Civil engineering

The topic of last night’s divorce recovery get-together was ‘Reconciliation’. Most of the attendees just shook their heads and smirked to themselves – as if to say, “Yeah, right! Like that’s going to happen”, before settling in for a quiet doze. Although the general attitude in the room was one of indulgent cynicism, I could tell from a few stiffened spines and pinched expressions that the idea didn’t go over at all well for some.

I would go so far as to say that the concept of reconciliation was a complete non-starter for members of the Castration Advocacy Group. This elite collective comprises several women who have been the victims of infidelity and have made the journey from Matrimony to Acrimony in one easy step. I think I remind one of the ringleaders of her husband, because she keeps giving me viciously pointed glances – liberally clad with sharpened surgical steel [shudder].

The main thrust (poor choice of words, I know) of the workshop was that you should at least make the attempt to reach some kind of reconciliation with your ex spouse, as opposed to complete avoidance: Level One requires you to give a three-second warning before opening fire; Level Two involves shouted insults, but no actual bloodshed; and so forth – right up to Level Ten, which is essentially the New! Improved! version of your marriage.

The incentive video they showed us was a bit counter-productive, because we were treated to a relentless procession of astonishingly hideous redneck couples all declaiming, “Ahr lurve’s strahnger’n evah! Ain’t thaht raht, shugah?”, while pawing each other intimately. Yick. I think I need to wash my brain out with soap.


25 thoughts on “Civil engineering

  1. I think that most of the members – specially the lady with the sharpened glares could quite easily have opted for bloodshed after the insults…LOL!!
    And why is it always the rednecks on these types of videos, can no-one find “normal” people to feature in these things???


  2. Kyk… why do you put yourself through this tourture week after week after week. Are you actually getting anything of value out of it, or are you just a masochist at heart 🙂


  3. You know what they say, hate is the shortcut to love* – or something. That woman wants you. She wants you bad.

    *and vice versa, sometimes, yes.


  4. Spookie: Rednecks work cheap.

    M & DelBoy: The major benefit is that you come to realise that there are things far, far worse than divorce.

    anne: Don’t say that! Just when I’d got my paranoia under control. Damn.

    Chitty: I think the main reason they’re so keen on reconciliation is to try and keep embittered, resentful people from clogging up the dating scene.


  5. um… kyk? why do u keep going to these meetings? sounds like torture to me… haha maybe ur like a sucker for pain… and u just dont know it, but the freaky lady with the dagger eyes has some serious issues maybe she needs some… help her out kyk…


  6. I think I lost the plot here. How can a point be illustrated with videos of Jerry Springer show reruns? If I was you I would ask for my money back if there was money involved.


  7. What a novel approach using ‘snake handlin-moonshine swillin-inbred married to thar cousin-yokels’ as role models.
    Yee Haw! Ahm agittin’ me sum wreckonsillyatin!

    Not that thars anythin’ awrong with that!


  8. Incredibly funny, Kyk, but probably not so funny for you inside.

    Others have asked why you go to these things. As a fellow divorcee of some six years, I sympathize.

    Not to diminish the humor of your post, but divorce is devastating, and maybe some don’t get that.

    Anything you can do to understand it more, learn to feel its major effects on your life, is good.

    I’m sure you’re going because you think it’s worthwhile. I commend you for suffering through it.

    I don’t think it can do you harm in the long run, only help, even if you end up laughing it off.

    Good onja, Kyk. And got ur Flickr link. I’ll check it out. Thx man.


  9. To my horror, I realise that I’m actually at Level 1 of reconciliation with my ex: “Git off mah land, Shugah!”

    That will make a nice welcome mat for my new place.


  10. Interesting to me to see the word ‘redneck’ used by SA’s IN SA. I’ve been gone for 13 years – what did we call rednecks in SA before we started watching Jerry Jerry Jerry … not to make light of what you are talking about. Divorce is brutal – it damages everyone who is involved in the process. You gotta take active steps to heal.


  11. *giggling* I hate to say this, although the linking to this post is small, but it seems the media always looks for the strangest and the weirdest of people to feature.

    Watch the news when they interview people about different happenings like a murder or something. They find the one person in all the people standing around an incident, who has no teeth, and who’s vocabulary is more than a little questionable, and they interview them and stick them close-up on TV!

    So now the “self-help” videos are doing the same thing.

    Good for you staying for the whole session. I’m afraid I would have fallen apart in a fit of giggles.



  12. Shortypam: Are you insane? It’s amazing how quickly everyone’s forgotten about Loreena Bobbit.

    Katt: You had to be there, Katt. It loses something in the translation.

    homo escapeons: Bumper-sticker ideas: “Yee Haw! Ahm agittin’ me sum wreckonsillyatin!”

    Within Without: Thanks 🙂 For me, divorce is a bit like having my guts continually ripped out of my chest cavity. I can either whine about it or I can make sport of it.

    Andrew: Excellent news, dude. You’re well on the way to healing the rift. I’ll give you a doormat with “Yee Haw! Ahm agittin’ me sum wreckonsillyatin!” on it for a house-warming present.

    Dawn: The world would be a colder place without Jerry Jerry Jerry.

    Luke: You missed out! They have these things all the time, so there’s still a chance. Believe me, it’s worth it for the entetainment value alone. Just make sure you avoid the session about reconcilliation.

    Ol’ Hoss: You feel like selling T-shirts?

    3T: It’s deliberate, of course.


  13. hey- its us embittered resentful people that make sure there even is a dating scene dude… albeit a shitty one (if you ask me)!
    as for “wreckonsillyatin”… that’s a bigger crock ‘o sardines than the dating scene!


  14. I guess that sometimes it just helps to feel as though you are doing something constructive – however tortuous – to try and make sense of the whole sorry mess, instead of staring at the living room wall and waiting for the wounds to scab over. And there’s nothing like a spot of group therapy / a weekly status meeting to put things into perspective – it’s almost a given that there’s going to be someone weirder and less equipped to deal with things than you are.



  15. angel: Sardines? Sounds very fishy to me.

    The Tart: You left out a term: Rednecks=[SUM(SA:Texas)-Normal_people]

    barbedwire: Well put. Actually – extremely well put. Context and perspective are always preferable to wall-staring (even if you have a really fascinating wall).

    alex: Far be it from me to look a comment horse in the mouth, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re just saying that.


  16. kyk, you have me giggling very loudly now…I needed that. I think I should get into one of these groups just to have a laugh once a week.
    That’s why you’re doing it, right?


  17. Hilarious post. 🙂 True story: ex-wife and I didn’t speak, write or have any interaction for 5 yrs after we divorced. Then, an errant email, we met and talked for 4 hours, said apologies and now are good friends. I woulda never thunk it.


  18. Well for what its worth, 7 years ago I felt as though I would have gladly driven the steam roller over my ex and his “stukkie”. I attended quite a few courses and I discovered that holding onto the hurt and hatred was doing me more harm than him…then God intervened in my life and instead of ending it – it began over. I have just taken one day at a time since then. If attending a course gives you time to process things – then do it. Life always offers a choice, you can hang onto the bitterness and poison your soul or rise above it – the choice is yours.


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