Good news! My darling paramour has granted me leave to make limited mention of our relationship here.
While our discussions relating to open-water piracy, deicide and concerned education authorities+ are acceptable, I’m afraid this new latitude does not extend to topics such as [CENSORED], [CENSORED] and especially not [CENSORED]. This is a pity, because [CENSORED], if you know what I mean?
However, I can tell you that she’s the only person who has ever bought me flowers and Lindt chocolate++ and needless to say (which is why I’m typing it – try and keep up, okay?), I’m nuts about her+++
+ Which aren’t quite as unrelated as you might initially think
++ Looks like those charisma classes are finally starting to pay off
+++ Yes, yes, I KNOW the urge to make “just plain nuts” comments must be overwhelming. Fight it