Search engine

I went to Look & Listen yesterday evening. The plan was to augment my Pinky and the Brain collection, but my attention was diverted from the task when an exuberant teen bounded up to a clueless shop assistant loitering with intent near the porn erotic cinema section.

EXUBERANT TEEN: I’m looking for a DVD for my mother’s birthday. It’s called lay.. lay-something.
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [blinks cluelessly]
EXUBERANT TEEN: [hopefully] It’s called lay-muh-something. Lay-muh-something?
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [shakes head with stoner-like sluggishness] Nuh. Don’t have’nything like that.
EXUBERANT TEEN: Are you sure? My mom said she saw it here. It’s called lay-muh-something.
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [blinks cluelessly]

Enter KYKNOORD stage right

KYKNOORD: [through gritted teeth] Do you perhaps mean Les Misérables?
EXUBERANT TEEN: [bouncing exuberantly] YES, YES! That’s IT! [To CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT] Do you have it?
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [shakes head with stoner-like sluggishness] Nuh. Don’t have’nything like that.
KYKNOORD: [Grinding teeth] It’s a musical. Based on the novel by Victor Hugo.
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [blinks cluelessly. Face which was previously blank becomes positively opaque. Gestures vaguely in direction of Classical Music section]
KYKNOORD: [massages temples] Gnnnnnnnngh! [takes several steps to the right, discovers twenty-two copies of Les Mis cunningly hidden on shelf marked “L”, retrieves copy for EXUBERANT TEEN]
EXUBERANT TEEN: [bouncing exuberantly] Oh thank you Mr Encyclopaedic Knowledge Man! Here, please accept this as a token of my esteem and gratitude [thrusts packet of Jelly Tots into KYKNOORD’s unresisting hand+ and bounds off to the check-out counter]
CLUELESS SHOP ASSISTANT: [sulkily] Oh. Lezz Mizrah-bubbles. You should’ve said.


+ I’m paraphrasing slightly, although the bit about the Jelly Tots is completely true


39 thoughts on “Search engine

  1. fence: Indeed. I’m hoping Look & Listen will bribe me to remove this entry.

    forgottenmachine: Building up the resistance slowly, are we? You would have needed good eyes to see me last night – I was at Canal Walk.


  2. reminds me of the brief encounter i had in Red Square looking for a perfume, which, unbeknownst to me, had had it’s pronunciation changed when it crossed the border. No wonder i walked out without my bottle of Yah-Sattiss. Cretins.


  3. Let me see now.
    A dark night.
    A stranger.
    An unsolicited request.
    Tell me now honestly: were either of you wearing a trench coat? 🙂


  4. betenoir: If you aren’t busy Saturday, would you marry me?

    granny wrangler: Try ordering a Castle Lager in Tanzania.

    fm: Just so, but hope often transcends logic.

    parenthesis: Nuh. Don’t have’nything like that (I’m vaguely disappointed you didn’t manage to work the “porn erotic cinema” bit in there somewhere).


  5. Oh, so you’ve become one of *those* people. It’s only a matter before you start telling parents what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their children.

    I’m onto you, Mister.


  6. peas: As usual, you’re being too kind. Any brains would have been an improvement. On the plus side, at least he’ll never have a stroke and he’s perfectly safe from zombies.

    betenoir: Damn, I hate it when that happens.

    anne: Hah! That’s what you think. I have a contract.

    cedric: And I’m onto you, Music Boy.


  7. I sort of assumed that the smut factor was implicit in my comment Kyk. Perhaps I need to be less subtle when it comes to you … 🙂


  8. What you doin’ going into L&L in the first place, dude? That place is music afficianados’ hell – i’m glad you made it out alive though …
    (yeah i linked on purpose)


  9. The Peter Principle still hums like a well-oiled machine I see. I just hope you don’t apply the same at *your* workplace. (BTW did you find those Pinky & The Brain episodes? If by the dawning of the sun you’ve taken over the world I’ll assume so. You insane genius you.)


  10. rev: I think she was counting on me being stranger than most.

    parenthesis: I think so. I’m not big on “nuances”, either.

    luke: Thank Google I’m not an afficianado, then. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed trouser snake can be a nasty shock.

    wendz: You realise that in terms of my Creative Commons license, I get 10% of the proceeds if you sell them on eBay?

    andrea: There’s no real need to “apply” something that has been seamlessly integrated into the system (Sadly, I had no luck on the P&B front)


  11. You know, you play a pretty hard game for a man who accepts jelly tots from teenage boys.

    As for the video, I am speechless. I am scared. Someone hold me.


  12. L&L and Canal Walk?

    In other news, I’ve never had a stranger give me Jelly Tots. That would probably be the one offering that would tempt me.


  13. what I want to know is why Les Mizz was in the porn erotic cinema section?

    Unless we are talking about the other kind of lezzies… Which reminds me, The L Word is about to start on TV. Gotta go!


  14. parenthesis: All in good time… Incidentally, I don’t want to cloud the waters with Durex discussions at the moment. I’m locked in a fierce struggle with Cedric to become the next Celibacy poster boy.

    lukeagain: As one does with these things.

    terri: *snort* 😀

    inyoka: My rates are very reasonable.

    monchan: Ah, but it wasn’t. Lezz Mizrah-bubbles was, in fact, several steps to the right of the Hard ‘n’ Heavy section.

    anduin: Hey, I’m all for affirmation, in any form.

    dolce: Sort of like a personal purgatory? I suppose the shoe fits.


  15. You want to be the next Celibacy poster boy? Oh no Kyk, how could you? That single statement is the death knell of girlish dreams the blogosphere over [I mean you don’t think we hang around here for the stimulating, ah conversation, do you? 🙂


  16. i love jelly tots mister encyclopaedic knowledge man!
    at least now i know that when i’m looking for something in look and listen i must either keep jelly tots handy and ask for you or… pronounce everything phonetically!


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