Whose line is it anyway?

This has been an interesting year for me. If I was given the opportunity to go back and make a few changes, I certainly would. Pointless though this speculation may be, it is nevertheless quite fun. I would probably also be tempted to make one or two minor alterations to world events. The idea of wilfully screwing with the universal order is immensely appealing. I suppose I should become a mercenary or rebel, but I’m a bit put off by the long working hours and having to kill strangers in nasty ways.

One of the things that have changed is that I have to travel more often, so a couple of days ago, I found myself at the airport again. As luck would have it, I selected Kulula as my conveyance. I really do think it’s time they started diverting a small fraction of all that money they spend on advertising into their IT maintenance budget, because their damned computerised check-in system at Cape Town International goes down more often than a starving nymphomaniac with an empty fridge.

The queue of annoyed passengers snaked back and forth across the departures hall so many times, that it was difficult to tell where it started. Tempers ran high. Voices were raised. Several fistfights nearly broke out when hopeful travellers tried to push into the line ahead of other passengers who were seriously fed up with the lack of movement.

“Departure Hall Rage” doesn’t have quite the same snappy ring that “Road Rage” does, but I can’t think of a better term for it. It’s a pity you can’t bottle irritation and use it as a power source. Eskom would be out of business.


17 thoughts on “Whose line is it anyway?

  1. We have to team up: you’ll wilfully screw with the universal order while I kill people in the nasty ways. All right?
    Also… “(…) their damned computerised check-in system at Cape Town International goes down more often than a starving nymphomaniac with an empty fridge” just begs to be quoted. I’ll figure it out with Fence.


  2. oh my goodness- that made me laugh… (and it still hurts a little you know)!
    i am one of those people who will under no circumstances tolerate someone cutting in line- i speak up loudly and quickly!
    i also cannot stand the people who stand right up against you in a queue as if it’ll get them to the front that much faster- i have many a time asked someone to stay a little way behind me please…


  3. Jumping up and down needing to wee! So eloquent! glad you’re still alive tho – despite all the inefficiency you’ve had to endure. Was beinning to wonder if you’d abandoned us for good… sniiiiiifffff.


  4. Ahhh, yep, similar change here — more biz travail, er, travel, and hence airport queue-rage et al.

    How did it come to pass that we went from a once-upon-a-time where people dressed up to fly on an airplane, where it was a hushed and fancy thing — to our present-day irritation express?

    (Maybe it’s because ruffians like me now can afford to fly early and often…)


  5. Even if Eskom could bottle it, I bet they’d still screw it up. Lol.
    Youd think with all the advances made in modern technology, the one think that would have become obsolete by now would be the friggin queue.


  6. anne: It’s a deal. I’m sure we’d make a great team.

    angel: I’m not fond of people crowding me either, but using pepper spray in such circumstances is frowned upon.

    granny wrangler: I missed you too 🙂

    lori: It’s weird that cruise ships have taken over the function that passenger aircraft used to fulfill and vice-versa (for overseas travel, at any rate).

    chitty: You’d have to check Eskom’s bottles for stray bolts. BTW, 21st Century technology allows us to create a better, more robust queue.


  7. It’s strange. People used to get excited for air travel. YOu know, it was part of the honeymoon.

    Now I see the sutomised blue and green (in this case) and am filled with dread and frustration. And it starts with the bloody queues.


  8. I’m ordering my thoughts:

    1) Since you’re a kuluka.com whore (can I say that?), did you at least get the credit card to earn the free miles? Erm, I’m sorry, the “kulula moolah”. *Vomits*

    2) I prefer to encapsulate everything as “Airport Rage”, as departure-hall nightmares are just the start. There are security nightmares, sitting on the plane on the runway for an hour to allow a sick passenger (and her luggage) to be removed nightmares, sitting on the runway waiting for a replacement doobie-dab that starts the plane to arrive, sitting on the runway after landing waiting for a parking space nightmares, convincing customs officials that you’re not emmigarting nightmares….

    3) With regards to the post by Dolce – dammit! My love for travel is very much at loggerheads for my love for having a planet on which to live.


  9. When I had the bad luck flying out of New York right after the hair gel terror threat, I think there were a couple of dead bodies in line. I mean, they were not dead when they got in queue, but somehow got killed in nasty ways afterwards. And that the line was 2 km long (for real) probably had something to do with it.

    That, and the number of angry French travellers not willing to give up their bottles of perfume. heehee!

    A very smart Saffa a few people back from us had just his passport and a wallet in a clear plastic bag as his carry-on. Oh how he smirked at the rest of us. I hope he got food poisoning on his flight.


  10. Maybe Departure Hall Rage is the real reason why nail clippers, knitting needles and nail polish remover now has to be safely stored in the baggage destined for the cargo hold.


  11. I think Departures Hall Rage is on a par with Arrivals Hall Rage – or more specifically, Inefficient, Nitpickety Immigration Official Rage and Lost Baggage Rage ask me about it! Grrrr!!!

    As for queue-jumping – pop over here for a bit and you’ll see it at it’s best. The Frogs are experts. A large Gallic shrug, a sardonic sneer and they’re IN…and don’t you dare argue.


  12. peas: Aaargh! Don’t mention the “H” word!

    dolce: Well, Terri describes me as “Eeyore with a god complex”, so I suppose the shoe fits – especially if you take Cayennetology into account.

    mjw: Hmmm. If we could also bottle nightmares…

    misty: Woah, now that’s a serious line. Everything’s bigger in the USA.

    katt: That almost makes sense, except that you still have access to all those pointy items while you’re waiting to check in.

    geena: Maybe you could steal their perfume in retaliation.


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