Partying is such sweet sorrow

Regular visitors will know that the fruit of my loins (a.k.a. Kyknoord Jr) lives in Port Elizabeth with her mother and that I, being the doting sire that I am, visit her regularly.

An enormous advantage of living in a different city to your progeny is that you aren’t expected to attend the scores of kiddie birthday parties that seem to crop up more or less continually throughout the year. My previous trips to the windy friendly city have been rather well timed, because up until now I’ve managed to avoid them all. Sadly, my run of good luck came to an abrupt end on my most recent visit.

If I had to summarise the experience in three words, they would be “Oh, the horror”. Picture an extended version of Timmy permanently about to fall down the well (with Lassie nowhere in sight) and you’ll have some idea. Of course, when the adults weren’t chasing after their screaming offspring, they were busy discussing mucous and bowel movements in full Technicolor detail. Fun is not the word+.

When the indoor activities++ were done, the outdoor festivities began. Naturally, when you have a dozen toddlers and only one item of recreational apparatus, you have a recipe for conflict:

“I wanna swing!”
I wanna swing!”
I wanna swing!”
[Cue: wailing and gnashing of teeth. Repeat]

It was like being in a sugar-powered echo chamber. It did, however, illustrate that the laws of supply and demand are established at a very young age. This is probably why Communism never really caught on. It also explains why there are rallies and sell-offs on the stock market. Brokers are clearly all three-year olds at heart.

+ Indeed not. “Bleuaargh!” is the word.

++ i.e. cake orgy.

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23 thoughts on “Partying is such sweet sorrow

  1. How many kids are we talking about here? Hehe…sounds like quite an event Kyknoord. Resistance is futile – just put on a party hat and take over the swing (that way you don’t have to listen to the parents’ technicolour “Bleuaargh!” talk).

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  2. It still, to this day, remains a complete mystery to me why people have so much sugar at kids parties. Its like willingly giving your weapon and amo over to your enemy and then reloading it for them and correcting their aim at you in the process.

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  3. I adore my niece profusely, and it was painful to attend her birthdays. Fortunately, the steptwins are getting old enough that the parties are less painful. I suppose it’s just a matter of time until the bad music and supervision of boys and girls kicks in.

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  4. hey! we are up similar creeks you and i…
    mine is not due to my own offspring though, but friends and family. damien is between 6 and 15 years older than my friends kids- so i go to quite a lot of those.
    you know, nothing rounds off a weekend like trying to remove a mass of fizzer, marshmallow and sand from suede boots…

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  5. And just when you thought it finished, your name is already on the invite list for Cadence’s birthday, and you WILL be there.

    I’m not enduring the horror alone……

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  6. Oh, and thanks Mrs B for a much needed laugh and a rather interesting mental image that will replace the drone of today’s various meeting quite nicely…..

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  7. dolce: Yeah, that’ll learn me good.

    louisa: About a dozen or so. Can’t be too sure, it’s hard to count moving targets.

    peas: Makes using heavy machinery a blast as well.

    mrs B: You need to go to Jefferies Bay for the other kind :mrgreen:

    the tart: It was just your generic sort of sugar cake with added tartrazine.

    jeanpant: I’m sorry, but are you actually expecting people to behave rationally where kids are concerned?

    sophie: [quiet sobbing]

    angel: Here’s a tip: avoid wearing suede.

    terri: We suffer so you don’t have to.

    tenmiles: Hmmm… what to give as a gift? I’m thinking drum kits…

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  8. OMG Dude, I just migrated to your blog after your comment. I do apologise. I will change my post title immediately. Kinda embarrassed right now. This is possibly the wierdest coincidence I have seen. I haven’t read your blog for a while bud so am comepltely flabbergasted.

    Again, very wierd

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  9. I was recently invited to swing at a party. Maybe I should have realised that it might involve more than a cake orgy when i didn’t see any kids on swings but nooooooooo. tsk tsk.

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  10. chewthecud: Nobody said adulthood would be a walk in the park.

    philippy: Quick – what am I thinking right now?

    katt: I think I’d rather spare you the details.

    granny wrangler: Another typical day for you, huh?

    anicker: Lucky you. The standard answer is “Do I look like a pendulum?”, although you can’t use this if you actually do look like a pendulum.

    rev: Answer: Yes and no. Of course, this probably means that I’m going to get a whole cluster of Google hits from people searching for “swingers in PE” or some such. Ah well.

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  11. This is a great blog, man. Wailing and gnashing of teeth. Lol. Great writing style 😉 Got here from The Granny Wrangler’s blog. Schweeties Kyknoord

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