Heavy breathing

I am fascinated by people who jog.

My regular route to work is punctuated by a variety of tracksuit-wearing examples of sweaty misery, all doggedly doing the I’ve-crapped-in-my-pants shuffle.

Why anyone would willingly indulge in what appears to be an extremely unpleasant undertaking is slightly mystifying. I know that cyclists like to shave their legs and wear spandex, but joggers are clearly unconcerned about appearance.

I’ve spoken to a number of people who grudgingly admit to being joggers and the consensus is that although nobody actually enjoys it at the time, you feel really virtuous afterwards. It’s essentially the carrying-a-rock-around- because-it’s-such-a-relief-to-put-it-down school of thought applied to a form of exercise.

I strongly suspect that if present-day joggers had lived in an earlier, more innocent time, they would have had a penchant for flagellation.

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28 thoughts on “Heavy breathing

  1. …what the hell are you people on about? Are you high? weirdos. honestly.

    in any case, joggers are weird, but what about those not-quite- joggers: speedwalkers? Almost as fast, they hurdy-gurdy along like they’d really like to run, but they’re not allowed to.

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  2. *snort*

    Once again, distracted by the comments.

    I lived an almost entire existence waiting to actually have a “vegimite sandwich”, thanks to certain men at work. Maaaaan, was that disappointing.

    It might have be a factor in my becoming a jogger.

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  3. Shit, if I ever want to feel that tired and weesy, I’d rather just quickly chain-smoke a pack of Camel Plain.
    At the end, I feel just as kak as them, except I don’t look like sweat-drenched roadkill and , cigarette smoke not withstanding, I probably smell 40 times better as well!

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  4. “Why anyone would willingly indulge in what appears to be an extremely unpleasant undertaking is slightly mystifying. ..”
    Same could be said for work, eh Kyk, and yet …
    🙂

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  5. I’m not only fascinated, but horrified by people who jog.

    I’m sure there are other ways to exercise without expending such torture.

    In fact there are other ways. Many more.

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  6. my friend and i were walking on pavement at Clifton when a jogger ran past (on the pavement!) and i didn’t step into the street fast enough so he punched my arm and I had a bruise for 3 weeks! now i hope they all suffer shin splints and heel spurs and terminal man boobs and as for the one who punched me….ah weel i’ll leave that to God.

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  7. I agree with the flagellation theory. i had a roommate that would go running in 95F heat with enough humidity to soak you in minutes – and that was just tying the running shoes. he’d come back looking like he was about to have a stroke and in obvious discomfort. I’d hear him on the phone with a friend later saying what a good run he had. I don’t get it.

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  8. Sheesh, what’s with all the aggression around here?

    You see, it’s all about the healthy sweating. And the endorphins. And knowing that you’re fitter than the person next to you. And being able to excavate turnips for hours because of this fitness.

    If you’re into turnips, that is.

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  9. I dislike turnips almost as much as joggers – although I don’t wish turnips ill – can’t say I don’t feel the urge to trip the odd jogger tho’. That punch really brought out the curmudgeon in me. I will nevah twinkle at a jogger.

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  10. In the Karoo you will never see a farmer jog – all the workers will leave the very next day, because they will just assume that he can’t afford petrol for his bakkie. i kind of like that.

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  11. fuzzy logic: Yes, but is it fascinating?

    betenoir: I suspect speedwalkers are joggers who actually have crapped in their pants. If they run, they might dislodge something.

    dolce: In that case, you may be interested in this nice snake oil I just happen to have on sale.

    revo: Interesting. We should test this theory scientifically with a monitored “stink off”.

    parenthesis: It could, but nobody pays me to jog. If they did…

    harken: And minimal effort in many cases.

    ekke: The Dark Side is seductive.

    angel: Yup. Ekke has a way with words.

    louisa: Wow. That’s a weird sponsorship deal you have there.

    peas: Horrified? You mean like in that movie ‘Night of the Running Dead’?

    fence: Less chance of being taken out by an 18-wheeler, but that’s about it.

    charmskool: You have the coolest dates evah!

    idlelayabout: You should clear your calendar just in case.

    ekke (again): I think he appeals to those who are after a sugar-daddy.

    betenoir (again): A safe bet, I’m sure.

    livewire: Maybe it’s the modern equivalent of dying in glorious battle or something.

    chamskool (again): There’s no use denying it.

    martin: Wouldn’t excavating turnips for hours on end be the best exercise for being able to excavate turnips for hours on end?

    mrs b: Exactly (btw, if you’re done with my hoe, can I have it back please?)

    parenthesis (again): Legumes. Don’t forget legumes.

    charmskool (yet again): Perhaps you could keep a few turnips on hand to lob at potentially punchy joggers?

    mrs b (again): With a few old chestnuts thrown into the mix.

    ol’ hoss: That is hard to believe, but if you say it’s so, it’s so.

    anicker: There’s that and the fact that many of them would pass out in seconds. The Karoo gets pretty warm.

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