The best laid plans

although if I could get them all in the same room, explosives would be far more entertaining
Allow me to explain. One of the dubious pleasures of my job is to get a frantic phone call about some or other drainage problem that that I need to solve urgently. Oftentimes these unhappy circumstances arise as a direct result of brainless town planning. The trouble is that a lot of town planners are incapable of thinking in three dimensions. The remainder are incapable of thinking at all.

However, instead of seeking a town planning solution to a town planning problem, many local authorities prefer to ask an engineer to try and sort it out. Unfortunately, applying an engineering solution to a town planning cock-up is a bit like trying to empty a swimming pool with a rubber glove: it may be possible, but it’s laborious, time-consuming and vaguely ludicrous.

If you know any town planners, please ask them to commit suicide. I would be most grateful.


42 thoughts on “The best laid plans

  1. (…)about some or other drainage problem that that I need to solve urgently.
    Urgently indeed, the thats are starting to pile up! Soon it’ll be a flood!


  2. Next time you are in the close vicinity of a town planner Kyk – hand them an electrical applaince with which to stand in the rain. Pretend you’re giving it to them. Just ensure it’s raining and it’s battery operated. And then see what happens.


  3. “town Planner”, to me, has always been the ultimate oxymoron. Have you ever noticed how huge sprawling cities that evolved over centuries from a small village before the concept of town planning are somehow more efficient than small suburbs “methodically planned”? also usually more interesting.


  4. Heartbeat, increasing heartbeat
    The rain is pouring on the
    foreign town, the bullets
    cannot cut you down
    This town ain’t big enough for both of us…


  5. I agree with betenoir on the oxymoron thing, however, I am regularly confronted with what I consider to be a “village mentality” in modern town planning in the Netherlands and it is most definitely not efficient.
    It might be quaint and interesting to look at, but those concepts are not uppermost in one’s mind when you’re sitting in 2km’s of traffic to get to daycare all because there’s only one access road and its been torn up for the 4th time in 3 years


  6. Use your Cayennetology cult master powers to induce mass suicide at the next Town Planners R Us Annual Mason meeting. That should do the trick. Then you can move on to the artichokes.


  7. Town Planners? – are you telling me that there are actually people responsible for this shit! A pox on them and all their descendents. Actually, I once met a town planner – she was singularly slow-witted and guess what…no really….guess what? She was married to a town planner. Imagine that… their offspring ….ah the pain!


  8. the stench – that smell of opportunity – coming from many drains certainly has been amplified in this heat if my nose is correct in it’s diagnosis.

    anyway over to you can do engineers, opportunity knocks.


  9. The words ‘drainage problem’ are like music to my ears, a little minuetto of thoughts that sets me off down a whole nother path. Thank you. You’ve made my day, again.
    Ever thought about a public waste colonic irrigation? Sybil meets the Mother City.


  10. So this digit-al relationship is really getting to you isn’t it?
    Now if you read between the lines:

    One of the dubious pleasures of my job is to get .. arise as a direct result of ..a..cock-up..a rubber glove..but it’s laborious, time-consuming and vaguely ludicrous.

    And you said Laid…hahahaha

    Hiding a sublimal messages aren’t you? It’s a stroke of genius or is it just a genius stroking…hahahaha


  11. Pingback: Space. The final frontier… « the other side of the mountain

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