’t leave a scar.

    Elize: I’d be happy to let them have it if we had better public transport.

    anne: You may be onto something there.

    Lisa: Except the lycra. That defies explanation.

    Nomad: The alchemy of idiocy, as it were.


  6. Oh but they did – you just can’t see it in the photos – and it is quite an ugly red one, though not to big. Maybe I will put a picture of it on my blog one day…. maybe.


  7. I’m going to live up to my name and say that a majority of road-users have no brains. And I include walkers there too. I see them every day inching out onto the street, and then lookign all surprised when a car blasts a beep in their direction after swerving to avoid them.

    Course I also see the fools of drivers who think that red lights don’t apply inthe morning. As though the fact that I’m crossing the road, and that’s a green man on the walk/don’t walk sign aren’t of any importance before 8 o’clock.

    Also, you’ve been quoted


  8. I live in the boondocks, so there aren’t many cyclists around, except for the very hardcore that think 25 miles is nothing. And my only bitch with them is the shorts. Yikes.

    The Bermuda Tea-riangle? Brilliant! Cracked me up 🙂


  9. The same thing happens here in Philly – but it’s even more common to see guys on skateboards riding through the city streets.


  10. You just can’t appreciate the all-consuming nature of a spandex addiction. Plus, you get to wear a helmet that makes you look like a bug heading for a windscreen.


  11. I have been a cyclist although I’d never dare in this country.
    I wanted to write about cycling until I read Seth’s post on the Argus and realised that everything had already been said for me.


  12. I’ve often wondered why someone riding unprotected on something no more stable than a piece of bent flatware with wheels feels it is acceptable amd SENSIBLE for them to ignore all other traffic and safety signs. Honestly, sometimes they piss me off so badly that if I miss hitting them the first time, I am half tempted to go back and do it intentionally.


  13. I think they must be under think that most car drivers will give way to them because human beings are basically good and don’t want to hurt them because they have no protection from the big, bad cars.

    So… Ja, what you said about the stupidity gland..!


  14. Spookie: I see – or rather, I don’t see 🙂

    Fence: This is true. Is it any wonder that the population in ‘developed’ countries has begun to decline?

    Toryssa: I think there’s something in the Geneva Convention about the shorts. Ugh!

    JJ: At least skateboarders don’t wear those stupid shorts.

    scott: I knew there had to be a reason I keep getting these feelings of deja-vu.

    Ol’ Hoss: Aha! That actually does make sense and also explains why so many of them are grumpy.

    Flo: A very detailed tirade, indeed.

    The Phoenix: I suppose I’d feel the same way if destruction-testing my testicles.

    LiVEwiRe: I can’t wait for the ‘all-bicycle’ expansion of Carmageddon to come out.

    terri: It could also be that most people don’t really like organic hood-ornaments.


  15. I think the original adage was “A woman needs a man like a fish neds a bicycle”. Thats the only one I can think of that contains the elements you used. Mine makes about as much sense as yours.

    Oh man, comment verification! Do you really have THAT much trouble with spam?


  16. Yes, its something all cyclists seem to do.

    I think it has to do with them being neither motorists nor pedestrians. This being the case, they think none of the normal conventions or rules apply.

    Until you knock one of the buggers over, then there are lots of conventions – like suing the shit out of you, or kicking the shit out of you bodywork because you are a stupid motorist.

    My advice – get the hell out of there before they can get their feet out of the pedal clips.


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