Things got a little hot last week, so I had to lay low for a while. Yup, I was struck down with that “thing that’s been going around”+, or “ebola” if you prefer the ex Granny Wrangler’s long-distance diagnosis. Even my doctor seemed a bit puzzled. The unintelligible scrawl he eventually scribbled on the medical certificate (after much frowning, pen-chewing and staring out the window) looks more like a Blogger verification word than an actual disease++
For the first three days or so, my general low-level delirium was interspersed with vicious headaches and fever dreams featuring roller-skating infomercial people+++. At least, I assume they were dreams. Come to think of it, the kitchen floor has acquired some suspicious-looking scuffmarks and the bin seems to have vanished. Fortunately, I was reasonably compos mentis when my girlfriend came over for a visit (armed with soup and stern warnings of dire retribution should I fail to take it easy).
So now I’m back at work and sifting through about 400 e-mails, the majority of which fall into one of the following categories:
“Why haven’t you responded to the e-mail I sent you yesterday for comment?”
“I’m still waiting for you to comment on the e-mail I sent you TWO DAYS ago”
“This is URGENT! I need a response IMMEDIATELY”
“I’m going to miss my DEADLINE! I’m CCing this to your boss”
“THE END TIMES ARE UPON US!!!”
I keep expecting to find that I own a small, bespectacled dog.
+ No, no, not Simon Grindrod, but good guess anyway
++ It roughly transcribes as: “Stckyrhdupyrarsndie“
+++ Kind of like first year university, when you get down to it