Ex marks the spot

I may have painted a rather dismal picture of divorce, but it does have one major advantage: No more in-laws – well, almost. Put it this way, I usually only have to endure their company for short periods when I go to visit my daughter+.

Recently though, my ex called me to ask if I “want to spend the first week of the New Year with the youngster”. Translation: “I can’t get leave until the crèche reopens and I can’t find a reliable / affordable babysitter at short notice” Despite my cynicism with regard to her motives, I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to see Kyknoord Jr, so I readily agreed.

Apart from the fact that my ex seems to think I’m an idiot, the real down side to this was having to make nice to my former in-laws. My ex-MIL has the horns, saurian tail and fire-breathing capabilities that one would expect in a member of her species – in other words, she’s reasonably normal. My ex-father-in-law, on the other hand, is completely unbearable. He has the social skills of a pile of manure, although all things being equal, this is rather insulting to the manure. Given a choice between being in the same room as him for any length of time or being beaten over the head repeatedly with a sack of spanners, I would probably settle for the spanners. Less painful. More interesting. Easier to recover from.

+ my ex-wife went back home to Mum after we split. It’s a bit of a cliché, I know, but originality seldom features very heavily in marital strife.

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18 thoughts on “Ex marks the spot

  1. My FIL had the good sense to completely alienate his son. Thank god. Any more episodes of him prancing around in his tighty whities and I don’t think I’d have married his son.

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  2. peas: And you know what? She doesn’t wear Prada after all.

    the granny wrangler: Then you definitely don’t want to be in a shitty marriage.

    tripeak: Just wait until the movie comes out.

    atw: I’d be content with just a plain old moersleutel.

    katt: You callin’ me old, huh?

    andrea: The sins of the father…

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  3. Being around the in-laws (or in my case, prospective in-laws) is like being an exchange student in a foreign country. You remain spectator and the oddness of their “culture” and bizarre practices/social skills is something one does not get used to.

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  4. Ok, I have to brag here. My mom was voted coolest mom recently through an informal survey of my friends and thier parents. So my mom will be an uber cool in law.
    My dad, however, came up very short, seeing as how everyone thinks he has a broom up his ass and his new wife makes the guys in parliament look like mensa members.
    I guess i’ll have to marry someone with no parents or liberal hippy parents.

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  5. I happen to agree with your ‘cynicism’ – so many ex-wives have no idea how transparent they are when they’re conning their ex-husbands. Or maybe they do, but they just don’t care?

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  6. chitty: I think my Rough Guide is out of date.

    kevin: – but only half the presence.

    insane insomniac: As long as your old man doesn’t ask anyone to sweep the floor.

    terri: It’s difficult to say but frankly, it’s just not worth making an issue out of it.

    mjw: Okay, now that’s just mean.

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  7. Ah, the old “would you like to have junior this weekend (‘cos I have a hot date)” trick. I know it well. But, like you, I’d rather be lied to than NOT spend time with the youngster!

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  8. HA! What a great anal-ysis of OUTlaws.
    It drives you carzy when you realise that you can’t burn all of your bridges…yet.

    Your FIL sounds terrific..how old is he…will he be around when Kyk jr graduates?

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  9. Excelent anal-ysis of the OUTlaws.
    It is a terrrible shock to the system when you realise that you can’t burn all of your bridges.

    Your FIL sounds terrific..how old is he…will he be around when Kyk jr graduates?

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  10. hhmmm- i think a list of the good things that spring from a divorce could be very entertaining dude!
    so why couldn’t the kidlet just come to you for a week?

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