Perspective

Now that the excitement of the competition has tapered off a bit, regular programming may resume. Ahahahaha “regular” geddit? Don’t worry, you will. I was rooting around in my desk drawer this morning to try and find a calculation sheet that seems to have done a runner since last Friday when I discovered an unexpected bounty in the form of a chocolate biscuit (that’s ‘cookie’ in Nortamericano).

What was a chocolate biscuit doing* there, you ask? Allow me to elucidate: very so often we get biscuits with our tea at work and there are times when I will save one – in my desk – for later. I’m not exactly sure when ‘earlier’ was for this particular biscuit, but everyone knows that dunking something in coffee kills all known microbes that may have taken up residence on it. This I proceeded to do when the phone rang. It was one of my colleagues calling from home.

“Yes, what is it? I’m in the middle of something here” (technically true)
“Reception said the boss isn’t there. I’m taking a day sick leave”
“Okay. Hope you feel better soon – ”
“I have gastro”
“Fine. I really didn’t need to know – ”
“I’ve been on the toilet since 4 a.m. and…”

I was subsequently treated to a brief, but horrifyingly detailed description of his symptoms, including (but not limited to) consistency; textures; and relative liquid content. All the while, I stared glumly at the now thoroughly unappetising confection slowly disintegrating in my hand. Bleuargh!!**

Anyone fancy a slightly soggy chocolate biscuit?

* Not much, obviously
** Many thanks to Anne for this truly beautiful word

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42 thoughts on “Perspective

  1. Hey my first comment from ‘my old-home-side of the mountain!!

    Wrap up the biscuit and send it to him, perhaps it will help solidify his problem. Charming co-workers you have, must say.

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  2. Should be my first comment ON.. blah! Gotta stop thinking in German when writing English.. sigh (and this makes it the second, but who’s counting anyway)

    Well anyway, also wanted to add my congrats to both Peas and you, KN; this date has great blogging, chatting, writing potential. Hope she gets down south (north? haha) soon.

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  3. Which in turn poses the question: “Why do laxatives always taste like chocolate?” Let me guess! Now you REALLY don’t feel like that biscuit.

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  4. It’s a wonder you’re still in the office after that phone call. Surely there are instances where gastro can be caught from “pure” voice contact.

    (you mean I made it up??)

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  5. SwissTwist: You’re terrible, Muriel!

    spoon: My sympathies. Was his name Marius, by any chance?

    Katt: I’m saving it for you, now.

    M: Just another public service we offer here.

    anne: Hmm… this guy does give the shits.

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  6. Ok, well, not to be dismissive of your post (although*…), but who said the excitement of the competition had tapered off? I’m still excited.

    (Maybe that’s just me and swisstwist, though…)

    *I was actually about to eat my lunch. Thanks, by the way.

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  7. Ooo I hate that. It’s like colleagues who think you are actually interested in the icky details of their sex lives (shudder) – I have even been “treated” to pictures on one ocaasion at which point I fled.

    I hope you get a fresh biscuit soon that you can enjoy in peace.
    (regular – I geddit!!!)

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  8. I’m much more shocked and disgusted that anyone in their right mind could forget to eat a chocolate biscuit and then find it later. Are you *insane* man?

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  9. As a microbiologist, nothing can put me off my food. We sit at lunch and muse over how the sauce my colleague’s mushroom burger looks like abscess pus.
    She’s pretty tough too – she may retch, but everything still stays down. A true Fear Factor candidate.

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  10. Mandy J Watson: Happy to oblige, as always.

    Spooksuster: Oddly enough, I feel better after reading that.

    Peas: Excellent. I promise to do the same.

    andrea: Well, you’re the artist – I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

    Flo: Ick. Maybe it’s time you found a new place to eat.

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  11. Beautiful imagery.MMMMM.
    I suddenly had a Monty Pythonesque vision of your workplace when you mentioned ‘tea time’ bisquits. I was trying to picture you in a little pithe hat surrounded by a mosquito net staring at a schematic with one pinky thrust forward.

    Good Lord Kyk your biscuit has dissolved!

    I say, it rather looks like dysentery.

    Oh Charles don’t be so bloody ridiculous.

    I dare say that it does resemble that bad case of the trots that I incurred whilst serving in Peking…

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  12. Quit trying to change the subject.

    You’re just trying to gross us all out so we forget about the Date Kyknoord contest.

    Maybe you and Peas on Toast plan to dip a few biscuits into coffee, hmmm? Hmmmm?

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  13. Spookie: Not really, the boss still wants that report finished by the end of the day.

    homo escapeons: I like it! An elephant gun would do wonders for morale here. Mine, mainly.

    angel: Of course there are. “Bleuargh” being one of them. “Defenstration” is another. Okay, perhaps it isn’t specifically applicable here, but it’s still a cool word.

    3T: Probably the guilt thing, but the outcome was pretty much the same either way.

    kan: No, no, no. All together now: Bleuargh!!!

    WW: I’ll stop changing the subject when you stop changing your avatar and for that last comment, I’m wrapping up the remains of my biscuit and sending it to you now.

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  14. Excuse me? Who taught you that word* in the first place? How dare you use it beore I’ve had a chance to use it in my blog!

    I’m keeping the rest of the cool words to myself.

    ::angrily mumbles to herself as she walks off into the distance::

    *”defenestration”, for the third-party readers

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  15. I’ll have that biscuit thanks. It takes a lot more than that to put me off my food.
    btw I’m still unable to get to Flickr… why do you have a map of South America in your sidebar there by the fancy blinky-things?

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  16. @kyk: Actually, I save that for special occasions. The word, really, that comes to mind right now is “disembowel”.

    (And I know you know what that means*.)

    *Although it’s probably not what you’re thinking.**

    **Or maybe it is. I dunno. I’m having too many diverging concurrent thoughts right now.

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  17. Terri: Sorry, I’ve already promised it to WithinWithout, but I’ll scratch around and see if I can find any other elderly food in my office. Regarding the map, I’m afraid you’ve lost me.

    TwoFlower: If truth be told, I decided to defenestrate the damned thing.

    Perspective Inc. How many times do I have to say this? It’s bleuargh!!!

    Mandy J Watson For you, I die with honour! Disembowellment will have to wait until this evening, though. I have left my short sword on the drying rack next to the sink and I don’t think an olive branch is up to the task.

    moonflake: Hmmm… maybe I should move the disclaimer to the top of the page.

    chitty: One of the fundamentals of life is that it can always be worse. As for my colleague, I think I’ll just indulge in a little recreational defenestration when he recovers.

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  18. @kyk: The olive branch was not for you. It’s moonflake’s olive branch. You’ll have to borrow it and then offer it back to her, since we’re both prancing on the vomitous line right now (I blame you, because I don’t talk about such things in my blog).

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  19. mandy: Ah, but you don’t need to talk about these things, because you are independently famous, whereas my fifteen minutes starts and ends right here.

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  20. Wait a minute! I was promised the cookie right at the beginning of this episode! Kyk, you are going to have to buy a packet of fresh Romany Creams and send us each one (preferably not soggy)!

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  21. Mandy: But of course.

    Katt: Consider it done. I’ll just put the box here in my desk drawer wher I can remember it…

    The Tart: I think you mean “… double bleuargh!!” *fit of giggles*. I would also like clarify that I am most emphatically not the sodding Cookie Monster, so stop e-mailing me, people.

    WW: Insolence? That’s my third-from-last name. Glad you liked the cookie. It wasn’t from me, BTW. Mwahahahahahah!

    Dolce: That’s not a road you want to take –

    Mandy: Nuts! Too late.

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  22. I’m just thinking that maybe your colleague didn’t save his cookie as long as you did, ate it and that gave him the s…s?? Maybe he saved you from a horrible case of the runs by calling when he did. Me thinks the tea lady has it in for you…..

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