A friend in need

I went out for coffee last night with my old buddy Mr Seagull. He’s the one whose marriage is currently following an ever-decreasing spiral in the great toilet bowl of life. The good news is he seems to have achieved some degree of acceptance that Mrs Seagull hates his guts. The bad news is that Mrs Seagull hates his guts.

There has been some progress, however. They’ve agreed to put litigation on the back burner for now and attempt the “mediated settlement” route, but that’s about all they’ve managed to agree on. The main points of contention are that he wants more access to the kids, while she wants to rip his testicles out his arse+ Ain’t love grand?

Unfortunately, my best efforts at offering sympathy and comfort went somewhat off the rails:

“…and that’s the story. I just have to accept that she doesn’t want to reconcile and move on”
“Maybe she just needs more time to think things through?”
“You don’t understand – once she’s decided on something, that’s it. She never changes her mind”
“Oh that’s not true – she seems to have made a rather abrupt about-turn on the whole till death us do part thing… er… so Gibbs made six off six, how about that, hey?”

+ Ja okay, so maybe I’m a bit biased. Sue me. Nooooo, wait! I was joking!!

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27 thoughts on “A friend in need

  1. Looks to me like you were giving him an objective view of his wife’s nimbleness of mind, which he evidently denies. And clearly, if he can’t even see that, well, he’s just not making any effort, is he now?

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  2. Well, if he’s not planning to have anymore kids, he doesn’t really need his balls does he?

    Also ending you marriage with some ball fondling and a bit of anal may be the most action they’ve had as a couple in a while.

    Parting Shots??

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  3. Dear Mr Seagull,

    You might need your testicles if you ever want to be on a nest again, so “fly little bird… fly!”

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  4. When he married Ms. Right, he didn’t realise her first name was Always, eh? Poor bloke. And they say it’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. What absolute crapola 😦

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  5. peas: Or perhaps he should consider investing in a pair of steel underpants?

    anne: Objective? Hahaha. Hahahahahahaah! Oh, you are a funny one, aren’t you?

    rev: I knew I could count on you to take the piss positive view.

    granny wrangler: Maybe when it’s time for him to start dating again. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that.

    forgottenmachine: What are you, the Arithmatic Police? Ever since you got that stupid calculator for your birthday…
    You are, of course, entirely correct. However, this may not be the best place to come looking for accuracy.

    anicker: He’s not going to be doing much sitting if she gets custody of his ‘nads.

    parenthesis: Depends on how much you lose in the process, I suppose.

    terri: Ja, it means sort of a greeny colour, doesn’t it?

    chitty: Which makes it all the more puzzling why she wants his as well.

    katt: I do too! Okay, maybe bog-diving isn’t a sport in the traditional sense of the word, but it’s more than just a game.

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  6. I think Mr Seagull and his buddy Mr Kyknoord should rent ‘Closer’, watch it together and then produce some conversational fodder for Mr Kyknoord’s blog.

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  7. man, there are a lot of cynical, jaded people who read your blog. Good thing there’s me around to keep things peppy and optimistic and…ah fuckit, not today.

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  8. Sympathy is over-rated. Unless you can solve the problem by doing the testicle ripping thing first, after all then he’d have no fear. And would have good grounds for deserving more access to the childers as he wouldn’t be having any more now would he?

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  9. Seeing as how easy it is, at least on the legal side, to get a divorce (taking all the fighting/back-stabbing/bickering/lawyers out of the equation for a min) it has really trivialized the institution of marriage. But then again I AM a bit jaded. 🙂

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  10. andrea: What? Are you saying my witty observations on arbitrary events aren’t enough to keep you entertained?

    angel: Excellent. You can stay.

    kevin: He wasn’t fooled for a nanosecond.

    fence: You watched a lot of Tarantino when you were younger, didn’t you?

    m: Indeed, but as the old joke goes: who wants to live in an institution?

    the tart: You’re right. The apple crumble was awful.

    spoon: Damn! You have no idea how hard I worked on cultivating my “all spleen” image.

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  11. All the marriages going down the drain are scaring the shit out of me since I’m about to commit to one *EEK* – even in the soapies (case in point: Egoli) all the happily married are going through crap. Is it a sign?!

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  12. acidicice: Could be. Probably a “proceed with caution” sign.

    other-duke: Hey, what’s a little lint between friends?

    delboy: Forgottenmachine will be so pleased to have a new recruit in the force.

    the tart: Bring your own insulin kit.

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  13. Afraid I am hopelessly biased when it comes to these things.
    But isn’t it true that we often see in others what we don’t like about ourselves?

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