Enlisted

One of my tasks in the company I work for is to beat my colleagues over the head – metaphorically speaking, of course* – when they fall foul of the organisation’s quality management system. Yes, extremely glamorous, I know.

The system has been updated, so I am I am busy putting together a revised audit checklist. It’s a bit like being in church, because not only is it one of the most brain-crushingly boring activities in the history of time, but it also makes me feel vaguely guilty.

I am aware of what the system requirements are in general terms, but in combing through the system documentation, I reminded of the specifics (When selling employee’s souls to the Devil, the project Leader must use standard form # 666…). However, since auditing isn’t my sole function here, I am also reminded that I’m supposed to be doing the same things my colleagues are supposed to be doing.

Hence the guilt – because I’m not.

* although there are often times when I yearn to get literal, if you catch my drift.

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14 thoughts on “Enlisted

  1. “I yearn to get literal”, huh? Adding impure thoughts to the list of your sins, I see. The road to redemption isn’t going to be a flowery path for you, I can tell.

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  2. My sister-in-law’s ‘field’ is quality management…very worthy stuff but oh-so-B.O.R.I.N.G!!!!

    She’s short and dumpy and busty and napoleonic in appearance…yes, just the right sort of person to hammer quality into reluctant employees.

    Are you also a bit like that? 🙂

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  3. anne: I’m hoping the road to heaven is paved with bad intentions.

    Nomad: I’m more like Catbert than Napoleon.

    whatalotoffun: Okay, I’m going to explain this one more time…

    Chitty: It’s a total pain in the bum. The annoying part is that it doesn’t have to be, but getting engineers to work to procedure is like herding cats.

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  4. .
    We work like a horse.
    We eat like a pig.
    We like to play chicken.
    You can get someone’s goat.
    We can be as slippery as a snake.
    We get dog tired.
    We can be as quiet as a mouse.
    We can be as quick as a cat.
    Some of us are as strong as an ox.
    People try to buffalo others.
    Some are as ugly as a toad.
    We can be as gentle as a lamb.
    Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
    Some of us drink like a fish.
    We can be as proud as a peacock.
    A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
    You can get a frog in your throat.
    We can be a lone wolf.
    But I’m having a whale of a time!

    You have a riveting web log
    and undoubtedly must have
    atypical & quiescent potential
    for your intended readership.
    May I suggest that you do
    everything in your power to
    honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
    Designer/Architect as well
    as your revering audience.
    As soon as we acknowledge
    this Supreme Designer/Architect,
    Who has erected the beauteous
    fabric of the universe, our minds
    must necessarily be ravished with
    wonder at this infinate goodness,
    wisdom and power.

    Please remember to never
    restrict anyone’s opportunities
    for ascertaining uninterrupted
    existence for their quintessence.

    There is a time for everything,
    a season for every activity
    under heaven. A time to be
    born and a time to die. A
    time to plant and a time to
    harvest. A time to kill and
    a time to heal. A time to
    tear down and a time to
    rebuild. A time to cry and
    a time to laugh. A time to
    grieve and a time to dance.
    A time to scatter stones
    and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a
    time to turn away. A time to
    search and a time to lose.
    A time to keep and a time to
    throw away. A time to tear
    and a time to mend. A time
    to be quiet and a time to
    speak up. A time to love
    and a time to hate. A time
    for war and a time for peace.

    Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
    Dr. Whoami

    P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
    that the common culture of my youth
    is gone for good. It was hollowed out
    by the rise of ethnic “identity politics,”
    then splintered beyond hope of repair
    by the emergence of the web-based
    technologies that so maximized and
    facilitated cultural choice as to make
    the broad-based offerings of the old
    mass media look bland and unchallenging
    by comparison.”

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  5. Sounds a bit like the Health & Safety course I did last week – the guilt bit I mean!

    “You should be doing this, you shouldn’t do that. Have these audits been completed weekly, have these audits been done 6 monthly, etc, etc”

    The worst bit was “you are responsible for your employees.”

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  6. guilt? is that what i feel when i picture my clients faces on the treadmill at the gym?!?! squish… squash… scrunch… squish! heehee, then i have the people waiting in the queue looking at me funny when i can’t walk for laughing!

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  7. Don’t you just hate it when you type this really long insightful comment but then you have to log in and then you realise the fountain of wise words has disappeared and you have to start typing all over again but you can never quite recapture the brilliance and pure eloquence of the initial comment? *sigh*

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  8. andrea: Rocks, spam – a rose by any other name…

    DelBoy: Those Health & Saftety courses are the worst. Most of the ones I’ve attended have been presented by private companies, so the main thrust has been “If you employ us, we’ll sort out all your problems. If you don’t, you’re DOOMED!”

    Tammy: Let me know if it works.

    angel: That would explain why laughter was the best medicine, not the best exercise.

    Lyn: Yes.

    LiVEwiRe: LOL. You can, but then they make you do it twice.

    Spookie: You be sure to tell us if you find one.

    Like

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