A random stroll through blogland recently revealed whole lot of ‘men are all bastards*’ or ‘all men are bastards’ (take your pick) femblog entries.

I felt vaguely insulted to be tarred with the same brush of bastardy as a whole lot of anonymous Johnny Done-Me-Wrongs, what with me being a man** and all. “How sexist!” I thought, while I glanced around to where my high horse was busily cropping the verdant turf of self-righteous rhetoric. However, it soon occurred to me that the shoe does tend to fit rather comfortably – in my case, at least. I’ve done more than my fair share of bastarding in the past and I’m pretty sure that
(a) I’m not alone in this; and
(b) I probably haven’t got it all out of my system yet.

Consider also the plethora of prose devoted to the cause of exposing the flawed nature of the human male – this is surely not just some quirky coincidence. Could it possibly be that when you really get down to it, all men ARE bastards to a greater or lesser degree?

On the other hand, maybe the women who know men of the non-bastard variety are too busy being content to find the time to write about it.

* Of course I am referring to “bastard” in the in the derogatory, or “bounder and a cad towards women” sense of the word, rather than “someone with unmarried parents”.

** Technically. Male, at any rate.


39 thoughts on “Mendacity

  1. Even the sweetest, most angelic woman on the planet can turn into the most evil kind of bitch. Flyboy found this out when his wife decided to divorce him.

    Surely it’s a case of we all of it in us, the question is whether we give in to it or not. All men have bastard urges, just as all women have bitch urges. Do you submit to those urges or don’t you?


  2. We all seem to be on similar thought patterns… I think you are right though in that woman who have the ‘good’ ones either don’t know they do, or simply don’t write about it.


  3. I wonder what the male equivalent is of a “femblog”. I’d rather like it to be a MANblog. Argh! [beats chest] Men should write about tanks and sports and stuff.

    Now get to the kitchen and make me some pie!


  4. Well, dear Kyknoord, this week we got proof from you that even YOU are a “b.”: All Monday I was worried that you had died in an accident or where seriously ill!
    How can you do this to any of your blog friends??? I did not get my dose of Kyknoord on Monday; therefore the week started extremely bad for me. – Okay: women might be creatures of habit, looking out for K. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
    Thanks for being back anyway!


  5. Some men are bastards. Through and through. Many men who get termed bastards, though, were just acting normally. The girls terming them bastards often are just hiding from the girls’ own shame at fooling themselves about situations.

    But then, maybe I am just too content in being single, and that I like seeing people as well-intentioned but not perfect.

    (Desperately trying to think back to whether I have termed any guy a bastard on my blog as of late…!)


  6. is it maybe that all men are bastards becuase the women just can’t seem to get what they want?

    Maybe it should be clarified… What exactly do women want of us???




  7. Not all men are bastards, not all women are bitches. Generalisation exists to make things simpler for us (simple) humans to understand.
    Then again, there were some of those exes of mine…


  8. I’ve been called a bastard on many occasions, and in most instances I had no idea how this conclusion was reached.
    The problem with generalisations is that one always claims to speak on behalf of a majority. It does however take only 51% to reach a majority, which leaves a whopping 49% who do not necessarily agree.


  9. What about Slack Bastards – do they count? I definitely know a few of those. I do think it’s a little unfair to burden men with the responsibility of being utter heels without offering some assistance, though. And, seeing as I spent most of the night working on a presentation while my colleagues were tucked up in bed, I think it’s only right that I step up and claim the title of Tetchy-and-Prone-to-Snarling Bastard (I see Stupid Bastard has already been taken), and I’ve pencilled in some light cadding and boundering for the afternoon.

    Sheez, I feel better already.


  10. Not all men are bastards – I know some real gems – but the woman who are lucky enough to have them in their lives keep it well hidden from other women in case they try and muscle in and get a piece of the action….which wouldn’t work anyway if he’s not a bastard!

    I also know some real bastards.


  11. hey!!! i love men cos they have something that a sex toy can never replace… that feeling of “safety” when a man has his arms around u… in a good way, but some women sometimes become so disillusoned and jaded when their relationships go bad, the only thing they feel they can do is blame it on men in general, they vent their anger at all men, instead of that one man, sadly men earn a very dubious reputation because of this.


  12. You know Kyk, I was thinking the same thing the other night. Profoundly thinking, that is.

    I know all my ex’s are bastards, right. Some more than others, but bastards neverthless. But does that necessarily mean that ALL men are?

    I wasn’t in a particular bad mood when I considered this possibility, however, I was drinking alcohol. And I did come to the conclusion that men are al bastards, sadly.

    But before you shout at me, it’s not necessarily terrible. Just how like Shortypam sings the praises of being a bitch, I think although men can be bastards, they can be nice too. When they want to be. And I suppose women can be bastards too. It’s how it’s channelled and handled is the answer to bastardry.

    Do I make sense? I do I speak like a true bastard?


  13. This is better than paid for therapy ~ wow! I am not sure about ‘bastarts’ as a label, maybe ‘clueless’ sometimes. But who am I to say … ya know. Hmmm, well … yup, maybe a couple are honest-to-goodness bastards. ; /

    All this B talk requires me to go dig into some chocolate ice cream, ASAP!

    Chocolate kisses,
    The Tart
    ; *

    Ps. Some how this post & the comments made me feel better, go figure?


  14. Bastardization and bitchiness are just the unfortunate evolution of what used to be beauty and promise.

    Men who are bastards now were bodacious then to the females they attracted.

    Women who are bitches now were once the most beautiful beings on the planet.

    In a couples world, things change. There are dumpers and dumpees. There are womanizers and two-timers and cheats — and there are loves lost just for no reason other than because.

    People lash out at the ones they loved before because those same people they loved before don’t love them now.

    That’s the way the world goes round.

    You can’t quantify or qualify all men or all women as one thing because they go back and forth between.

    I’m a prick now because I broke off that relationship, but I’m a hunk tomorrow to that new woman I’ve captivated with my sensitivity.

    I’m just sayin’…


  15. It is all about the DNA!

    We bastards are exactly as Mother Nature intended us to be.
    We are cursed with dragging an enormous 70 year supply of sperm around with us because females can hide their actual duration of fertility and so we have to play the odds…

    Not only that, most of our sperm is designed to block and kill sperm from other males that was/is/and may follow ours into the tunnel of love!

    Our Primate relatives offer another clue..Gorillas have tiny balls because a single male has a harem…Chimpanzees have ginormous sacks because they have to inseminate everything that moves..and we bastards are baggin’ it somewhere in the middle.

    Therefore it stands to reason that if you don’t have a harem you have to be sneaky bastard who trys to inseminate almost everything that moves..and who the hell can afford a harem with our Taxation guidelines?


  16. other-duke: that’s just because you want a bunch of women parading around your building *nudge nudge, wink wink*.
    (stirring? me? what… never.)

    as for bastardization of men: pfft. whatever. if it helps you to get through your day then do it. just don’t expect any men to be nice to you after you call them a bastard.

    ppl all suck at some time or another. if you’re lucky you can get them to suck at the right times.

    the whole men v women thing is just plain silly. i’m sure there are some freudian roots in the conflict somewhere… but i couldn’t be arsed to figure them out 🙂


  17. ” I glanced around to where my high horse was busily cropping the verdant turf of self-righteous rhetoric” … oh I just love that line.
    Not ALL men are bastards, just the bastards – they know who they are too.


  18. I’ve met equal amounts of bastards and non-bastards in my life, but currently the non-bastards have just pushed ahead in the race (i think it may have something to do with high school being a half decade behind me). I appreciate the good guys so much more because of the bad guys, but it is kind of sad that I am pleasantly surprised when I meet an attractive non-bastard. Know what i mean?


  19. It’s not easy being a man, you know. Take this morning, for example: I had to get out of bed, ..and there were other challenges. But you’ve hit the nail on the head. We get a bad rap in any female press.

    Ask women what they want and it’s always some err I want a physical psychicical emotional beautiful thing like rolling hills where green grass grows and we can all raise children. Men are better at saying things like “eerrr… tits and ass awaaaaayy!… and if you go past the store won’t you get me a pie?”

    But that aside there’s as much pressure from the MALE media, where it’s all gung ho success and wealth and drive and big watches and fast cars and ironed suits on yachts.

    I think, considering the fact that we’re genetically programmed to get an erection every time something with anything resembling two X chromosomes throws a brick at us, we’re doing pretty well at overcoming our obstacles. It was hard enough typing that without getting distracted by 48 of my own little jumpy movements.


  20. Sjoe, it’s all been said. But in the interest of debate, I reckon it’s only about communication. Woman says: I’m not really looking for a serious relationship
    Woman means: I’m sussing you out, then I’ll want to marry you and have your babies
    Man hears: I’m up for lots of lovely shagging, and I don’t expect you to take out the garbage

    A MASSIVE generalisation…but I just think we aren’t really, genuinely honest with each other…and we don’t really open ourselves to hear what we’re saying…which makes for lots of bitchy bastardliness!

    So endeth the Gender Debate according to Dolce (who, today, thinks all men are bastards, but tomorrow will think they are lovely again)…


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