Margin of error

The Tart recently asked me to do a post on personal boundaries. While it is true that I have some experience in this regard, I am not at all sure that this necessarily qualifies me to undertake the task. In fact, I suspect that anything I have to say on the subject would be a little bit like a person with a bullet wound trying to write a monograph on ballistics. Nevertheless, I told her I would take a shot at it.

You see, during the dissolution of my marriage, among the (many) connubial crimes I stood accused of, being possessed of an ungenerous spirit was pretty close to the top of the list. Consequently, when my ex-wife decided to return to the Fairest Cape for a short holiday, I nearly fell over myself to prove just how accommodating I could be. Kind of absurd, if you think about it, but overcompensation has never bowed to the tyranny of logic. I was so busy bending over backwards that I ended up with my head planted firmly up my arse+.

This is undoubtedly why I never noticed how deftly I’d been manoeuvred into acting as her taxi driver, factotum and general errand-boy – sort of like when we were still married, but without the sex. It took more than a week of running around like your proverbial winged insect with a viridian backside before I realised what was happening.

In the words of my sociopathic, but nonetheless eminently quotable, sister – “If you’re going to be a doormat, you should expect to be walked on”

+ don’t try this at home kids


19 thoughts on “Margin of error

  1. Yes but what kind of doormat?
    Do you say WELCOME or PLEASE WIPE YOUR FEET or do you have a scenic depiction of an idyllic life or just a corporate logo?


  2. Well, if there were no doormats in this world there would be nothing for the abusers to wipe their feet on… I think I’ve got a footprint on my forehead.


  3. excuse me for being serious: I spent so long bending over backwards for everyone, EVERYONE, I had to learn how to stand upright – okay, over stretching this metaphor, but it was a conscious decision to stop doing that and stick up for myself, and I had to remake the decision everyday for about a year before it felt natural and right again. I also lost a couple of friends who didnt like the new non-doormat me. As my mom would say: Good riddance!


  4. Sounds like maybe your ex had a little chat with a certain mushy pea, and it seems like on of her baits. “i bet you couldnt be a generous person”…and such was the start of the end


  5. The ex-Mrs Kyknoord knows you too well.
    What with that willingness to overcompensate you carry around with you, I’d say you were an easy target. (Bending over backwards and ending up with your head planted up yur arse sounds painful… very painful!)


  6. It’s all about balance, isn’t it.
    I mean, it must be quite difficult to bend over backwards with your head up your arse and not fall over.
    You know what I mean.


  7. Bravo! Your Sistah is quite the card … And quite right. Hmmm, must dust self off & take myself to be rethread, ASAP … Natch!

    Many smooches & thanks,
    The Tart


  8. homo escapeons: I used to say “Welcome”, but the message has just about worn away.

    katt: You should see my jacket. Sir Walter Raleigh has nothing on me.

    other-duke: Absolutely. I have now resolved to eat more fibre and fewer onions.

    katie possum: I first need to extract my head, before I’ll be able to stand up properly. I have the mother of all cricks in my neck.

    urk: It’s worse than you think, because I managed to bait myself.

    chitty: Everything about the experience is painful, not just the metaphorical contortionism.

    terri: The important thing is to avoid doing it on an incline, because then you roll downhill.

    mjw: As long as I’m not wearing a safari suit.

    the tart: Make sure they tread lightly.

    esther: Indeed, but I’m still not going to shag her, no matter how much she begs ;-D


  9. I stick to the great proverb of “Assholes finish first.

    It’s almost like there’s some weird imbalance in the universe: if you are nice, people will exploit it until there’s nothing left.

    Hell of a thing!


  10. you know, i made myself a company doormat for my previous employers- and it took me years to get tired of the mud and the muck being trampled into my hair and ears!


  11. If I knew a doormat as witty, intelligent, and charmingly bristly as you, I’d wipe my boots on the concrete curb and preserve the “Welcome.”

    Found some other versions aside from the “Welcome,” should you need.


  12. Overcompensation is up there with guilt, in fact the two hold hands.
    Emotions we hate feeling, on part of other people.

    It’s pants. And it’s the whole ‘someone pulling the strings’ that pissesme off.

    Sorry Kyk. You got me ranting. I overcompensate with smiles to my editor at work.


  13. kevin: It’s the ‘path of least resistance’ principle at work.

    angel: I don’t think I have your stamina.

    lori: Oh you sweet talker, you! I particularly like number 3 😀

    3T: According to the old exression: “No good deed ever goes unpunished”

    peas: Guilt I have in abundance. The Department of Trade and Industry has approached me to set up an export deal.

    rev: Good thing I don’t live in Scotland.

    alan: The patent office begs to differ. Unimaginative bastards.


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