Minister of Culture

Owing to the overwhelming interest in the Church of Cayennetology, I believe that we may just have a new cult on our hands. Spread the Word, brothers and sisters! As a reward for your faith, you may place the Official Cayennetology Blinky (and who doesn’t love blinkies?) on your site. The necessary code can be found here.

Of course, there are still few tiny details to iron out, such as the heavily-defended compound out in the sticks, adequate supplies of Kool-Aid and so forth. It would also appear that I am going to have to start working on my Holy Text. Essentially, all I require is a basic set of rules. However, a simple list of ‘Thou Shalt Nots’ on a pamphlet isn’t terribly impressive, so they’ll need to be buried somewhere in a suitably verbose and vaguely self-contradictory kludge of pretentious prose and pseudo-philosophical rhetoric.

Hmm… now where the hell did I put that damned manuscript for my novel?

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31 thoughts on “Minister of Culture

  1. yeah… i’m all for the sex and the drugs, but i’m not so sure about the classical music. I think instead of joining i’ll maintain my position of official skeptic πŸ™‚

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  2. LMAO!
    OK, although I enjoy a little Vivaldi on occasion, I’m thinking you’re going to need to pepper that with a little 60’s thru 80’s music, for morale. All classical, all the time, well it’s a little too elevator-ish, and may effect morale to the point of losing members. (I’m glad moonflake pointed out the classical music, my old eyes were not catching that last word of the blinky)

    And I’d like to request a job that won’t mess up my manicure. (If I can make requests.)

    Also, us women over 40, shouldn’t have to be naked, this is truly for the benefit of the whole cult. Sometimes a little clothes, and an uplifting bra are necessary.;-) (I’m just sayin)

    3T
    PS. I CAN make a special brownie recipe, that is sure to please the masses. πŸ˜‰

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  3. moonflake: Probably a wise decision, otherwise people might talk. Incidentally, what do you reckon my chances are of getting UB313 named after me?

    dolce: Thangyuh… thangyuh verr’mush.

    3T: Hey, that’s your interpretation of “Classical”, not mine. I’m all for “upliftment” of the faithful, so I’ll make you Director of Support.

    Katt: YOU HAVE A WHAT? A HANGOVER? THAT’S TERRIBLE! YOU POOR THING!!!

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  4. Blinkety badge added… I am now an official follower of KN-tology (although I also request some good ol’ rock music be added to the clasical-60’s-retro playlist)

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  5. Kyk-y-o-wise-one …

    Peas send me twicked binky, honey bunniez.
    Jus send you lillul note bout my needs.
    Too mucha frosting intakes today …. sugar ruuuuuuushhhh!

    Frostin kissy,
    Tart-age

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  6. M: I still need a Director of Music…

    andrea: How about a Gmail invitation? That seems fair.

    Robert: At least you can afford a better class of misery.

    The Tart: Keep an eye on your inbox and put down those cupcakes.

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  7. um, dude- you said i couldn’t be a cayennetologist because i can’t pay my dues…
    so… may an aspiring cayennetologist still place the blinky on their page, or is that only for initiates?

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  8. Dude, are you doing this just so that you can get a new car? (http://www.porsche.com/usa/models/cayenne/)

    Of course, if your inner circle of devotees also get one of these, I will gladly volunteer to help you with the sacred script. Or even a sacred Web site as per Moonflake’s specification. I’ll take the Cayenne S Titanium Edition, thanks.

    PS: Sorry about all the edits. This thing kept eating my HTML. It says it takes anchor tags but it doesn’t, so what I wrote made no sense. See? I CAN do the Cayennetology Web site!

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  9. Hold on a sec’. Nowhere in this post is there a mention of classical music. Either everyone has been brainwashed already or they are using initiative to refer to it from their…
    Oh. I’ve just seen the button.

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  10. angel: Aspire away. You will be welcomed with open arms as soon as we can get the money thing sorted out. With regard to placing the blinky and making it blink – consider it a test of faith.

    Andrew: Blogger does that from time to time. Staff cars for the inner circle is a great idea! You can be Director of Traffic.

    DelBoy: I’ll instruct the Director of Catering to get hold of you. Do you have any Kool-Aid?

    anne: Moments of Enlightenment are fun, aren’t they?

    Sugar Rush Tart: It’s probably all the wolves out there that want to eat you up. You need to keep an eye out for them.

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  11. I’ll put the blinky, but you’ll get no money from me. Alas I have none to give. I’ve only made $1800 this year and I’ve already spent all that.

    But as far as cults go… I’m in.

    I’ll even host a couple of classical music mp3s on my website if you’d like. Then you can link to then on your blog.

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  12. Del honey … we could use a helpin hand behind the Kool-Aid stand, but we are runnin low on the sugar too. ShortyPam’s fruit fairies have been makin rum balls 24/7, sheesh!

    Now I live in fear that Oh-wise-one-Kyk is gonna go flippin mad cuz there won’t be enough sugar for the Kool-Aid! Yikes … budget cuts = all those knickers will have to be put on back order ~ the cute ones with the Pink Poodles that were to be handed out at the orientation.
    ; (

    So could ya fetch us some sugar, sugar?
    Smooch,
    The Tart
    ; *

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  13. yay!!! i can get my own blinky… hurry up with those scripts kyk, i cant wait ill be the first to give u all my possessions and strip down to my birthday suit and frolic around like a delerioushungry badger…

    ps the fruit faireis are gonna have to accompany me on this journey unfort… cant seem to get rid of the buggers.

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  14. Kyk Methinks you should post up your suitably verbose and vaguely self-contradictory kludge of pretentious prose and pseudo-philosophical rhetoric herein, so the brainwashing can begin!

    Excellent, excellent!

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  15. Bryan: Don’t worry, it’s never too late to give me all your money. I’ll wait.

    M: Excellent. Would you mind standing in as Deputy Director of Bacon and Banana Toasted Sandwiches, too?

    The Tart: You know, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard the “fruit fairies have been making rum balls” excuse…

    Jam: Where do I even start?

    Shortypam: Maybe I should just go for the Beta-release and fill in the rest later. Can’t keep naked people waiting unnecessarily.

    Peas: Actually, I lied about that bit (don’t be shocked, but we cult leaders do that, you know). It was just too good a joke not to use.

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  16. Cults are a great.
    Here you have a guaranteed source of self rewarding entertainment and an unbeatable guaranteed income. You can screw with people (body, mind and soul) and its all TAX FREE!

    “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the * public”
    H. L. Mencken

    I took out *American because the ‘rest of the world’ has been working so hard to catch up.
    Carpe D-umb!

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