A rose by any other name

Our office recently acquired one of those every-couple-of-minutes-perfume-spraying thingies+ in the gents toilet. No-one seems to know why++.

I have long since made peace with the fact that our ablution facilities appear to be a faithful recreation of a level of Duke Nukem. I suppose I should be grateful that the architect who designed the building wasn’t an avid Doom fan, but in all seriousness, making the place smell like the Woolies cosmetics counter goes just a little bit beyond weird. I’m not averse to change, but for the love of Google, the scheißehaus isn’t meant to smell like your girlfriend (or vice-versa, for that matter).

I’m not the only person bothered by this, although it is rather ironic that the most vocal critic of the new arrangement is the office’s primary producer of garlic-powered arse bombs. I had kind of assumed that his olfactory faculties had long since been beaten into submission.

Then again, maybe he just doesn’t like competition in what can only be described as a niche market.

+ I apologise for the use of technical jargon, but I don’t know what else to call it

++ Although the official branch conspiracy theorist sees this as additional evidence that “management is fucking with our heads, man”. He could well be right


21 thoughts on “A rose by any other name

  1. Maybe you and your co-workers should stop being so stinky, and then managment wouldn’t have to step in. Eveyone knows that managers smell like flowers, so your accusations don’t stand.

    Have you guys all tried less fibre?


  2. cedric: Ah’s thinkin’ mebbe MORE fibre to clean them pipes. Ah reckons we’s gettin’ all bungholed up like them internets.

    urk: Ahahahaha! You just crack me up.


  3. Look, I think it’s an awesome idea…but I’m a girl. Girls are like that. I think the one’s you press with your finger are cool for home (can’t for the life of me remember what they’re called now). We’ve got it at work as well. I don’t know if it’s a freshener so much as a neutraliser coz the toilet never smells “nice”. I want a “nice” smell. Maybe I should write a letter to management…psssssss


  4. Man, the worst is when it always seems to go off when you walk in, then you start thinking to yourself, “Why… do I smell?” Or when it is strategically positioned above the urinal and you get the gentle mist drop onto your head while taking a slash and your stink for the ret of the day… SIGH


  5. What a subject,
    I agree with you, what happened to those peppermint thingies in the urinal that you try dissolve away with a super jet of pent up pee. Those did the job hey…without making the sprayer smell like “lilacs of the serengeti” all day.


  6. Oo swwoon … you mentioned the D word – i went all weird for a minute, cos of course all i could see in my head was The Rock … erm, where was i ?

    we have those perfume dispenser thingies (yes, i’m also technologically savvy) … in our loos here at work, they scare the bejesus out of me when it’s late in the afternoon and you’re in there on your own and you hear ‘…ssss phwack … sss” as it sprays stuff into the atmosphere. bloody creepy .. i’m sure those things are possessed.


  7. We used to have one of those every-couple-of-minutes-perfume-spraying thingies in our loo in the pub, but it has been removed and replaced by an even fancier gadget – the Ionizer! Makes the whole toilet smell like old cigarette smoke!!


  8. Funnily enough, we have no such things in my neck of the woods. Since there seems to be a veritable smorgasbord of these elsewhere, I begin to wonder why. Maybe there’s an element of truth to the saying that some people’s um, excretement, smells sweeter than others? 🙂


  9. Can’t you replace the scent with something more palatable, um, acceptable?

    Curry smell for Mondays, Beer for Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Old Spice for Thursdays and Fish on Fridays.


  10. mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha… snort… choke, coff-coff…
    sorry… coff, snort…
    can’t comment properly…
    choking on my own laugh induced saliva and the fumes from the room freshener…


  11. It sounds like garlic bum doesn’t quite like the fact that once he has scent marked his territory, it is automatically overwritten by an automated pseudo alpha male.

    Maybe he should step up his games a bit and try urinating on the office furniture.


  12. They just recently introduced those thingies at a place I work. Except it’s above the door, so you have to duck every time you try to enter / leave the bathroom otherwise you really WILL end up smelling like some cheap cosmetic all day.


  13. We also have one above the door, and it seems to have some special ability to measure the level of toxicity in the air, because it has a LCD readout and everything. Very snazzy.
    Doesn’t work very well, though.
    However, it’s better than those ones you can buy at the supermarket that smell like strawberries and cream. I mean, seriously, why would anyone think it’s a good idea to make a toilet freshener that smells like food?


  14. Wow. You’ve been busy while I was loafing…

    acidicice: Absolutely. Cloying-sticks-in-the-back-of-your-throat-and-reminds-you-of-putrification is never “nice”

    terri: A clear case of the cure being worse than the disease.

    phlippy: We’ve gone one better. We have them in the stalls.

    dave: We used to have mothballs, but the moths called down the wrath of the SPCA on us.

    anne: You live in Paris. You won’t have to go far to get your wish.

    lukeagain: Hmmm… perhaps an after-hours “exorcism” is in order?

    delboy: Damn. You get all the cool stuff.

    parenthesis: Maybe it’s because your neck of the woods smells like a pine forest?

    alan: I like it. I’ll forward your suggestion to management.

    angel: Are you reading blogs while you’re in the bog? Appropriate, I suppose.

    rev: I think I’ll first suggest he tries beating his chest.

    jam: This tyranny of scent has to be stopped! Isn’t this covered by the Geneva Convention?

    mjw: Maybe it’s a too-literal interpretation of, “people eat a lot of crap these days”


  15. The other annoying thing about this smelly spray thingies is that the spritz sticks to you when you leave, and hangs around in your nostrils. It’s like having a big neon sign about your head that says “Yes, I was in the loo, that is why I smell like a field of flowers or a flowery sewerage works.”


  16. Pingback: Is it just me … « Parenthesis

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