Posturing

Several weeks ago, I returned to an old pursuit that I haven’t followed for many years. No, I’m not talking about putting my brain to any real use – there’s time enough in the future for that. I am, in fact, referring to yoga [low-key fanfare with wind-chimes and sitar]. Now I’m sure that many would say, “Yoga? But that’s just gym for hippies” and they would be correct, but I’ve already rationalised my decision, so there’s no use trying to talk me out of it.

Besides, the class I attend is really hard to beat in terms of the sheer entertainment value. At the beginning of every class, the instructor likes to read a thought-provoking passage from his dog-eared book of inspirational musings* and pose a question for us to ponder. Generally I just nod sagely and study the carpet, but I simply couldn’t let this week’s offering slide:

“What was there before time and space existed?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand the question.”
“What was there before time and space existed?”
“Ah yes, that makes it so much clearer. Still, what I don’t quite get is how there can be a ‘before’ if time doesn’t exist? I mean, surely the concept of ‘before’ requires a time context in which to make sense?”
“Um…”
[Crickets chirping. Vaguely horrified stares of others in class]

It’s true that yoga helps to reduce stress. You can heckle the instructor and he has to smile serenely while he takes it on the chin. Try that at Virgin Active and see how far you get.

*The Deep Thoughts of Swami Somethingsmellslikefish (or some such)

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33 thoughts on “Posturing

  1. Bless your little underdoondies kyknoord. In this day and age (presently as time and space exist), everybody who’s anybody does yoga. Hell, every now and then I do too. And I’m no New Age hippie. Glad you’re giving your instructor something solid to think about though. πŸ˜‰

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  2. It’s vaguely unsettling, you know, the idea that you might unwittingly turn into a “stereotypical long-haired, vacant-eyed, sandal-wearing, deodorant-shunning type of hippy that we all know and love”…
    Although, it would take time, by the sound of it.
    But the fear, it is here…

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  3. True comment about Virgin Active but they have one advantage over yoga mats, serene music and thoughtful musings – swimming pools. Swimming is very much like yoga: stretching, serene noises and you can keep yourself entertained with your own musings.

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  4. like, dude, like before time existed, man, like, there was this, like, cosmic stuff, man.

    seriously though, it seems that most people (hippies being no exception) are unable to grasp the concept of nothingness, despite how much they have between their ears. they can’t comprehend that is there is no time and space, there isn’t anything at all.

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  5. Well at least the instructor had something to mull over in his head while doing his yoga. Something that he probably never will quite be able to understand.

    Ever thought of giving Yoga classes KN??

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  6. Peas: I’m sure the only thought he had was along the lines of, “Fuckin’ smart-aleck. Wait till we do the ‘screaming pretzel’ posture, Then we’ll see who’s clever.”

    Fence: Well, if the party line is to be believed, the purpose of yoga is to still the mind. Unfortunately, many people interpret this as the suspension of thought.

    anne: And fear is the mind killer. You may be a lot closer to hippiehood than I am.

    Katt: Well, there is a koi pond…

    dystopia: Okay, regular programming can continue now that I’ve finished cleaning the coffee off my monitor and drilled a tiny little drain hole in the bottom of my keyboard.

    Spookie: Teach yoga? Not a good idea – I’d be far too tempted to make stuff up (postures like the ‘inverted pinecone’ or ‘drain snake’ spring immediately to mind and I’m not even trying).

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  7. After a day of “meeting speak” I got home & did some blog surfing – & just had the best laugh here – I’m almost motivated to go do some yoga…

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  8. the images conjured are priceless… thanks for the laugh and keep them coming.

    just had an even more amusing thought… ‘us’ (as in blog land us… you, peas, katt, chitty, me, etc) in a class… now THAT would be enough to put the fear of god into any yoga instructor

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  9. lol! I like yoga too – the excercise part, that is. And I would be one of those who believes calming the mind means emptying it of thought. Um, ja… try living a day inside MY head and see how far you get with that!

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  10. that was funny dude! hey- does swami somethingsmellslikefish write the same stuff confuscious did? and i promise not to say anything about a man going through a revolving door naked…

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  11. Yoga scares me! I must be the most laid-back person you will ever meet, so I’m afraid that I will just doze off while doing all that relaxation stuff.

    On the other hand, I joined the local gym today. Just the pool though; not motivated enough to exercise!

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  12. I had the same thought as Andrea, but then again I would silently be wondering the same things but never asking. I would be the guy with my eyes closed or looking the other way, and then thanking you later on for asking the real questions that no one was willing to ask. I think there is a prominent place for people like you in this sometimes blind and deaf world.

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  13. Rrramone: Close, but it’s actually “Om” that you’re meant to chant three times.

    Tammy: Okay. Class fees: $20 and a picture of yourself in the nude.

    Mandy: No need. There are few things as effective at stilling the mind as meetings.

    M: Fun, but probably not practical. Once word got out that there was a class with Chitty in attendance, it would be jammed with ladies all trying to get their piece of the Bang Bang action.

    Terri: You need to attend more meetings.

    The Doll: You & me both πŸ™‚

    angel: The good Swami is a bit more verbose and a lot less pithy.

    Fence: So I’m guessing you’re not a party animal.

    DelBoy: Don’t worry, they only kick you out if you snore.

    andrea: A D? This is fantastic! I was expecting a D-minus.

    Brian the Mennonite: Prominent place? You mean like a gibbet at the crossroads?

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  14. there’s a lot to be said for those destress sessions where you picture yourself as a melting chocolate bar in a secret inner space in a garden no-one knows about to the sounds of waterfalls or whale mating calls. I was a true skeptic until just last week when i mosied out of one of those life coach sessions feeling like a jelly fish high on malawi gold (which I incidentally picked in my secret garden!)

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  15. Chitty: Then my work here is done.

    whatalotoffun: It certainly was for me! I won twenty-five bucks in the office World Cup draw.

    Brian: Definitely. Wouldn’t want to want to ruin the overall effect. I could even do the “It’s a far, far better thing…” speech.

    spoon: O-kay. When you say there’s a lot to be said, I reckon one of the things would be, “Mmmmm… chocolate”.

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  16. OH MY GAWD … was that you at the Yoga place this week?

    Hold that thought … give me um, 10 minutes … yup, about 10 … wait 15 minutes ~ gotta get the coffee … and I will post a drawing of you on my bloggy doing one of your “moves”, K?

    This drawing, as they say … picture paints a thousand words or giggles. *wink*

    Smooch,
    The Tart

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  17. ::::five minutes of laughing here::::

    Okay, okay, I give up (is this the Blissful Surrender I heard tell of in my sporadic forays into Yoga?)

    Kyknoord, may I link to you, so I’m certain NEVER to go this long without visiting again?

    I thought I was the only person to ask questions like that and get The Stare.

    Brilliant post, you guru, you.

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  18. Before time and space … It’s a bit like Wittgenstein’s
    theory that a chair is not a chair, it’s only a chair because you think it’s a chair. Then what the hell am I sitting on?

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  19. The Tart: Damn. You’ve got my number. So much for anonymity.

    Ol’ Hoss: No way to tell. What colour are carrots when they’re underground?

    The Doll: Kyknoord action figures going on sale soon.

    Lori: Ta πŸ™‚ Sporadic forays are the stuff of life and links are always welcome, as long as you’re okay with knowing that quality tends to be variable.

    Bibi: That’s easy – your behind.

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  20. one of my astronomy lecturers postulated that before the universe began, all existance was filled with jelly tots. Or it may have been liquorice allsorts. Either way, you can’t prove him wrong.

    As for the swami, he will probably argue that he was not saying ‘Um..’ because he didn’t know how to answer, he was saying ‘Ommmm….’ because, well, swamis do that from time to time.

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