Several days ago, Salman was telling me how he’d managed to streamline my (admittedly ponderous and wordy+) technique of dealing with unsolicited phone calls at the office.
I was engaged in a particularly difficult task yesterday afternoon when the phone rang and shattered my concentration. My annoyance swifly transformed into delight when I realised it was one such unsolicited call and I would have a chance to test out the Salman Method:
CALLER: [Reading from his scipt] HelloisthatMister – Kikenirt?++
ME: What’s this about?
CALLER: [Still following his script] HelloMisterKikenirt. CanIhaveamomentofyourtime. Iwouldliketotellyouaboutafantasticnewoffer-
ME: Can I have your fax number, please?
CALLER: [Confused] Er – sorry?
ME: Your fax number
CALLER: [Playing for time. Furiously searching script] Fax number?
ME: Yes, I’d like to know where to send the invoice.
CALLER: [Starting to panic. Still searching script] Invoice?
ME: Of course. You called me at work. I expect to be compensated for the time you’re wasting.
CALLER: [Gives up on script and tries to use own brain] Er… er…er… [realises mistake] *click*
Total time of call: 41 seconds+++.
I was in a much better mood when I returned to the task at hand: composing a sufficiently inappropriate message for one of my colleagues who is getting married this coming weekend.
+ Hey, if the shoe fits…
++ Okay, that wasn’t precisely what the caller said, but it gives an idea of the amusing manner in which he managed to mangle my name (which isn’t difficult to pronounce at all. Seriously)
+++ Not too shabby, hey Nige? I think we can conclude that the Salman Method works pretty well.