Search engine

I went to Look & Listen yesterday evening. The plan was to augment my Pinky and the Brain collection, but my attention was diverted from the task when an exuberant teen bounded up to a clueless shop assistant loitering with intent near the porn erotic cinema section.

EXUBERANT TEEN: I’m looking for a DVD for my mother’s birthday. It’s called lay.. lay-something.
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [blinks cluelessly]
EXUBERANT TEEN: [hopefully] It’s called lay-muh-something. Lay-muh-something?
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [shakes head with stoner-like sluggishness] Nuh. Don’t have’nything like that.
EXUBERANT TEEN: Are you sure? My mom said she saw it here. It’s called lay-muh-something.
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [blinks cluelessly]

Enter KYKNOORD stage right

KYKNOORD: [through gritted teeth] Do you perhaps mean Les Misérables?
EXUBERANT TEEN: [bouncing exuberantly] YES, YES! That’s IT! [To CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT] Do you have it?
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [shakes head with stoner-like sluggishness] Nuh. Don’t have’nything like that.
KYKNOORD: [Grinding teeth] It’s a musical. Based on the novel by Victor Hugo.
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [blinks cluelessly. Face which was previously blank becomes positively opaque. Gestures vaguely in direction of Classical Music section]
KYKNOORD: [massages temples] Gnnnnnnnngh! [takes several steps to the right, discovers twenty-two copies of Les Mis cunningly hidden on shelf marked “L”, retrieves copy for EXUBERANT TEEN]
EXUBERANT TEEN: [bouncing exuberantly] Oh thank you Mr Encyclopaedic Knowledge Man! Here, please accept this as a token of my esteem and gratitude [thrusts packet of Jelly Tots into KYKNOORD’s unresisting hand+ and bounds off to the check-out counter]
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [sulkily] Oh. Lezz Mizrah-bubbles. You should’ve said.

GGGGggggggggggg!

+ I’m paraphrasing slightly, although the bit about the Jelly Tots is completely true

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39 thoughts on “Search engine

  1. fence: Indeed. I’m hoping Look & Listen will bribe me to remove this entry.

    forgottenmachine: Building up the resistance slowly, are we? You would have needed good eyes to see me last night – I was at Canal Walk.

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  2. reminds me of the brief encounter i had in Red Square looking for a perfume, which, unbeknownst to me, had had it’s pronunciation changed when it crossed the border. No wonder i walked out without my bottle of Yah-Sattiss. Cretins.

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  3. Let me see now.
    A dark night.
    Candy.
    A stranger.
    An unsolicited request.
    Tell me now honestly: were either of you wearing a trench coat? 🙂

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  4. betenoir: If you aren’t busy Saturday, would you marry me?

    granny wrangler: Try ordering a Castle Lager in Tanzania.

    fm: Just so, but hope often transcends logic.

    parenthesis: Nuh. Don’t have’nything like that (I’m vaguely disappointed you didn’t manage to work the “porn erotic cinema” bit in there somewhere).

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  5. Oh, so you’ve become one of *those* people. It’s only a matter before you start telling parents what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their children.

    I’m onto you, Mister.

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  6. peas: As usual, you’re being too kind. Any brains would have been an improvement. On the plus side, at least he’ll never have a stroke and he’s perfectly safe from zombies.

    betenoir: Damn, I hate it when that happens.

    anne: Hah! That’s what you think. I have a contract.

    cedric: And I’m onto you, Music Boy.

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  7. I sort of assumed that the smut factor was implicit in my comment Kyk. Perhaps I need to be less subtle when it comes to you … 🙂

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  8. What you doin’ going into L&L in the first place, dude? That place is music afficianados’ hell – i’m glad you made it out alive though …
    (yeah i linked on purpose)
    cough.

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  9. The Peter Principle still hums like a well-oiled machine I see. I just hope you don’t apply the same at *your* workplace. (BTW did you find those Pinky & The Brain episodes? If by the dawning of the sun you’ve taken over the world I’ll assume so. You insane genius you.)

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  10. rev: I think she was counting on me being stranger than most.

    parenthesis: I think so. I’m not big on “nuances”, either.

    luke: Thank Google I’m not an afficianado, then. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed trouser snake can be a nasty shock.

    wendz: You realise that in terms of my Creative Commons license, I get 10% of the proceeds if you sell them on eBay?

    andrea: There’s no real need to “apply” something that has been seamlessly integrated into the system (Sadly, I had no luck on the P&B front)

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  11. You know, you play a pretty hard game for a man who accepts jelly tots from teenage boys.

    As for the video, I am speechless. I am scared. Someone hold me.

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  12. L&L and Canal Walk?
    Masochist.

    In other news, I’ve never had a stranger give me Jelly Tots. That would probably be the one offering that would tempt me.

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  13. what I want to know is why Les Mizz was in the porn erotic cinema section?

    Unless we are talking about the other kind of lezzies… Which reminds me, The L Word is about to start on TV. Gotta go!
    xo,
    M.

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  14. parenthesis: All in good time… Incidentally, I don’t want to cloud the waters with Durex discussions at the moment. I’m locked in a fierce struggle with Cedric to become the next Celibacy poster boy.

    lukeagain: As one does with these things.

    terri: *snort* 😀

    inyoka: My rates are very reasonable.

    monchan: Ah, but it wasn’t. Lezz Mizrah-bubbles was, in fact, several steps to the right of the Hard ‘n’ Heavy section.

    anduin: Hey, I’m all for affirmation, in any form.

    dolce: Sort of like a personal purgatory? I suppose the shoe fits.

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  15. You want to be the next Celibacy poster boy? Oh no Kyk, how could you? That single statement is the death knell of girlish dreams the blogosphere over [I mean you don’t think we hang around here for the stimulating, ah conversation, do you? 🙂

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  16. i love jelly tots mister encyclopaedic knowledge man!
    at least now i know that when i’m looking for something in look and listen i must either keep jelly tots handy and ask for you or… pronounce everything phonetically!

    Like

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