Cupid stunts

I love Valentine’s Day.

Let me rephrase that: I find the havoc it causes rather entertaining. If you happen to be looking for definitive proof of the existence of the Devil+, this ‘holiday’ provides strong circumstantial evidence to support the case.

It really doesn’t matter where you are on the relationship spectrum, Valentine’s Day is an equal-opportunity dispenser of misery. They may not realise it, but single people actually get off quite lightly. Although that “nobody loves me” feeling is far from pleasant, it has an uncomplicated purity to it. By contrast, people in relationships often have to try and unravel tangled threads of expectation that are both insidious and subtle. For them, it’s a bit like trying to find an unmarked tin of spaghetti in a worm-canning factory: so many choices, so many opportunities to enjoy a paddle-free brown water rafting experience on Rio Kaka.

Christmas always drives a fair number of Bah!Humbuggers out of the blogging woodwork, but Valentine’s Day has no peer when it comes to inspiring truly poetic bitterness. Epic stuff.

+ a popular pastime in Port Elizabeth, I understand

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28 thoughts on “Cupid stunts

  1. I’m looking forward to this years Valentines Day with a smile on my face. Low expectations. You’re right. Being single is much easier on a day like this. I think I’ll take myself out to dinner and propose.

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  2. Here’s my plan: a Bruce Lee fest (or equivalent) will be playing on DVD, and I’ll be in the kitchen doing the dishes. It’ll be like I was a couple.

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  3. Ha!

    I thought you were going to link that definitive proof and search for the devil in PE to your ex’s presence.

    But maybe it was implied.

    So since this day is bothering you, may we take it that you have been dating someone?

    You sly bugger. You’ve been withholding…

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  4. jam: An excellent proposition!

    anne: Me too. I’m beside myself with excitement.

    iitq: I admit nothing. I will, however, draw your attention to my disclaimer: “…if you feel compelled to place a deeper interpretation on anything you may read here – don’t” :mrgreen:

    ant: You know, I think you might have found a loophole in the system.

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  5. I’ve just learnt not to expect anything – and I have been 100% not disappointed so far.

    My best Valentine’s day was with the ex-boyfriend. He gave me money and told me to go and buy his gift to me. Such style and charm. 😛

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  6. Paganism. I tell you. On creating Valentine’s Day decided to make the world completely miserable all at once. Even in arelationship, if the one partner doesn’t fare us, it’s a recipe for “but he doesn’t love me!” disaster.

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  7. where does all the money go? consumer buys rip off rose/choc/card/stuffed panda. florist/cardies/sweets from heaven/choc shop/stuffed panda store shop owner takes rip off money and goes to dinner. restaurant owner takes rip off money whilst ripping off aforementioned ripper-offer. what does the ultimate ripper-offer do with all that money?

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  8. Personally, I prefer to celebrate Lupercalia, which falls on February 15th. On that day, the males of my acquaintance run howling and naked through the city and swat people with strips of skin from a human sacrifice. But hey, whatever floats your boat. (+ And yes, I’ve done time in Port Elizabeth.)

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  9. Here’s mine:

    You* all fucking suck!
    So I’m glad I’m still single,
    bitter, and happy.

    *When I say “you” I, of course, don’t mean “you”, more an ethereal “you”.

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  10. It is indeed a pain in the ass holiday. Too much stress, to many expectations, and too damed hard to get a reservation for dinner. Just because I’m a happy newlywed doesn’t mean I must get caught in the fray!

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  11. I found a “20% Off” voucher for a jeweller and slapped it down on the table in front of Hubby last week. Did he get the hint? Time will tell.
    Aw crap, I just realised that means I probably have to get him something too.
    Yep, V-day sux.

    {goes away pleased with herself that she didn’t even mention the PE-slagging this time..}

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  12. katt: Hot damn! Is he single?

    peas: Cheer up. I have a rather good recipe for hot chocolate sauce.

    urk: Stockpile velcro, perhaps?

    ‘zilla: Hah! There’s no way I’m going to get involved in that sort of thing. Again.

    mjw: Brings a tear to the eye, it does. Hey, who’re you calling ethereal?

    sophie: Not if you want to remain happy, that is.

    rev: Just so. Of course, it goes a long way towards explaining the endless psychological reenactments.

    terri: Technically speaking, a statement is only considered to be ‘slagging’ if it’s largely (or entirely) untrue. In case Hubby doesn’t get the hint, make sure you get something you’re going to like as well.

    miss cellania: Oooh creepy. We’re channelling one another. Again.

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  13. Aaaaaw, but I LOVE Valentine’s Day. For 5 years I have always had a wonderful time. Last year, the 6th year, was a bit crap but that’s cause I was sick.

    Although, this might prove your theory on couples vs. singles on that day. I have been single enough on the 14th Feb every year.

    It’s an excuse for all that is basic in this world…champagne, chocolate, and feeling love!

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  14. I always felt really rejected on Valentine’s Day during primary and high school. I never got cards or anything and I was almost always single on Valentine’s Day. I haven’t been single for the last 5, but have been disappointed anyway. Last year Rudi and I had a HUGE fight on the day when he was taking me out to supper and he made me cry in the restaurant. What an ass. This year we’re both broke and in the spirit of not having money we will just shag.

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  15. I don’t mind Valentine’s Day. I hate the whole red/white/pink hearts, rose-y, carnation-y, cute-sy, happy, frilly, flowery, chocolate-y, hippity-hoppity bulshit they shove down your throat.
    Oh wait.. that is Valentines Day!
    On the plus side: if you can endure all of the above, there a hearty shag at the end of it. Just not a rose scented pink bed with heart shaped pillows.
    Aarrgghh… there is no escape, is there?

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  16. After five years with the same man, I no longer get my hopes up about St V day, which is better for all involved. Except one year, my man arrived home with a simple red heart paper cut out. My heart melted, because I thought “how cute! we never do anything for this day, and this is like the cards you get when you’re little”. But it actually said “happy valentines day from your SRC” or something like that… they were being handed out on campus. He still doesnt get why this upset me so much 😉
    Dont get your hopes up – just love each other lots every day.

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  17. champs: Apparently you can take medication to correct that.

    acidicice: Poor thing. Don’t worry, there’s still time for a huge fight if you start building up to it now.

    chitty: Of course there is. Nobody lives forever.

    katie: Chances are that if someone doesn’t “get it”, then you’re going to have to explain it. Otherwise, you’ll be in for a long, frustrating and ultimately fruitless wait.

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  18. The world just isn’t ready for my Valentine’s. That’s all.

    I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t single for Valentine’s. I think that it should be based on the Octoberfest. After all, nothing else is going to get you crying and laid at the same time quite like Shnapps and beer.

    Much, much more effective than roses.

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  19. There’s nothing like a truly memorable valentines day to remind you why you DESERVE to wallow in state of virtual poetic bitterness. Like hey, what about this one: Boyfriend comes round to mine on the day before and casually invites me to a singles dinner he and his sister are going to. In a kind of ‘come if you haven’t got any other plans’ kind of way. Uh-oh got that warm fuzzy feeling again.

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  20. aaaaah valentines day… you know, just one kak valentines day when you’re actually IN a relationship can scar you for life… this is why i will be boycotting it again this year (not hard to boycott it when i’m single, heh heh)!

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  21. Aaah, but the day is all kak, until you have someone newish to spend it with.

    Delicious dins and then curled up on the couch with the boy and his Christmas pressie to me…the collectors edition of Fellini’s La Dolce Vita.

    I feel squishy, oh so squishy.

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