I find it useful in these situations to remind myself that the white light I can see on the edge of my vision is in fact from the projector and not the white light associated with my imminent demise [no matter how much I wish otherwise at the time] 😉
the best way to conduct staff meetings, I think, would be to have many many drinks available, possibly spiked with diuretics, so that nobody feels inclined to talk for very long or to delay proceedings.Keyword: précis.
I second that comment betenoir, particularly for those cretins who insist on scheduling such meetings for a] first thing Monday morning or worse b] last thing Friday afternoon or c] for all meetings which involve a ” personal check in” – if I want to know how dull, crap and uninteresting their lives were, I’d ask ….
even more baffling? when i absolutely must call a meeting, i will send ‘read ahead’ material, along with an agenda and a statement of purpose for the event. i keep the discussion focused, and watch the clock.
is this respect for time and productivity appreciated?
not exactly. you’d think i had sprouted tentacles and shat upon the conference table… i am teased for this, and referred to as ‘the meeting nazi’.
All right, let me get this straight. By avoiding a 3-hr meeting, you don’t journey three hrs closer to death.
So the question is. What exactly happens to you during those three hours?
Imagine the possibilities: avoid 240 meetings, get one month’s life FOR FREE!
Hah you poor things! I loove our meetings. We have excellent coffee and loads of biscuits (including choclit). I can catch up on 2 – 3 hours sleep (if I skip the coffee which is strong) or I scribble copious notes – actually it’s social commentary or cruel observations about my least favourite colleagues failures and dress senselessness – but bosses are hugely impressed by note takers ….which led to me having to take the minutes once…which is another story completely.
Ummm…about the cruel notes, if the folks to either side of me catch a glimpse of said notes – with cruel caricatures attached – gales of giggles emit from either side of me… I retain total butter wouldn’t melt in mouth composure but glow in light of the appreciation
peas: Sounds like the plot for a Hayden Christensen movie.
charmskool:MmmmMMMmmm choclit… I once produced a fun sketch of HR Giger’s Alien cracking open our manager’s head in search of a mid-afternoon snack, but it kind of backfired when said manager asked me for a copy of my “notes”.
daisyfae: Yes, that would be the more traditional application. However, from a purely technical/memetic/hair-splitting point of view, the law only requires a comparison to be made; it doesn’t specify how. Consequently, this instance definitely qualifies, since a comparison had been made (albeit a self-referential one).
flutter: Butt clenches? I generally do those during the morning commute. The M5 is really scary these days.
There was a time… when board meetings referred to snowboarders meeting on the top of snowy mountains. when agendas were always frowned upon and mostly hidden. where the only notes you needed were the kind to pay for your drink. and minutes were all you had.
i have mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open.
very handy.
and somehow, I also manage to listen. if someone asks me a question, i can respond intelligently. even though i have no clue what the fuck they just spent the last hundred years yakking about.
anicker: Stop it! I seem to have got something in my eye.
uncle keith: That might explain the metal detector at the door to the main boardroom.
daisyfae: Too bad Steve Irwin isn’t around any more. He might have had a few tips to offer you.
EM&CT: I was able to do that to some extent when I was in the army (although “Ja, Korporaal!” was generally the correct answer to just about everything).
the other side of the mountain 
I find it useful in these situations to remind myself that the white light I can see on the edge of my vision is in fact from the projector and not the white light associated with my imminent demise [no matter how much I wish otherwise at the time] 😉
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a clear example of enforced sysiphusing.
the best way to conduct staff meetings, I think, would be to have many many drinks available, possibly spiked with diuretics, so that nobody feels inclined to talk for very long or to delay proceedings.Keyword: précis.
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I second that comment betenoir, particularly for those cretins who insist on scheduling such meetings for a] first thing Monday morning or worse b] last thing Friday afternoon or c] for all meetings which involve a ” personal check in” – if I want to know how dull, crap and uninteresting their lives were, I’d ask ….
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betenoir: More like enforced indolence. Were there any heroic figure who were turned to stone? Apart from Han Solo, I mean.
parenthesis: Quite right. I’m perfectly capable of dull, crap and uninteresting all on my own.
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I think daisyfae has some tips for situations like this…..
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3 hours of your life that you can never get back. Lost into the ether of meetings.
My least favourite are those people who schedule meetings about future meetings. Those people will not fair well in the trial.
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the one who approves the agenda… that is the person that should be found and slaughtered. ok not literally but tar and feathers come to mind.
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Now that we are in a building with WiFi, it’s possible to multitask during meetings. It’s wonderful.
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even more baffling? when i absolutely must call a meeting, i will send ‘read ahead’ material, along with an agenda and a statement of purpose for the event. i keep the discussion focused, and watch the clock.
is this respect for time and productivity appreciated?
not exactly. you’d think i had sprouted tentacles and shat upon the conference table… i am teased for this, and referred to as ‘the meeting nazi’.
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nursemyra: I know. I just really enjoy listening to the sound my stomach lining makes as it dissolves.
miss M: Agreed. I’ve already initiated the process to secure the broadcasting rights.
stef: I guess that’s why the chicken crossed the road.
parenthesis:
http://www.goatse…Sorry. Reflex.sarah: It’s not polite to make fun of the less fortunate.
daisyfae: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Godwin’s Law
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All right, let me get this straight. By avoiding a 3-hr meeting, you don’t journey three hrs closer to death.
So the question is. What exactly happens to you during those three hours?
Imagine the possibilities: avoid 240 meetings, get one month’s life FOR FREE!
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anne: I would have thought that avoiding 240 meetings would be its own reward.
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Meetings. Up there with furballs, Morkels couch sets and when the boss tells you a joke.
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Hah you poor things! I loove our meetings. We have excellent coffee and loads of biscuits (including choclit). I can catch up on 2 – 3 hours sleep (if I skip the coffee which is strong) or I scribble copious notes – actually it’s social commentary or cruel observations about my least favourite colleagues failures and dress senselessness – but bosses are hugely impressed by note takers ….which led to me having to take the minutes once…which is another story completely.
LikeLike
Ummm…about the cruel notes, if the folks to either side of me catch a glimpse of said notes – with cruel caricatures attached – gales of giggles emit from either side of me… I retain total butter wouldn’t melt in mouth composure but glow in light of the appreciation
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peas: Sounds like the plot for a Hayden Christensen movie.
charmskool: MmmmMMMmmm choclit… I once produced a fun sketch of HR Giger’s Alien cracking open our manager’s head in search of a mid-afternoon snack, but it kind of backfired when said manager asked me for a copy of my “notes”.
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oh hellsacrappin I had not thought about that… mind you they have seen my minutes so there isn’t too much chance of that
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technically, was it Godwin? do i get the crocodiles for that style of use? thought i had to call a fellow commenter a nazi to invoke Godwin…
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Haha Kyk, very familiar.
http://flutter.amagama.com/blog/2006/08/23/19/
Personally I use meetings very productively.
I make ‘to-do’ lists, do a little meditation, butt clenches and think up ideas for my latest DIY project.
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charmskool: Sneaky. I like that.
daisyfae: Yes, that would be the more traditional application. However, from a purely technical/memetic/hair-splitting point of view, the law only requires a comparison to be made; it doesn’t specify how. Consequently, this instance definitely qualifies, since a comparison had been made (albeit a self-referential one).
flutter: Butt clenches? I generally do those during the morning commute. The M5 is really scary these days.
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almost too painful to comment.
There was a time… when board meetings referred to snowboarders meeting on the top of snowy mountains. when agendas were always frowned upon and mostly hidden. where the only notes you needed were the kind to pay for your drink. and minutes were all you had.
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Once a meeting reaches the one-hour mark, I welcome death.
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well damn. guess you’re going to be a nazi about the interpretation then… sheesh… :-p
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i have mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open.
very handy.
and somehow, I also manage to listen. if someone asks me a question, i can respond intelligently. even though i have no clue what the fuck they just spent the last hundred years yakking about.
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anicker: Stop it! I seem to have got something in my eye.
uncle keith: That might explain the metal detector at the door to the main boardroom.
daisyfae: Too bad Steve Irwin isn’t around any more. He might have had a few tips to offer you.
EM&CT: I was able to do that to some extent when I was in the army (although “Ja, Korporaal!” was generally the correct answer to just about everything).
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and here i thought these meetings were sposed to be productive…
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