Has a client ever, ever, ever followed a strategy? Ever? Just visited a client website which looks nothing like what was recommended (and approved) in the strategy. And guess who gets blamed if they don’t get the results they wanted?
You’re first mistake is caring what the client wants to begin with. Build what you want, and convince the client that’s what they asked for. It’s lots easier.
Besides, clients never really know what they want till you give it them. It’s your job to cut through the scrotum of their petty desires and silly dreams, and give them the swollen left testicle that they need. Feel free to use that analogy on company stationary.
angel: All decisions are final. Until the person with the money changes their mind.
stef: I’m not sure whether some of our clients have minds or not.
dolce: You want fries with that?
daisy: Indeed not. Therein lies their power. But I do. Bastards.
sarah: The only “strategy” that really seems to have found universal acceptance is: “I don’t know what I want, but I’ll know it when I see it”.
peas: And it’ll keep the fishmoths happy. I haven’t fed them in weeks.
mrs B: It’s a work in progress. The one on the wall gets wider every time I hit my head against it.
DA: Of course! It’s so obvious. To think that we’re stupidly trying to follow a specification, when we could simply do it right the first time.
fuzzy logic: Don’t you mean more famous?
uncle keith: It might be a bit late to speak to our marketing people about redesigning the letterhead, but I’m definitely including it in my next business plan.
And a glass of water. And when you’re ready, the tomato sauce. And can you show me where the loo is. And I need another fork. And can you ask them to turn the music down. Oh and I’m sure I ordered a glass of water. Ice, no lemon. And how many times do I have to ask for a few napkins. Sheesh.
I’ve got a good one for you Kyk – the other day I get a client review of a piping and instrument back, not a mark on it, but written at the top in red (of course) -“Please have this drawing reviewed by an engineer who has previously designed steam distribution systems”.
What would your response be to that? Would my blind rage and intense desire to scream “JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IGNORANT ASSHOLE DOES NOT MEAN I CAN’T DESIGN STEAM!” be regarded as unreasonable? Would my response (to give drawing to the design manager and suggest that he should try and find this rare creature in a minerals processing design house, especially as the only person who does know what they are doing was the original designer (ME)) count as snotty?
Suffice to say – my inbox is deep, and I really don’t care about your deadline anymore more Mr Client (Pr Eng does not mean I can’t behave like a 5 year old when I want to)
shroedinger: It’s the curse of being a specialist. People don’t understand what you do, but they have this residual suspicion that you might just be faking it.
~m: Poop factory? Ah, so you’ve met the neighbour’s dog, have you?
the other side of the mountain 
so lets re-visit the concept of having an assumedly approved design in the first place…?
LikeLike
or maybe re-visit the concept that the client is female and is allowed to change her mind twice daily… but i agree… the flapfest is causing chaos 😉
LikeLike
I *long* to be a client. One day. One day, I too will make changes on a whim and watch the minions dance.
*sigh*
LikeLike
Nobody suspects the butterfly… Bwa ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!
LikeLike
Has a client ever, ever, ever followed a strategy? Ever? Just visited a client website which looks nothing like what was recommended (and approved) in the strategy. And guess who gets blamed if they don’t get the results they wanted?
I don’t know why I bother.
LikeLike
Ask them if you can keep the paper shredding. Say you want it because you think it would make a great beanbag of sorts in your living room.
This won’t help your situation, but at least you get to burrow in it or something.
LikeLike
You’re going to need more crack, dear.
LikeLike
Well maybe if you’d done it right the first time…
LikeLike
You’re famous! I’ve just seen your mail in the BBspot Mailbag!
LikeLike
You’re first mistake is caring what the client wants to begin with. Build what you want, and convince the client that’s what they asked for. It’s lots easier.
Besides, clients never really know what they want till you give it them. It’s your job to cut through the scrotum of their petty desires and silly dreams, and give them the swollen left testicle that they need. Feel free to use that analogy on company stationary.
LikeLike
angel: All decisions are final. Until the person with the money changes their mind.
stef: I’m not sure whether some of our clients have minds or not.
dolce: You want fries with that?
daisy: Indeed not. Therein lies their power. But I do. Bastards.
sarah: The only “strategy” that really seems to have found universal acceptance is: “I don’t know what I want, but I’ll know it when I see it”.
peas: And it’ll keep the fishmoths happy. I haven’t fed them in weeks.
mrs B: It’s a work in progress. The one on the wall gets wider every time I hit my head against it.
DA: Of course! It’s so obvious. To think that we’re stupidly trying to follow a specification, when we could simply do it right the first time.
fuzzy logic: Don’t you mean more famous?
uncle keith: It might be a bit late to speak to our marketing people about redesigning the letterhead, but I’m definitely including it in my next business plan.
LikeLike
Just when you think you’re finished, someone goes and changes their mind! *sigh*
LikeLike
And a glass of water. And when you’re ready, the tomato sauce. And can you show me where the loo is. And I need another fork. And can you ask them to turn the music down. Oh and I’m sure I ordered a glass of water. Ice, no lemon. And how many times do I have to ask for a few napkins. Sheesh.
LikeLike
dolce: Would you like fries with that?
LikeLike
I’ve got a good one for you Kyk – the other day I get a client review of a piping and instrument back, not a mark on it, but written at the top in red (of course) -“Please have this drawing reviewed by an engineer who has previously designed steam distribution systems”.
What would your response be to that? Would my blind rage and intense desire to scream “JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IGNORANT ASSHOLE DOES NOT MEAN I CAN’T DESIGN STEAM!” be regarded as unreasonable? Would my response (to give drawing to the design manager and suggest that he should try and find this rare creature in a minerals processing design house, especially as the only person who does know what they are doing was the original designer (ME)) count as snotty?
Suffice to say – my inbox is deep, and I really don’t care about your deadline anymore more Mr Client (Pr Eng does not mean I can’t behave like a 5 year old when I want to)
LikeLike
how about the “poop factory”?
So many ways to comment on this one.
I’m confused!
~m
LikeLike
shroedinger: It’s the curse of being a specialist. People don’t understand what you do, but they have this residual suspicion that you might just be faking it.
~m: Poop factory? Ah, so you’ve met the neighbour’s dog, have you?
LikeLike
Pingback: the other side of the mountain
Pingback: Tempus edax rerum « the other side of the mountain