Curriculum Vitae

Name: K.N. Pepper

Date of Birth: The mists of time

e-Mail: stalkme@yourperil.ok

Qualification: As long as it’s not raining

Personal details:

  • I bruise easily
  • My wife didn’t really leave me for another woman
  • I have an Abba song as a ringtone

Professional associations:

  • Member of the Royal Institute of Meetings Engineers
  • Fellow of the South African Association of Time-Wasters

Key skills:

  • Time travel
  • Mind reading
  • Magic wand waving
  • Invisible report writing
  • Fool suffering
  • Jaw clenching
  • Extreme restraint

Outside interests:

  • None (for the foreseeable future, apparently)

References:

Have I mentioned that I hate my boss?

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22 thoughts on “Curriculum Vitae

  1. Fool suffering? Hey, I have a Master’s in that… you think we could start our own business? I suffer fools like nobody’s business. Although I seem to have developed this weird tic in my left eye.. do you have a tic? I think we should both have tics. it could be our “thing”.

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  2. I sooo misread ‘Time-Wasters ‘

    I thought you said ‘Wine-Tasters’

    Now that’s a sought after professional association
    (at least in most circles I frequent…which probably doesn’t say much for the quality of wine consumed)

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  3. ex Granny Wrangler: No, that was later – when I was at university.

    lost-in-jozi: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

    godsgimp: I’d rather not say, because then it’ll be stuck in your mind all day and I couldn’t live with the guilt.

    betenoir: I do have a tic. It makes everyone flee.

    louisa: Sorry, but next week I’ll be starting three months ago elsewhere.

    rev: The quality never counts as much as the enjoyment derived from the experience.

    terri: I knew you were going to say that.

    jeanpant: There are two categories:
    (a) Reports that I have written that nobody seems to see, never mind read; and
    (b) Reports that don’t actually exist, but colleagues somehow seem to remember me writing them.

    moonflake: Nah – way too exciting. They have a standard to maintain.

    mrs B: Oops. Sorry, I forgot to attach my certificates.

    idle layabout: That’s what you said after the Lunch Bar incident.

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  4. katt: Sorry, it’s a package deal. I’ve already got “money, money, money” all picked out for you.

    idle layabout: at least we’re keeping the fishmoths well fed.

    kevin: I’m glad you’re feeling better, Kev.

    the tart: I sincerely hope that’s a typo and you don’t actually want to boil me until I turn into a gravy cube.

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  5. dude- this was bucking frilliant!
    but you might wanna check that email adress- i keep getting a message saying “mail undeliverable”… oh, and i must just say i agree entirely with granny wrangler- she’s wonderfully eloquent!

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