Everyday miracles

I don’t mind it so much that his mom is a zombie.  I just wish she hadn’t eaten his brain
Oh, in case you’re wondering who Sloth Boy is, you might want to do a bit of light background reading here.

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18 thoughts on “Everyday miracles

  1. How about rejigging his pay package to reflect his work ethic? It could just pretend to pay him. Maybe. Next Tuesday.

    Um. Oh crap. Your company does that anyway.

    And you said wood. Nhur nhur nhur.

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  2. Mother, Stepmother, mother-in-law, motherf*cker, Mothers Of Invention- there are infinite mothers he mnight have to attend to.

    Why doesn’t he just plead gastic flu? nobody ever wants to go into more detail about that!

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  3. You also have a sloth? I’ll raise you two sloths and one tourist*.

    * someone who’s only “working” at company n until their CV is accepted at company n+1, ad infinitum.

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  4. Sloth Boy’s brother works for us and it’s true their mother is sick again – I know because he phoned in this morning to tell us. I was somewhat surprised because on Friday he took her to the airport to visit their brother in London. He hadn’t seen her since her funeral in 2005.

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  5. Ja, see, you have to be clever about it and plan your excuses ahead. eg January = death in the family, February = inexplicable fever… etc. I have a calender.

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  6. stef: It’s so easy to get them confused, isn’t it?
    dolce: So I did. Nhur nhur nuhr. Wood you look at that!
    betenoir: I suspect he may have a multiple-personality oedipus complex.
    idle layabout: I fold. You can have our sloth.
    charmskool: Obviously all travel took its toll on the poor old dear.
    jean panty: That shows initiative. Send us your CV.

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  7. had an employee create a fake newspaper obituary for an “uncle” in Mississippi who died… she spent more time and energy creating excuses for not being at work than she did on the job. took 2 years, but we fired her! got a call a few months back from someone considering hiring her back – and asked my opinion as a former supervisor. i was silent for a looooong time…

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  8. furctyloveu@yahoo.com

    hello dear my name is furcty, i went through your profile and i became interested in you so i decided to drop this few words to you for us to know each other. please i will like you to send me an e-mail to my address (furctyloveu@yahoo.com) then i will send my pictures to you for you to know me very well.

    please i will be waiting for your reply.

    your’s beloved one furcty.

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  9. LOVE this one! Definitely not something serious this time… (It would seem that they are multiplying. Mine asks someone across the room to pick up the ringing phone that is about 2 inches from his hand while he sits and stares at his pc desktop.)

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  10. gnukid: I’ll forward your suggestion to management.
    daisy: Ah. The old “if you can’t say something nice…” approach.
    stef: Dang? So how are things out in the Old West?
    furctybaby: Uh huh.
    ~m: These guys are everywhere. I wonder if there’s a school that trains them?
    livewire: Poor guy. Don’t know how he copes.

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  11. I was on the verge of posting a comment when i stumbled on/over/reversed and reread your beloved fucketylovesyou’s comment!

    Now that my sides are safely stapled back together, i just wanted to know…. Is it true that a picture can say 1000 words – if so, how very well do you know her by now? Does it come with a subscription / free diamond-shaped blue pills / penis pumps and have you mysteriously won the Lotto seven times in a row by now?

    “hanging on for your reply” as well.

    your’s beloved one

    anicker.

    I heart fucketylovesyou

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  12. shebee: *sniff* if she really loved me, she would email me first.
    anicker: There are some things you’re better off not knowing.
    your’s beloved one
    kyknoord
    uncle keith: I think they cremated her. Much cheaper.

    Like

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