Over at the slipstream, Chitty has been having a torrid time navigating the treacherous straits of consumer frenzy. The business of procuring the “perfect gift” is never easy. It becomes exponentially more difficult when you have a severe hangover, or are surrounded by hordes of sweaty-armpitted tourists, or both.
My gift to you, my faithful readers, is
a giant pile of money a list+ of suggested presents to take some of the pressure off at this difficult time of year:
- A large bottle of cat urine A dual-purpose winner. Not only is it a great standby when all the booze has run out at New Year and people are less discriminating in their choice of refreshment, but it makes a great perfume, too++.
- A liquid soap dispenser A fine gift, if your friend happens to own a club in Jozi. Also, our blogging buddy Peas on Toast can’t seem to get enough of these.
- A banana Sometimes simpler is better. No matter who you give one of these babies to, a banana will always be a gift with a peel.
- A Worsie Visser CD Simply perfect for anyone who claims to love surprises.
- A pelvic massage Although these are often hot favourites, they require slick handling. The last thing you want to do is rub someone the wrong way.
- Socks Ja okay, I’m out of ideas. It’s been an extremely long, meeting-filled day
+ Oops, sorry. The lawyers and my ex-wife got the giant pile of money. Believe me, I’m as disappointed as you are.
++ At least, that’s what the woman who works in admin seems to think.