Dinner theatre

I met up with The Artist Formerly Known As The Granny Wrangler yesterday evening. She’s in South Africa on a book-signing tour+ and was able to pencil me in to her busy schedule. I suppose I could regale you with tales of her charm, good looks and wit, but I have limited space here. Also, my fingers get tired when I type too much++.

Dinner was over in flash. It was about the third or fourth time that our waitress came to ask us if “everything was still alright” (we were in the middle of a Deep and Meaningful Conversation on the Croyden Facelift phenomenon) that the penny finally dropped…

“Are you saying you want us to fuck off?” The Artist sweetly enquired.
“No. No. Nonono“, squawked the hapless innocent and fled, blinking tears of frustration from the corners of her eyes.

We never saw her again. A little bit later, one of her male colleagues arrived and very pointedly asked if we “wouldn’t like to settle the bill?”

Amateurs. This is Cape Town – the Paris of Africa. You expect the service to be shocking and the waiting staff to be surly. If you’re all demure and polite and stuff, people are just going to take advantage.

+ or attending her best friend’s wedding. Something like that. God, I meet so many celebrities these days, it’s hard to keep track

++ and this severely impacts on my nose-picking ability. It’s all about priorities


23 thoughts on “Dinner theatre

  1. Thats a crock of #$%^%, and the bastards only do it when it’s a table of two.. table of 12 still ordering overpriced bottles of wine, ‘hell you can stay till morning,’ couple having a calm one in the corner; ‘get the hell out’


  2. Godsgimp: you have quite obviously never been a waiter. Of course it’s worthwhile staying up till 2am even though you have to wake up for classes at 6 am, if you’re going to make R500. But for the couple who will tip you ten bucks, not so much.


  3. jeanpant: I know – I used to work in the service industry when I was a student. I’d have left a bigger tip if she’d been honest about it.

    peas: Nah. It’s was a good restaurant.

    godsgimp: I think it had been a long shift for all concerned. School night and all that.

    betenoir: You sayin’ I’m cheap? Huh? Huh?

    mjw: Strike while the iron is hot. I think that’s COSATU’s new slogan.

    philippy: :mrgreen: At least she’ll have a good story to tell her grandkids one day.


  4. Betonoir- of course I have been a waiter. Which is why I feel I deserve that service which I would offer. Those big crowds may give a big tip/commision today, but that pair in the corner will be back next week and the week after and week after and will ask for you by name, if you treat them right of course.


  5. godsgimp: So this is how Jerry Springer feels when they start throwing chairs.

    rev: You’ve done this before, haven’t you?

    parenthesis: I’m not really privy to ins and outs of the waitress’s long-term family plans, but obviously they wouldn’t just be hers – unless cloning becomes a bit more mainstream, of course.

    betenoir: I KILL YOU NOW!!!

    katt: 😉


  6. charm? wit? good looks? methinks you had one too many ginger ales. and judging by the fact that i still can’t lift my drooling head from my pillow at this time of the afternoon, methinks i had one too many bottles of champagne. you are my new hero 🙂


  7. shocking service and surly waitrons yes- but actuallly asking you to leave… what is cape town coming to!?!!
    meeting celebrities eh, wow! she’s not also adopting is she?


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