Let no man put asunder

I have a friend who occupies a senior position in a large company. His job requires him to practise the ‘seagull’ style of management at various branches around the country – i.e. fly in, scare everybody witless by crapping on them from a dizzy height and then fly out again, leaving a massive clean-up operation in his wake. Not my idea of fun, but he seems to manage it with flair.

Mr Seagull seemingly has it all: a successful career; a modern house in a fashionable neighbourhood; a giant idiotmobile in the garage; and swimming pool full of grass cuttings from the enormous lawn. There is only one large, disease-ridden fly in this otherwise idyllic ointment: his marriage. What began as a perfect Mills and Boon romance has degenerated into a bitter soap opera of resentment, regret and recrimination. It’s quite bizarre seeing the same two people who simply couldn’t bear to be apart from one another transform into two people who simply can’t bear one another.

The wheel turns inexorably, doesn’t it? One more check box I can tick off on the great clipboard of mortality. I’m long past the point where I’m congratulating my friends on their nuptials. Now I’ve reached the stage I’m commiserating with them over their divorces.

I grow old.


27 thoughts on “Let no man put asunder

  1. I knew there was a reason for why I sit at weddings and tell myself “I give it x number of years.”

    I was right. Happily ever after is a myth! *stomp*

    Can’t we all go live in a fairytale?


  2. These days I attend weddings with a fast car and at least 2 ZARK in my pocket. That way, if either beloved decides to make a last-minute run for it, someone is there to take them to the airport and buy them a ticket…


  3. katt: Such cynicism! Never expected that from you. BTW, I’m sure Salman is open to negotiation.

    shortypam: I look younger on the internet.

    salman: I must remember to mug you before the ceremony then.

    anne: Yes, I know. It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?

    alan: Irony is built into the very fabric of the universe.


  4. jam: Me neither. I got all of their previous CDs, but latest one sucks dust.

    Peas: You might want to re-think your strategy, sweet Peas. Chips are for eating.

    luke: It’s my party and I’ll whine if I want to.


  5. Salman: hehe, i read that as a single word, ‘zark’. Some sort of ray gun, perhaps?

    KN: you’re only getting old when you stop congratulating friends on their weddings/ commiserating on their divorces, and start attending their funerals. Chin up, mate.


  6. Hey — at least your friends are charismatic enough to make it to the altar in the first place. If mine actually make it they soon wise up because none of them actually has any kids…

    Now *that’s* cynicism.


  7. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the heck happened”.
    Inside every marriage at least one person is left wondering exactly the same thing.


  8. geena: I’m impressed. With faith like that, you could start your very own mountain-moving construction company πŸ™‚

    moonflake: I’m hoping I can beat most of them to the punch.

    salman: True, but how many of them are planning to run up a drinks tab to the tune of ZAR2K?

    andrea: I think you might be confusing charisma with poor judgement. Now who’s cynical?

    cheap tart: Hope springs eternal. Boing boing boing πŸ˜‰ I can’t quite fathom why WordPress hates you, but hopefully we’ve got the issue sorted now.

    angel: It all balances out in the end. May careers suffer for relationships…

    chitty: And for each of them, there’s someone whose mind has simply wandered.


  9. Phew. For a moment there I thought I’d entered the twilight zone. After coming across some lovely Japanese prose at your last known address, I did some furious googling and eventually found the new Kyk. Don’t do that again dammit! Teehee. Thanks for my Kalahari retail therapy. I am now the proud owner of a new CD. Name will be given on request. Good to know you’re still here Kyk!


  10. You’re not growing old, you’re growing up. In South Africa. I must say the divorce rate here in Ireland is really low – probably because it takes a really, really long time to get a divorce here. So instead they just stay married and live separate lives. I’m not sure which is worse.


  11. Sometimes you need to set a goal for your marriage, you have to work at it.
    It is sad, pathetic, depressing to live through and watch others go through a divorce. I try not to snicker out loud during the sappy vows exchanged by starry eyed dreamers..sigh…

    When my friend married my ex-wife I wished them the best of luck…and when I married his ex-wife I vowed to be happier than them for the rest of my life.

    Now no matter what happens, I cannot get divorced..EVER!
    I MUST make it work..
    I’ll show them who is happier…
    You wanna see Happy..
    I’ll show ya Happy…


  12. I was going to comment about a couple I know — $60,000 divorce, including some 5-pound attorney-fueled tomes regarding whether the dog was “livestock” under Texas law and thus needed to be attached for settlement (pardon my US-centric measurements, too tired to convert) — who are now remarried.

    I suggested before they remarried they just give me $30,000, take the other $30,000 to travel around the world and live together. But they got hitched again anyway.

    Instead, I will simply remark about my husband, who just brought me an icy ruby-red-grapefruit-and-vodka shot he’d chilled in the freezer for me as I blog. After 7 years of marriage. Sometimes it ain’t bad, and one gets lucky.


  13. bee: If it’s by Steve Hofmeyr, I think I’d rather not know.

    other-duke: It certainly buys you a better class of misery.

    terri: It’s not just Ireland where it takes time. Hey, who’re you accusing of “growing up”?

    homo escapeons: And the beatings will continue until morale improves. BTW, I don’t think you’ve quite grasped the concept of wife-swapping properly.

    tammy: What’s in in that coffee?

    lori: Damn. Where were you when I was about to get married? Grapefruit and vodka AND you get lucky? Some people really have it all [envious muttering]


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