Lousy discovery

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us

(from “To a Louse” by Robert Burns)

During my visit to Port Elizabeth last week, the sprog was enjoying her regular midday nap and I found myself casting around for some or other quiet occupation to while away the time until she awoke.

At first glance, my ex-wife’s bookcase seemed to be stuffed to overflowing with colourful potential, but there were actually very few paperbacks that didn’t contain the words “…one woman’s struggle against…” somewhere in the blurb on the back. Call me small-minded, but I’d rather be bored than go snorkelling in the cloudy waters of chick-lit.

I was about to head off to the kitchen to try and scare up something for lunch, when I noticed a rather drab, unadorned tome lying on the top shelf. It looked suspiciously like a journal or a diary…

Of course I read it.

All I can say is that Robert Burns was pretty damned clueless – about this, at any rate. Knowing what my ex really thinks of me is something I could safely have done without. Yeah, yeah, I know: Self-inflicted wound.

Ironically, “nosy” wasn’t listed as one of my flaws.


37 thoughts on “Lousy discovery

  1. Sorry to hear. I guess the adage of ignorance is bliss rings true in this situation.

    I hate it when these situations arise. I’ve stumbled upon sent emails about me that I would’ve rather not found. The problem is, it’s so hard not to read. We simply have to know.

    Unless it was actually something positive…?


  2. Never forget it is her personal ranting, and often irrational at that. Often the writer is well aware of this, but obviously does not need to explain, cause it is her personal space. Well, that is if her journal is anything like mine.

    Hmmm….almost rings true to several blogs around here.

    Or use the shrink’s best argument… Projecting: the person is projecting onto you their traits they cannot deal with in themselves. Gotta love guilt-free psychology!


  3. I would of read it too. Then I would start peppering my conversation with select subtle lines/themes from the journal – just enough to ignite paranoia, but not enough for her to gather ammo for an accusation 😛


  4. The other way to look at it is that at least you did not continue in a relationship with her blissfully unaware that she held that dagger behind your back…


  5. You’re better off without someone who has the narcissism to write pages about oneself and only about others as they relate to her ad nauseam anyway.

    signed A Blogger


  6. Sometimes I’d really like to get into my fiance’s head and know what he’s thinking. I don’t think he’d ever blog or keep a journal though.

    I’m out of options.


  7. Didn’t your mother ever teach you to share? I’m with Terri and Luke, bring on the jucies.

    Oh, and ‘eina’ by the way. However, some of the things you put in TOSOTM about her wouldn’t make her leap for joy either i’m sure, but you hardly want the woman to rot in hell (i don’t think).
    Point is, when things are bad we bitch like hell but when they’re good we shut up and go shopping. Who knows, yours may be the (ahem) Yard Stick (!!) against which all other men are sorrowfully compared by her. In which case, you free saturday??


  8. My Ex found my blog last year – well he SEARCHED for it and read it without telling me…of course I was occasionally ranting about him…and ha ha ha he got very upset at what I wrote and one day he told me….silly sod! So I shut the blog down.

    Nobody likes an Ex – know matter what they may say about being friends..I just do not believe it. Too much water under the bridge and all that.


  9. Take one diary, dilute soft words with angry ranting and the belief that she’s unloading and in a private book and you have some harsh words (probably) to read on the page.

    Sorry to hear Kyk. Don’t feel bad. Anybody would’ve read it. That humanistic morbid curiosity working against us mere mortals.

    Remember it’s her subjective view as well.


  10. KN… I couldn’t help but laugh very hard when I read this one. Serves you right for reading her private thoughts. 🙂
    On the other hand, look at it this way: She writes about you in her journal; you blog about her on your blog. Tit for tat.
    All you have to do now is send her the URL. Sweet revenge, wouldn’t you say?


  11. Just peaked in to read the comments in response to this Hot Topic!

    Kyk, I have to say, you are a brave soul. For reading it and then admitting you did.



  12. kevin: Ding dong!

    champs: It was the irrational ranting that made it such an exciting read.

    atyllah: – and everyone’s a critic, right?

    katt: Nonsense! I don’t phone you five times a day and I don’t give you a hard time about smoking, do I?

    ‘zilla: Story of my life.

    triggermap: I’ll keep that in mind for my next visit.

    terri: I’ll put it on my “to do” list.

    insane insomniac: ‘fraid not – I’m completely shameless :mrgreen:
    What are you doing reading this anyway? These are my private, personal thoughts. Go on – shoo!

    iitq: True. Especially since I’m fond of showers.

    andrea: Absolutely. Don’t you just hate people who are so self-absorbed and don’t have the wit to realise it?

    acidicice: I can help you there: the inside of your fiancee’s head is probably grey and gooey.

    luke610: You could be forgiven for thinking that.

    granny wrangler: Despite all my whining, I’m still very fond of my ex. Her only major shortcoming is that she’s a poor judge of character – she married me, after all 😉 I’ll pencil you in for Saturday, shall I?

    wendz: That’s to be expected. This was intended as a cautionary tale.

    delboy: I also had my suspicions, but I thought I was just being paranoid.

    peas: I guess she’s gonna be a bit annoyed when she finds out that I decorated some of the pages with drawings of aliens with enormous genitalia.

    chitty: Stop staring at my tats!

    parenthesis: Lucky Triggermap 😀

    jam: The conspiracy gathers momentum.

    katt: You think anyone would have believed me if I’d said I hadn’t?

    other-duke: A sea route to India. Oh wait, that wasn’t me.


  13. “I guess she’s gonna be a bit annoyed when she finds out that I decorated some of the pages with drawings of aliens with enormous genitalia.”

    Well now that’s billiant.

    Did you give them names?

    “I am Zurb, Ruler of Saturn and God of Penii.”
    Paste a pic paste a pic, oh please!


  14. you stopped short at alien smut? I would have added a few sarcastic entries of my own.

    “Dear Diary. Not a very good day today. Everyone still thinks I’m a bitch. What am I doing wrong?”


  15. Most likely it was left there on purpose. I mean, that’s what I’d do, anyway. But if I were you, I’d never, ever, EVER… ok, well yes I would. Who am I kidding? 😉 (The would will heal, self inflicted or not.)


  16. peas: Oh man, I knew I should have packed my portable scanner.

    moonflake: I considered that, but I thought an in-depth critique of her over-use of the word “bastard” would go some way towards improving her narrative style.

    salman: – or an insurance company marketing slogan? Love the new book, by the way.

    mjw: Pogo stick? What are you on? (and are you willing to share?)

    rev: The difference is they usually write nice things about you in your obituary. Oh, and you’re dead.

    the tart: Jeez, wasn’t the list I already sent you enough?

    angel: Enough and no.

    livewire: I can’t decide whether it was deliberate or subconscious. I don’t suppose it really matters.


  17. man…that sucks! Nothing worse than reading shit like that! Sorry to hear but pucker up…you’re not married to her anymore! What’s the problem!?!

    And don’t you have some bad thoughts of her that you (maybe) want her to get her hands on. Just kidding…how malicious!


  18. kabintsimbi: It’s a bit like getting a tattoo. Sure it hurts, but you just gotta.

    chewthecud: As they say in Latin: ex missus ballisticus.

    dolce: Definitely next time 😉


  19. Faced with a diary you could read or not read, is it better knowing or not knowing? The obvious answer is ‘knowing’ no matter what shit is said about you.


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