This is going to be a long one, so get comfortable.
After much head-scratching and soul-searching, the judges have selected the top five entries in the Win a Date with Kyknoord competition. I promised not to divulge the intimate details of their adjudication, but some of their remarks were too priceless to keep all to myself:
“Sounds a lot like me”
“A little stiletto action is much appreciated”
“That’s either a deal maker or a deal breaker”
“…less likely to be a ‘bump’ in the road”
“I’m a sucker for the cleverly wrapped package”
“This one sounds like she is in advertising”
“…probably all a little jealous of your on-line sex appeal”And so blogfans, without further ado, I give you your five finalists:
50 Words (Probably Not Less)If you wanted to meet me you could just have asked. All this nonsense about dating..*sheesh*. Anyway, I don’t date, but I’m always up for an adventure (and something to blog about besides how much I hate Ster-Kinekor). So I’ve checked out the menus at the restaurants (because I’m a vegetarian – I wasn’t looking at prices or quality or anything…) to see if it’s worth the effort.
I think it is.
Oh, wait. I was supposed to explain why you should pick me, not why I should pick you (as if I receive many offers*).
Reasons: I am witty (therefore I may catch some of your jokes) and geeky (not really a plus, but I can’t help it) and most of my friends are in London so my evenings are usually free.
Oh crap. I’m over the word limit. I guess I’m disqualified.
*Pretend I didn’t accidentally say that, otherwise you may think there’s something wrong with me.**
—ends…(right before the bit where I said “—ends…”)
Why would you want one when you could have two? Buy now and you’ll get an extra one free! [Name of partner-in-crime removed] and I are offering ourselves up as a double-act. Pick us and you will have two adoring, exceptionally good looking if somewhat ‘mature’ fans for the price of one.
Right. So why I think I would be suited for this dubious honour? Simple really. I’ll enjoy every bite of my meal, only pausing to engage you with my endless wit and intellectual prowess. I’ll even flash you a smile, because, I really do enjoy smiling. And offer to buy the wine, because I’m an accomodating sort of bird that enjoys, well, sharing wine. Then I’ll listen carefully to your life stories and experiences, and probably laugh at all your jokes. I’ll wear high heels to dinner, because they make my calf muscles look pretty, and I’ll take extra special care not to tuck my skirt into my doondies on leaving the ladies room.
I’ll chew with my mouth closed.
If there’s a piano in the restaurant – on that rare but coincidental chance – I’ll play you a Beethoven sonata, restaurant staff permitting. I won’t get pissed off or sensitive-hormonal if you never want to see me again, although this is extremely unlikely. (This is a PR push afterall.) I am frank, so for instance if you ask me whether there is spinach in between your chompers, or if I enjoy the Jenny Chrys-Williams show, I’ll tell you the truth. Albeit diplomatically. You know who to choose. And if you don’t, pick me! Pick me! (This isn’t begging, this is enthusiastic punting.)
Yours in entrees,
In flagrant disregard of Rule # 9, I, a person from the Midwestern region of the United States, with no plans to travel to the Cape, am entering the contest because:
- You’re a slack bastard- what do you care if I break rule # 9?
- You’re a slack bastard whose auditor has to discuss performance improvement with you, so you’ve probably got a salary that reflects such winning traits~ therefore, a date with me, the no-show from the Midwest, would insure you a much lower dinner tab than otherwise. Hey, you could even go to McDonald’s and just SAY you went to a swanky joint!
- I’ve never dated a Kyk. Sounds informative.
- I’d let you wear the bag if you want to wear the bag. What do I care? I’m a slack bastard, too.
- But no begging. And no crying.
Love from the States,
Absolute Shoe-In Jones
Here’s my entry (attached – and entirely safe for work, I swear).
Yes, it’s more than 50 words. No, I’ve never been very good at sticking to the rules. Or making convincing arguments, as will soon be apparent. In fact, I’m not sure how this qualifies as an entry at all, exactly – but it sure beat the hell out of working on the proposal doc that I should have completed yesterday (and didn’t) – which is already a good enough result for me. 😉 Use it, don’t use it.I hope the selection process – and the final outcome – is a blast. I’m beginning to wish I’d shut up and used the idea myself…
So there you have it. Voting opens immediately and will close on Monday the 24th of July at 12 noon CAT. All welcome. There will be a cash bar.