Brass monkey weather

It’s fuh-fuh-fuh-king+ cold at the moment. Yes, yes, I know it’s winter and this is to be expected and it’s not nearly as bad as the frozen tundra of Canada and blah blah blah, but that knowledge does little to warm my toes, does it? Exactly.

Of course, it wouldn’t be nearly as severe if I left my scooter at home and took the car to work, but since the trip takes three to four times longer by car, it’s quite a tough choice to make. If this was an “apples versus apples scenario”++, it would simply be a matter of choosing the least painful option. However, having (temporarily) shrunken man-bits doesn’t stack up all that easily against frustration-induced blood clots in the brain. It’s sort of like asking whether you’d prefer to eat horse manure or watch Graeme Smith being interviewed on television. Both are unpleasant – but for completely different reasons.

I must admit, though, that I derive a certain masochistic pleasure out of appearing to be so much tougher than my weedy colleagues (who soil themselves at the prospect of having to walk though a puddle in the parking area), so I usually end up taking the scooter.

In any case, there’s always a ready supply of hot air to warm me up. Those meetings aren’t going to attend themselves now, are they?

+ To borrow a choice phrase from the object of my desire

++ As my boss is so very fond of saying. Man, I just can’t get enough of hearing that stupid expression

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32 thoughts on “Brass monkey weather

  1. tenmiles: You’d better be talking about the Dirty Harry Eastwood and not the Bridges of Madison County Eastwood, or I shall have to hurt you. So ask yourself, do you feel lucky?

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  2. The whole ‘apples’ thing is so early nineties. There have been whole paradigm shifts since then. He needs to network more and establish a value proposition for himself. Either that or shooting.

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  3. Mr Noord

    Why don’t you lay down on the couch and let’s explore your previous statement in a bit more depth. Please elaborate on your statement ‘object of my desire’.

    Animal, vegetable or mineral??

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  4. too difficult to picture “tough on scooter” – much easier to picture you ala Dumb Dumber’s Lloyd (Jim C) on a scooter, freazing your ass off, with snot frozen streaks. pffwwaaaaaahahaha!

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  5. So, what, it’s like 15 degrees? Try waking up to Capital FM spreading the news that hey, today in London, the temperature is lower than that in Siberia. Ok, it wasn’t *today* – it was a month or two ago. Today is sunny and warm. Very sunny and warm. ;p

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  6. doug: Now that’s the kind of blue-sky thinking we need to align with.

    bete: I agree. You give up the right to complain about the weather if you don’t experience it first-hand.

    dolce: They did, but then those meetings realised their time was better spent elsewhere. They’re in Tahiti now.

    revo: Very possibly.

    anicker: Why don’t you just turn up the heater, you weedy weed of great weediness?

    xGW: Oddly enough, that didn’t make my toes any warmer either.

    peas: As long as it’s a leather speedo.

    tenmiles: So kind of you to be concerned about my welfare. I’ll be sure to cruise past your place so you can satisfy yourself that all is well.

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  7. Er…yes…..YOUR welfare…..that’s exactly what I meant.

    Oh, and for anyone curious, my legal team are of the sort that believe the pen is NOT mightier than the sword. People seem to be far more agreeable when the matter really is life and death…….

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  8. tenmiles: It depends on the sharpness of the implement of choice, doesn’t it?
    benjamin: [Quiet sobbing]
    martin: Au contraire, mon ami. There was nothing casual about it at all.

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  9. I crave the cold every single time I open a door thsat leads me to the heavily laden humidity and temperatures climbing with every day. I generally cuss as I am reminded again that, “Yes it is this f’in hot wher you live.”
    Too much of anything is just that. Too Much.

    from the land of Southeast Texas where it is 80 degrees at three in the morning…and I am a cold-natured person. And yet, I have survived here 16 months and will continue for many more. I will not, however, forego my right to comment on the weather when asked by an out of towner. My answer? It is an armpit.

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  10. “apples vs apples” eh… soon he’s going to start with effectivity and complexitivity!
    i’m glad its warmed up a tad where i live…

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  11. sophie: If you think that’s hot…

    other-duke: Would you like fries with that?

    angel: Effectivity?????? Ggggnnnnnnn!!!

    luke: I think we can probably take the “stoking” and “poker” response as read. It’s early.

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  12. A pooper scooper is a plastic contraption with a bag attached to it. The stirrer is usually a big spoon! However, they are interchangeable, depending on how adventurous you are.

    ‘Tis Lion Weather here to, Kyk! Apparently ‘net kop en maanhare!’

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